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Sleepless Nights and Fleeting Lights
He just want to bury himself in a long sleep.
He tossed and turned, wrinkling the sheets and his shirt in the process. He closed his eyes, comforted by the darkness that engulfed his being, but still not enough, nothing seems to work. He twisted his body so his lying on his stomach, flat out in the queen size bed that’s too big for only one. He buried his face on the soft pillow, instantly inhaling the scent of the younger man who slept over last night. It settled his nerves but never enough to coax him to have that much needed sleep.
It’s so frustrating to not be able to sleep when you want to, he just want to bury himself in a long sleep, stuck inside a dream, but sleep was never good to him, he never visited the man that longed for him so much. It’s funny that when the younger man was tucked beside him, he slept like a baby, all through the night and woke up at a disgustingly late hour in the afternoon, but that’s if he’s here which he wasn’t at the moment.
He contemplated going to the kitchen and check the medicine cabinet if there’s something there to help him, he swore he saw his mom having sleeping pills, and he badly needed one right now. With more coaxing that he really, really needs -because he’s too lazy to get up-, he finally sauntered off the kitchen to find the miracle bottle. He saw that the clock was blaring red digits saying 5:30am. He cursed under his breath frustrated with himself, good thing they got a week of rest. He saw what he’s looking for right under a box of condom which his mom bought for him when he turned 18, he scoffed at the thought that crossed his mind because he never get to use that damn plastic.
Yeah, he’s a virgin, so what?
He took two of the bright red medicine, consequences be damned he needs his sleep. He soon climbed up the stairs feeling a little funny, damn this pills works wonders. He felt his eyelids slowly fluttering close and he’s only half way back to his room, so he half ran half walk the distance and slid back under the covers, warmth giving him the most content feeling with the buzzing in his head. He let his eyelids drop close, not knowing that maybe this was the last time and they would never flutter open again.
-
Just as the brim of sunlight started to show, the door opened and closed with a mild huff that didn’t reverberate all throughout the house, he was careful, making cool strides up the stairs and almost bumping into a sleepy eyed woman who smiled sweetly when she saw the raven haired boy. She’s not surprised that the boy let himself in, treating it like it was his home cause for those few grueling painful months all those years ago, it actually was. They were so grateful that he was in their son’s life. She carried on walking down the stairs after hugging him, giving the boy a soft push to go on.
He walked right to the farthest room, placing his ear against the door trying to make out any sound that indicated the older man was awake, nothing, slowly he turned the knob. He felt guilty because he hadn’t slept with him last night which he promised he would, so here he was early in the morning creeping in the elder’s house to try and comfort him but by the looks of things, he managed to survive the night and was in deep slumber. He smiled because this was like the first time he saw him asleep without his help.
He walked to the bed, mattress dipping when he sat at the edge, looking fondly to the sleeping man, he thought that he’d be awoken by the movement but he was still unmoved. He reached for his hand, gently touching the older man, he knew it was selfish to wake him but he knows that he can always get him back to sleep because he’s here now anyway.
With that in mind he tugged at his hand gently whispering his name, still nothing, then he noticed that the elder man’s hand was cold and that he’s skin was a bit damped, there was a building of cold sweat in his forehead. He was alarmed by this. He shook him with a determined force, saying his name a little bit more loudly. Still nothing.
And then it happened, his body flinched and convulsed violently. He’s almost double taking by the immense force that shocked through his body. The veins in his neck was so visible to the point like it will explode, his eyes flew open with only slits of white could be seen. It scared the younger man to an unimaginable level which left him screaming his name and asking the expanse of the room just what the hell is happening.
His screams got louder and louder as if it will help to stop what was happening and make the older man better again. He tried to hug him, so tight just to stop the jerky motions his body was making but with no luck, he just kept on shaking.
The screaming alarmed the elder’s parents and ran to the room. Seeing the scene unfold, there was a loud gasp and a shaky call of his name. It was so surreal, that the day was just slowly unfolding, birds on the trees singing, thankful for another beautiful day but then inside the Gaskarth household everyone was in the brink of breaking down.
It happened so fast that neither of them knew what to do at first, no one made a move to call for help. Parents just stood there embracing each other, desperately clinging for dear life. Not until the younger man screamed again, yelling the other’s name, that they were brought back to their senses and hurried downstairs to make the most important call, the call for help so the precious life endangered could be saved.
-
White walls and antiseptic, it made him sick to be here. He shouldn’t be here at all. He should be on a warm bed, engulfing the older man in a tight hug, sniffing his hair, and just feeling content and satisfied that they were lying against each other, no worries, no buts and what ifs, just the two of them in their personal bubble, just like always.
