Waiting for Life to Begin

Evan’s party wasn’t all that eventful to be honest. I didn’t really talk to Jack much that night – hell, I didn’t really talk to anyone, content to just drink away my sorrows. Jack was the designated driver, I trust him with my car. Rian and Alex disappeared not-so-subtly halfway through the night to hook-up though, leaving Jack with me. It was fairly awkward actually, for the first time in our friendship, but Jack had all of Alex’s friends to talk to so he was fine. Jack slept over my house again that night (because his mom still doesn’t like him coming home late) and I ‘accidentally’ snuggled with him while we slept in my bed. It was my way of apologising for being a jerk at the party, okay? I had a lot on my mind, between him and college. And Jack didn’t exactly complain.

A few days passed, and everything was normal. Rian and I stood by our lockers with Jack standing to our side, grabbing our Chemistry textbooks ready for next class, when Alex practically skipped up to us. Fuck, he’s flaming.

“You’re coming over to mine tonight, right Rian?” Alex asked softly, although he was grinning.

“Mmhmm. 6pm, yeah?” Rian said warmly.

“Yeah, my mom said dinner will be ready at half 6 so you can’t be late,” Alex nodded, still grinning.

Jack and I exchanged looks on confusion. What the fuck?

“Rian’s meeting my parents tonight,” Alex said, rolling his eyes at our expressions.

“Good fucking luck with that,” I snorted.

Alex’s parents are as weird as him, and that’s saying something.

“It’s like the two of you are dating,” Jack teased.

When Rian bit his bottom lip and Alex blushed, both mine and Jack’s jaws dropped.

“You’re dating?” I hissed.

“Yeah, we are. But we’re hiding it for Rian’s sake,” Alex said quietly, trying to make sure no-one else heard them.

“And you don’t mind?” Jack asked incredulously.

“Rian is mine exclusively – I don’t care if I have to wait until we leave high school to show that. As long as I know it, I don’t care,” Alex said firmly, smiling up at Rian adorably.

Well, that’s kind of cute, especially with how Rian’s smiling back. As annoying as Gaskarth is, I haven’t seen Rian this happy in a long time. Fuck.

“You could’ve told us though. It’s not like I haven’t known of your crush on him for over a year,” Jack mumbled.

Huh, Rian must be the guy Alex talked about when I first found out that Jack was gay, the one that didn’t acknowledge his existence. Wait, why does Jack look so sad? Alex smiled at Jack softly, squeezing his shoulder gently. What’s going on?

“One day,” Alex promised.

Jack just nodded, although his eyes appeared to tear up a bit.

“One day what?” I frowned.

“Nothing. We’ve got to get to class or we’ll be late,” Jack said suddenly.

Before I could protest, Jack grabbed Alex’s arm and dragged him down the corridor. What the fuck?!

“You’re not mad at me, are you Zack?” Rian asked hesitantly.

I glanced at him for a second, before shaking my head. He’s happy with Alex – who am I to judge?

“Nah, not really. You didn’t have to hide it though. It’s not like we didn’t know you two are hooking up behind our backs,” I mused.

Rian blushed slightly. Eww. Not nice.

“Well, I’m just glad you’re okay with it,” Rian smiled.

“Mm. What did Alex mean when he told Jack ‘one day’?” I asked.

If anyone can understand Alex, it’ll be Rian, right?

“Not a clue,” Rian said quickly, “Let’s get to class!”

So they’re all hiding something from me. Great. I will find out what it is, whether I have to force Jack to tell me himself or not.

*

“Thanks for giving me a ride home, Zack,” Jack said sweetly.

“No problem. Mind if I come in for a bit? My mom’s cleaning the house today and I don’t really want to be roped into it,” I asked, lying smoothly.

Jack giggled. “Sure,”

Well that was easy.

All for the rest of the school day, Rian and Alex had been sending each other worried glances and Jack just looked miserable. He must’ve perked up in his last class though, because he seems pretty happy right now. I just wish I knew what made him sad before. I hate seeing him sad.

We went straight up to Jack’s bedroom, and I shut the door behind me. I will make Jack talk to me, and I don’t want him escaping.

“Jack, can I ask you something?” I said casually.

My letterman jacket and school bag are locked in my car, so at least I don’t have to put them anywhere.

“Go for it,” Jack smiled.

“Promise me you won’t run away,” I demanded.

“I won’t!” Jack laughed.

I swallowed heavily, looking down at my feet before looking back at him. Here goes nothing.

“What did Alex mean when he said ‘one day’?” I asked softly.

Jack’s smile immediately faded, a hint of fear flashing across his eyes before he shook his head.

“I’m not answering that,” Jack said firmly.

“Why not?” I frowned.

“Because it’s private!” Jack retorted, clenching his fists.

“I’m your best friend! I’ve known you way longer than Alex and Rian have, and they know! How is that fair to me?” I said, my anger starting to rise already.

“I can’t tell you because if I told you, you’d never look at me the same way. You’d run far away and never come back,” Jack whimpered.

I stepped closer to him, desperate to make him understand that I’m not going anywhere.

“I would never abandon you, Jack! How many times have we gone over this?” I groaned.

“You don’t understand! I can’t ever tell you this! Alex was the only person that was meant to know but Rian overheard us! That’s the only reason he knows, I wouldn’t have told him otherwise!” Jack said, frustrated.

“I thought you trusted me, Jack. I thought after all this fucking time, you would’ve finally fucking gotten over your fears and trusted me!” I said angrily.

“Zack, please don’t get mad at me! I just…I can’t tell you! You won’t understand! Only Alex understands, but he’s got his now and I just…I can’t tell you,” Jack whimpered, his eyes tearing up.

He’s got his now. Alex…has what now? Wait, Alex has Rian now, the guy that he had a crush on – Jack must be talking about the guy he has a crush on!

“Who is he, Jack? The guy you like? I’ll talk to him for you, I’ll make him see what an amazing person you are,” I insisted.

Even if I can’t ever have Jack, I want him to be happy, even if it is with another guy.

Jack froze, his eyes wide. “H-How did you figure it out? No, wait, don’t answer that. And you can’t talk to him,”

“Why not? I just want to help you!” I insisted.

“You can’t help me! He’s…” Jack trailed off.

“He’s what?” I said desperately.

Jack made a strangled sound before looking up at me with tear-filled eyes.

“He’s you,” Jack whispered.

W-What? He’s…me? The guy Jack likes is me? That doesn’t make any sense! How can he like me? Why would he like me? But before I could say anything, Jack launched himself towards me and pressed his lips firmly to mine.

Jack’s kissing me.

Holy fucking fuck.