Waiting for Life to Begin

The end of February came, bringing the start of March. Surprisingly, everything’s been okay lately. By that, I mean everything’s okay with Jack. If Jack and Alex hadn’t been chilling out in my bedroom every now and again, sharing soft kisses when they thought I wasn’t looking, it would seem like the bathroom incident had never happened. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Jack hasn’t become super camp around me, but it’s just a bit strange. I guess I thought I would really notice a difference in him.

Which got me thinking – if Jack acting like this is how he’s always acted since he’s realised he was gay, what signs have I missed out on? I mean, sure Jack never bullies gay kids, and tries to stop anyone who does. And he always spends ages getting ready in the morning. And he always worries about what he eats, health wise. And then there was the time I caught him reading his mom’s fashion magazines (he swore he was reading them to look at the hot girls, but now I know the truth). I just…I just think I should’ve noticed sooner. Maybe I didn’t want to notice. Maybe I pushed it to the back of my mind for a reason.

Maybe I didn’t want to believe that my best friend is gay. But, I can’t change anything now. Jack is who he is, and I’ve got to accept that. If I don’t, who the fuck can he turn to? He needs my support, and I’m going to give it to him. Well, as much as I can. It’s not like I know all that much about homosexuals to start with. I told Jack that he should tell Rian too, because Rian wouldn’t judge him, but Jack refused. He said that the less people that know, the better. I don’t agree with that (what’s one more person who wouldn’t tell a soul anyway?) but I can’t force him. It is his secret after all. I just hate lying to Rian. I hate lying to him because he’s my best friend too, and it’s like I’m choosing Jack over Rian, which I hate the thought of. But I can’t persuade Jack so I’ll just have to suck it up and accept it.

Gah.

Anyway, it’s the beginning of March and the football are discussing our plans for Spring Break. It’s lunch time and we’re sitting around our usual table, and as usual I’m sitting between Jack and Rian, Jack being right on the end of the table away from everyone else.

“Are you in, Merrick?” Adam Farland, Offensive Tackle, asked me.

“If I was paying attention, I’d give you an answer,” I replied, unashamedly grinning.

What? I have my own things to think about.

“Enderson’s dad is letting us have his beach place for Spring Break week. Are you in?” Adam asked.

I thought about it. It won’t be fun without Rian and Jack, and I know for a fact that Jack won’t want to spend time with those homophobes. So, no. I’m not in.

“Nah man, I’ve gotta stay with my parents this Spring Break. My grandma’s ill, y’know?” I replied, shaking my head.

I don’t have a grandma. I’m only saying this because Farland’s grandma died Spring Break last year and he wasn’t there. Okay, now I feel like an asshole. But it had to be done.

“It won’t be the same without our Quarterback,” Mark Young, Wide Receiver, frowned.

“Have a few girls for me,” I smirked.

Enderson and Young high-fived, the rest of the team laughing. Jack just sighed. What? It’s not like I’m going to change my sexuality for him, is it?

“Me, Flyzik and Kurily aren’t going either. Kurily isn’t talking to Newman right now, and wherever Kurily goes, Flyzik goes, you know that. I’m sure as hell not going with them on my own,” Rian murmured to me.

“Barakat might be going. You wouldn’t be on your own,” I said, cocking my head.

“Like fuck Barakat is going without you,” Rian snorted, rolling his eyes.

I frowned. What the fuck? Rian saw my confusion and snickered.

“Jack doesn’t like any of those guys and you know it. He wouldn’t go without you,” Rian explained.

Oh, that’s makes it okay then. Still, I’d better check.

“Jack? You okay?” I asked softly, noticing that he was just staring down at his food.

He smiled weakly at me, and nodded.

“Just ignoring all the talk about Spring Break. It’ll be weird without you here again,” Jack sighed.

“If you had been listening, you would’ve found out that I’m not going with them. Nor is Dawson, Flyzik or Kurily,” I teased.

Jack blushed lightly, but he smiled.

“You’re not?” Jack said happily.

“Nah, didn’t feel like it. Dawson figured you wouldn’t be going with them either,” I chuckled.

“What does he mean?” Jack paled.

I winced. “Calm down, he just said that you wouldn’t go with them without me,” I said quietly.

“Oh, well, he’s right,” Jack chuckled.