But all that was like a daydream now, ‘cause here he was sitting in a very uncomfortable plastic chair, pulling his hair out of frustration and tears just threatening to break lose once again. What happened? Why would he do that? He never once thought that the older man would do such a thing. It was berserk that the old man loathes just the idea of it and now here he was, he had done just the exact dumbest thing.
Why would he take his own life?
No, he wouldn’t. Those were the words that kept repeating itself like a broken record on the younger man’s mind. His thought pattern just goes back and forth to the idea that this wouldn’t happen if he hadn’t ditched Alex in the first place. He knew not to trust him during the night. But he didn’t thought he would do this. And he wouldn’t, he scold himself again. There must be a logical reason for this, Alex has always been logical, though he’s also too emotional for his own good.
Long hours of waiting and still nothing. What could take these fucking doctors so long? Then the door opened. And came of the guy in green, looking rather worn and that was never a good sign. His heartbeat escalated to unimaginable speed as he looked at the man making its way to him and the pain-stricken Gaskarths and he told them to come to his office. Jack begged to come with them and of course the parents let him as he’s a part of the family nonetheless.
“You all know that he had overdose on a sleeping pill and there was an allergic reaction that happened, his body reacted differently that’s why he had a cardiac arrest during his sleep. It’s good that you got there in time and brought him here, we pumped his stomach but a lot of the substance was already on his bloodstream causing these effects and that’s the reason why he’s in coma right now.”
Lady Gaskarth almost fell from her chair hearing this but there’s more to come.
“We will be injecting a serum to try and clean his blood out of the substances but we can’t promise a hundred percent recovery, your son has a lot of allergy to different elements that we are not sure as to how his body will react to the medicine that we will induce him. Didn’t you know that he has these allergies?”
They could only shake their head no. Of course they didn’t know, if they did they would have thrown that damn thing away. Isobel didn’t know what to do, she’s been the one who always told Alex to use those dreadful things if he was having a hard time sleeping and look what it did to her poor baby.
-
One whole week and not a single detectable movement, slow heart rate, sleazy lines that meant nothing but dreadful truth that he may never wake again. All this time Jack never left his side, mostly talking to the inanimate boy believing that he would hear his words and that would coax him to rouse from his deep slumber, but hoping never did Jack any good.
Whole seven days and nothing. 168 hours, 10080 minutes, 604800 seconds passed with no hold of the bright future.
It has come to this day, the one which the Gaskarths and Jack dreaded the most.
“We have to end it somehow. It was not doing any good for your son’s health or for his betterment. I’m sorry but I’m afraid you have to make a decision. It’s either you end it for him now or let him live through machines his entire life and hope for the best. I know this is not easy for you but we have done everything we can, if we keep inducing your son with these medicines his body will shut down gradually and it will be harder for him and especially for you though he may not be conscious, you would be. And you will see him wither bit by bit.”
It’s as if someone threw a bucket full of ice on them, their face drained of color and eyes wide in shock, mouth agape, not knowing what to say after hearing such horrible words from someone whom their only chance of saving the precious life of their love one.
This can’t be happening.
“No, no NO!! YOU’RE LYING!” Jack screamed his heart out and ran from the doctor’s office where he chose to drop the bomb.
He was panting when he arrived at Alex’s room, hand shaking as he brought it to the knob to open the door and reveal the sleeping form of the boy he love but may not even have a chance of saying nor showing it.
How can someone just simply ask you if you’re willing to take away the life of someone you hold dear? He wanted to scream, he wanted to grab Alex and shake him awake, it’s his fault.
Stupid, stupid Alex.
Why didn’t he just called him when he couldn’t sleep like he always do, why did he have to take those vile things that he have hated from the beginning.
He was eyeing him warily, as if any moment he’d wake up and laugh at Jack, saying how stupid he is to fell for that. Maybe he’d wake up and scream at Jack for not being there when he needed him.
He moved from his seat and hovered over Alex, pushing the hair that fell on his face. He leaned down, tucking his face in the crook of his neck…
“You can’t do this to me Lex… you have to wake up you stupid prick. I have to tell you how I love you so fucking much, you need to laugh at me and then pull me in for a kiss and whisper how much of an idiot I am like you always do when you’ve had too much to drink and I barely drank any.” He breathe in shakily, missing the tear that flowed from his eye as many soon cascaded freely.
“Wake up you stupid fucker, you need to tell me you love me too a-and… and tell me to choke on a dick because I’ll c-call you faggot. Come on Alex. I… I need y-you…” he’s body was rocking with intense sobs as he wrapped his arms in the fragile body of the boy he loved so much.
“Don’t you f-fucking dare l-leave me…” he clutched at him tightly afraid that he would fade away if he let go.
“I love you s-so much yo-you big d-dumb idiot...” he let his entire inhibitions slide and let misery and pain rip at him shamelessly.
