Waiting for Life to Begin

Spring Break starts in a couple of days, so Coach made tonight’s practice agonisingly long. Also agonisingly painful, but that was because I didn’t warm up properly. Totally my own fault. Anyway, after practice we headed back to the locker room, some of the team going in for showers.

“You were sloppy in the drills today, Barakat. No offence,” Matt frowned, sitting opposite Jack, Rian and I.

“Sorry,” Jack mumbled.

I winced. Jack hasn’t really talked to me since I abandoned him at the skate park three days ago, and I can’t blame him. It was a douchey thing to do. I just wish he’d talk to me, even to yell at me about it. Anything.

“Everything okay?” Danny asked, pulling off his shirt.

Jack averted his eyes and nodded. Yeah, way to not be suspicious. Rian elbowed me sharply in the ribs, raising an eyebrow, but I just shrugged in response. I can’t tell him Jack’s secret without Jack’s permission.

“I’m so pumped for Spring Break! There’s so many parties planned,” Matt said suddenly, breaking the tension.

“Hot girls and plenty of alcohol – what could be better?” Danny grinned.

“What makes you think they’ll be interested in fucking a guy with a racing stripe in his hair?” Rian smirked at Danny.

“I’ll have you know that my hair attracts a lot of beautiful women,” Danny insisted.

“Yeah, in your dreams,” I snickered.

Rian, Matt and Jack laughed, making Danny pout and throw his shoe at me, only making me laugh too and throw it back. At least I made Jack laugh. We carried on getting changed out of our training gear, the rest of the guys coming out of the showers.

“Everything set for Spring Break?” Matt asked Joe Enderson.

“You fucking bet it is,” Enderson grinned, nodding.

“First of all we're..."

“Are you staring at my fucking dick, Barakat?” Mark Young growled, interrupting.

Everyone went silent and stared at the two of them. Oh shit.

“No! Of course I’m not!” Jack yelped, eyes wide.

“Yes you fucking were you faggot!" Young snarled.

"I wasn't, I swear!" Jack defended, although his voice was weak, like he was going to cry.

"Fuck that, hanging out with Gaskarth is turning you queer!” Young said angrily.

Now I’m pissed.

“Hey, just because you want to suck him off doesn’t mean Jack wants the same,” I snapped, glaring at Young.

The team chorused an immature ‘ooh!’, Young just going bright red with embarrassment from me stepping in, Jack just looked like he was going to cry even more.

“I’m not a fucking faggot,” Young muttered, clenching his fists.

“And neither’s Jack so why don’t you just fuck off, yeah?” I said angrily.

Young stood silent for a few seconds, probably debating whether he could beat me if it came down to a fight (definitely not), before scowling and walking round the corner to his locker. Jack whimpered as Enderson, Farland and Newman all glared at him when they walked past, only pissing me off even more. Who the fuck do they think they are?!

“Are you okay, Jack?” I asked quietly.

“Y-Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks,” Jack mumbled.

“I’ve got your back, remember?” I reassured.

Jack smiled weakly and nodded, before gathering all his stuff and practically running out the locker room.

“TEAM MEETING! NOW!” I yelled.

I heard groans and grunts of protest, but soon enough the whole team gathered around me. I glared at Young before clearing my throat.

“We are a team. A family. A fucking unit. No-one and I mean no-one treats each other like Young just treated Barakat, am I clear? We don’t accuse each other of bullshit like this. We don’t turn on each other like rabid dogs. We stick together and we support each other. If we don’t, we might as well all quit the team now because we sure as hell won’t win any games if we’re squabbling like little kids,”

I paused, staring around the group. Rian, Matt, Danny, Louis Sanders and Will Barker were nodding. Young, Enderson, Farland and Newman just looked uncomfortable. Good. They know they’re in the wrong.

“If anyone has a problem with another team member, they come to me. Do you hear me? You come to me. You don’t start picking on people like a fucking bully, just because you know you’ll get a reaction. Jack is one of our team, he’s one of our family, and I’ll be damned if I let any of you hurt him. If I even hear of anyone saying an abusive comment towards him, so help me God I will make your life miserable. Do you understand?”

Silence. Oh for fuck’s sake.

“I said do you understand?” I said a little angrier.

“Yeah, we do,” they chorused, albeit a couple were reluctant.

“Good. We are a team, we’re brothers – don’t forget that,” I finished firmly, holding my head up high, “We’re the fucking Sabertooths, and we work together to fucking rule!”

“Yeah!”
“Alright!”
“Whoo!”

Well, that was a more positive response than I was expecting. Still, I shouldn’t have to have talks like this.

“Meeting adjourned. Don’t forget what I said,” I said resolutely.

Everyone nodded and went back to their lockers. Rian turned to me straight away with narrowed eyes.

“What are you hiding from me?” he hissed.

I sighed. “I can’t tell you. Jack’s just going through a rough time right now and he really doesn’t need shit like that messing him up,” I said simply.

“I don’t like you keeping stuff from me,” Rian grumbled.

“I don’t like doing it, but I promised Jack. You saw what he was like after Young accused him of eye-raping his dick – Jack doesn’t need that, especially not right now,” I muttered.

Rian sighed but nodded. That’s what great about having Rian as a best friend. He knows when to just leave things be.

“I’ll tell you as soon as Jack gives me the okay. He’s trusting me right now and I can’t let him down,” I murmured.

“I understand. Just…don’t leave me out of the loop forever, yeah?” Rian said with a weak smile.

“I won’t, I swear,” I said.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the locker room with Rian, Danny and Matt following me. We all said our goodbyes before separating into our own cars. I turned on the ignition, but didn’t drive away just yet, pulling out my phone instead.

Hey Jack, are you okay? I had a massive team talk after you left and threatened the homophobes that I’d make their lives miserable if they ever treated you like that again. Z

I didn’t have to wait long for Jack to reply.

Yeah, I’m fine, Alex was waiting in his car to pick me up so I didn’t have to hang around. Thank you, Zack. I really mean it. I don’t know what I’d do without your support! And I swear I wasn’t staring at him! He dropped his towel in front of my face and I grimaced because his dick is so small! J x

I burst into laughter, picturing Jack’s expression easily.

Well that’s sounds about right. But Rian knows I’m hiding something from him about you and he doesn’t like it. I really hate lying to him, Jack. Can’t you just tell him already? Z

I looked at the time on my dashboard and winced. If I don’t get home now, I’ll be late for dinner, and my mom will be pissed. Not what I need. I zipped up my hoodie and pulled out of my parking space, before driving down the road, my phone buzzing when I reached a red traffic light.

I can’t, Zack. I just really don’t feel comfortable with telling anyone yet, even Rian. Please can you wait? I’m sorry. J x

I sighed and put my phone down. Jack will know that my lack of reply means I won’t tell. The things I do for this boy. I just hope all of this tension, all of this hiding, all of this anger will be worth it. I really do.

What am I supposed to do if it isn't?