I smiled and took a bite of my sandwich, glancing around the lunch hall, my gaze landing on Alex’s table. I’ve been getting to know him better, thanks to Jack, and he’s actually an alright guy. I’m feel kinda bad for not getting to know him sooner, especially since I’ve grown up next to him.

Alex’s table had three other guys on, as well as a couple of girls. I know the guys are called Vincent Petrocelli, Evan Kirkendall and Alex Grieco, but I’ve never spoken to them personally. Actually, I think Ross Newman, Offensive Tackle, once shoved Evan into a locker and I made him apologise. Evan did nothing wrong, other than walking a little slowly. Other than that, I’ve never spoken to the ‘skaters’.

I broke out of my thoughts as Alex’s table burst into loud laughter.

“What are those fucking faggots laughing at?” Enderson sneered.

And here we go.

“I bet they’ve turned someone else into a queer,” Farland spat.

“Those cock-suckers better stay away from here, or I’ll make them wish they were never fucking born,” Newman growled.

“Fucking fairies,” Young scowled.

I sighed, looking at Jack. He was biting his bottom lip, clearly trying not to cry. Shit.

“Jack, it’s okay, they will never find out,” I whispered.

“But what if they do? I’m dead meat!” Jack whimpered.

I glanced subtly at Rian, Matt and Danny (the closest people to us) to see if they heard Jack. But they didn’t. So that’s good.

“No, you’re not. I won’t let them hurt you,” I promised.

“D-Do you mean that?” Jack sniffed.

“Yeah, I do,” I nodded.

Jack smiled a little, but he still looked upset. Huh. What can I talk about to distract him with?

“Are they all gay?” I asked quietly.

“No. Well, only Evan isn’t. His girlfriend Eva is sitting with them, and the others girls are her friends. Vinny and Grieco are dating, actually,” Jack smiled, although it was a bit wistful.

Wistful? Does he like one of them or something?

“Oh, well, that’s nice for them to have found someone,” I said.

“I wish the person I liked would like me back,” Jack sighed.

I winced. This really isn’t my area of expertise. When I like a girl, she’s usually falling at my feet anyway, so I rarely have to work for it. I don’t really know how to deal with unrequited crushes, especially if they’re gay.

Alex’s table laughing again, encouraging another spew of insults from the homophobic end of the football table. Jack looked even closer to tears.

“Are you going to be okay? You can’t tear up every time they make fun of someone gay,” I frowned.

“I’ll be okay,” Jack sniffed, rapidly blinking, “As long as I’ve got you to support me,”

I just nodded. Of course I’m not going to abandon him. Jack patted my knee in thanks, squeezing gently before picking at his food. I just froze. Why? Because Jack’s knee squeeze sent fucking tingles through my veins. Fucking tingles. What the fuck? I need to get laid. I can’t be getting tingles from a gay guy. Fuck, where are the cheerleaders when I need them?!

“What’s up, Merrick? You look a little tense,” Matt mused.

I heard Jack inhale sharply from beside me, but ignored it.

“Just trying to figure out how to ask Casey Malone to the movies tonight,” I shrugged, lying effortlessly.

Jack sighed, but again I ignored it.

“And then back to yours, huh?” Danny smirked.

“You know it,” I grinned.

“Dude, just go up to her and tell her you’re taking her out tonight. She’s gagging for your dick, you know this,” Rian chuckled.

Eh, that’s true.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a second. Touch my food, and you’re dead,” I warned my friends.

They laughed, Rian clapping me on the back in encouragement. As I headed over to the attractive red-head cheerleader on the table next to us, I took one look back at my friends. Rian was grinning at me. Matt was grinning at me. Danny was grinning at me. Jack…Jack looked like someone had stomped on his puppy? What the fuck?!

“Hey Merrick,” chorused the cheerleaders.

I smirked, my mind completely distracted again.

“Casey, are you free tonight?” I asked smoothly.

“Depends what for,” she giggled, her friends giggling too.

Well it looks like my evening is planned. As I sorted out my ‘date’ with Casey, my mind flashed back to Jack, only once mind you, but even so. Why did he look so sad? Did I say something mean to him? Did I cancel any plans we’d made? I’ll have to ask him. I can’t have my best friend mad at me.

“I’ll pick you up at 8, Case,” I said triumphantly.

“Can’t wait,” she simpered.

And that is how it’s done. Why do I feel like I’ve done something really bad then?