Chest heaving and constricting with so much pain because, was this really the end? Will he never see him awake, walking, talking and being his bitchy self? Will he be able to stare at his eyes again and be lost in them, not wanting to find the way out? Will he ever hear his beautiful voice again...
“J-jack?...”
It’s so frustrating to not be able to sleep when you want to, he just want to bury himself in a long sleep, stuck inside a dream, but sleep was never good to him, he never visited the man that longed for him so much. It’s funny that when the younger man was tucked beside him, he slept like a baby, all through the night and woke up at a disgustingly late hour in the afternoon, but that’s if he’s here which he wasn’t at the moment.
He contemplated going to the kitchen and check the medicine cabinet if there’s something there to help him, he swore he saw his mom having sleeping pills, and he badly needed one right now. With more coaxing that he really, really needs -because he’s too lazy to get up-, he finally sauntered off the kitchen to find the miracle bottle. He saw that the clock was blaring red digits saying 5:30am. He cursed under his breath frustrated with himself, good thing they got a week of rest. He saw what he’s looking for right under a box of condom which his mom bought for him when he turned 18, he scoffed at the thought that crossed his mind because he never get to use that damn plastic.
Yeah, he’s a virgin, so what?
He took two of the bright red medicine, consequences be damned he needs his sleep. He soon climbed up the stairs feeling a little funny, damn this pills works wonders. He felt his eyelids slowly fluttering close and he’s only half way back to his room, so he half ran half walk the distance and slid back under the covers, warmth giving him the most content feeling with the buzzing in his head. He let his eyelids drop close, not knowing that maybe this was the last time and they would never flutter open again.
-
Just as the brim of sunlight started to show, the door opened and closed with a mild huff that didn’t reverberate all throughout the house, he was careful, making cool strides up the stairs and almost bumping into a sleepy eyed woman who smiled sweetly when she saw the raven haired boy. She’s not surprised that the boy let himself in, treating it like it was his home cause for those few grueling painful months all those years ago, it actually was. They were so grateful that he was in their son’s life. She carried on walking down the stairs after hugging him, giving the boy a soft push to go on.
He walked right to the farthest room, placing his ear against the door trying to make out any sound that indicated the older man was awake, nothing, slowly he turned the knob. He felt guilty because he hadn’t slept with him last night which he promised he would, so here he was early in the morning creeping in the elder’s house to try and comfort him but by the looks of things, he managed to survive the night and was in deep slumber. He smiled because this was like the first time he saw him asleep without his help.
He walked to the bed, mattress dipping when he sat at the edge, looking fondly to the sleeping man, he thought that he’d be awoken by the movement but he was still unmoved. He reached for his hand, gently touching the older man, he knew it was selfish to wake him but he knows that he can always get him back to sleep because he’s here now anyway.
With that in mind he tugged at his hand gently whispering his name, still nothing, then he noticed that the elder man’s hand was cold and that he’s skin was a bit damped, there was a building of cold sweat in his forehead. He was alarmed by this. He shook him with a determined force, saying his name a little bit more loudly. Still nothing.
And then it happened, his body flinched and convulsed violently. He’s almost double taking by the immense force that shocked through his body. The veins in his neck was so visible to the point like it will explode, his eyes flew open with only slits of white could be seen. It scared the younger man to an unimaginable level which left him screaming his name and asking the expanse of the room just what the hell is happening.
His screams got louder and louder as if it will help to stop what was happening and make the older man better again. He tried to hug him, so tight just to stop the jerky motions his body was making but with no luck, he just kept on shaking.
The screaming alarmed the elder’s parents and ran to the room. Seeing the scene unfold, there was a loud gasp and a shaky call of his name. It was so surreal, that the day was just slowly unfolding, birds on the trees singing, thankful for another beautiful day but then inside the Gaskarth household everyone was in the brink of breaking down.
It happened so fast that neither of them knew what to do at first, no one made a move to call for help. Parents just stood there embracing each other, desperately clinging for dear life. Not until the younger man screamed again, yelling the other’s name, that they were brought back to their senses and hurried downstairs to make the most important call, the call for help so the precious life endangered could be saved.
-
White walls and antiseptic, it made him sick to be here. He shouldn’t be here at all. He should be on a warm bed, engulfing the older man in a tight hug, sniffing his hair, and just feeling content and satisfied that they were lying against each other, no worries, no buts and what ifs, just the two of them in their personal bubble, just like always.
But all that was like a daydream now, ‘cause here he was sitting in a very uncomfortable plastic chair, pulling his hair out of frustration and tears just threatening to break lose once again. What happened? Why would he do that? He never once thought that the older man would do such a thing. It was berserk that the old man loathes just the idea of it and now here he was, he had done just the exact dumbest thing.
Why would he take his own life?
No, he wouldn’t. Those were the words that kept repeating itself like a broken record on the younger man’s mind. His thought pattern just goes back and forth to the idea that this wouldn’t happen if he hadn’t ditched Alex in the first place. He knew not to trust him during the night. But he didn’t thought he would do this. And he wouldn’t, he scold himself again. There must be a logical reason for this, Alex has always been logical, though he’s also too emotional for his own good.
Long hours of waiting and still nothing. What could take these fucking doctors so long? Then the door opened. And came of the guy in green, looking rather worn and that was never a good sign. His heartbeat escalated to unimaginable speed as he looked at the man making its way to him and the pain-stricken Gaskarths and he told them to come to his office. Jack begged to come with them and of course the parents let him as he’s a part of the family nonetheless.
“You all know that he had overdose on a sleeping pill and there was an allergic reaction that happened, his body reacted differently that’s why he had a cardiac arrest during his sleep. It’s good that you got there in time and brought him here, we pumped his stomach but a lot of the substance was already on his bloodstream causing these effects and that’s the reason why he’s in coma right now.”
Lady Gaskarth almost fell from her chair hearing this but there’s more to come.
“We will be injecting a serum to try and clean his blood out of the substances but we can’t promise a hundred percent recovery, your son has a lot of allergy to different elements that we are not sure as to how his body will react to the medicine that we will induce him. Didn’t you know that he has these allergies?”
They could only shake their head no. Of course they didn’t know, if they did they would have thrown that damn thing away. Isobel didn’t know what to do, she’s been the one who always told Alex to use those dreadful things if he was having a hard time sleeping and look what it did to her poor baby.
-
One whole week and not a single detectable movement, slow heart rate, sleazy lines that meant nothing but dreadful truth that he may never wake again. All this time Jack never left his side, mostly talking to the inanimate boy believing that he would hear his words and that would coax him to rouse from his deep slumber, but hoping never did Jack any good.
Whole seven days and nothing. 168 hours, 10080 minutes, 604800 seconds passed with no hold of the bright future.
It has come to this day, the one which the Gaskarths and Jack dreaded the most.
“We have to end it somehow. It was not doing any good for your son’s health or for his betterment. I’m sorry but I’m afraid you have to make a decision. It’s either you end it for him now or let him live through machines his entire life and hope for the best. I know this is not easy for you but we have done everything we can, if we keep inducing your son with these medicines his body will shut down gradually and it will be harder for him and especially for you though he may not be conscious, you would be. And you will see him wither bit by bit.”
It’s as if someone threw a bucket full of ice on them, their face drained of color and eyes wide in shock, mouth agape, not knowing what to say after hearing such horrible words from someone whom their only chance of saving the precious life of their love one.
This can’t be happening.
“No, no NO!! YOU’RE LYING!” Jack screamed his heart out and ran from the doctor’s office where he chose to drop the bomb.
He was panting when he arrived at Alex’s room, hand shaking as he brought it to the knob to open the door and reveal the sleeping form of the boy he love but may not even have a chance of saying nor showing it.
How can someone just simply ask you if you’re willing to take away the life of someone you hold dear? He wanted to scream, he wanted to grab Alex and shake him awake, it’s his fault.
Stupid, stupid Alex.
Why didn’t he just called him when he couldn’t sleep like he always do, why did he have to take those vile things that he have hated from the beginning.
He was eyeing him warily, as if any moment he’d wake up and laugh at Jack, saying how stupid he is to fell for that. Maybe he’d wake up and scream at Jack for not being there when he needed him.
He moved from his seat and hovered over Alex, pushing the hair that fell on his face. He leaned down, tucking his face in the crook of his neck…
“You can’t do this to me Lex… you have to wake up you stupid prick. I have to tell you how I love you so fucking much, you need to laugh at me and then pull me in for a kiss and whisper how much of an idiot I am like you always do when you’ve had too much to drink and I barely drank any.” He breathe in shakily, missing the tear that flowed from his eye as many soon cascaded freely.
“Wake up you stupid fucker, you need to tell me you love me too a-and… and tell me to choke on a dick because I’ll c-call you faggot. Come on Alex. I… I need y-you…” he’s body was rocking with intense sobs as he wrapped his arms in the fragile body of the boy he loved so much.
“Don’t you f-fucking dare l-leave me…” he clutched at him tightly afraid that he would fade away if he let go.
“I love you s-so much yo-you big d-dumb idiot...” he let his entire inhibitions slide and let misery and pain rip at him shamelessly.
Chest heaving and constricting with so much pain because, was this really the end? Will he never see him awake, walking, talking and being his bitchy self? Will he be able to stare at his eyes again and be lost in them, not wanting to find the way out? Will he ever hear his beautiful voice again...
“J-jack?...”
♠ ♠ ♠
This has been half written, was abandoned for months and I just found this again so I decided to finish it. I hope the end wasn't too subtle. xDSo, what do you think?