Deep Down I Really

2 months later…

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cause someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
you're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
is already in my life?
right in front of me
or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
how do I find the perfect fit
there's enough for everyone
but I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone

I sat there listening to this song while tears rolled down my eyes. I tried hard not to let them fall but they couldn’t. My heart was aching so much, I felt it had been ripped out and torn to pieces. I wanted so much for him to hold me and tell me soothing words in my ear but I knew that wasn’t happening.

When the song ended, ‘Emily’ played and more and more tears started to fall when I remembered about him. How could have I been so blind to see that he; Brian Haner would love me. I mean from all the girls in school who would have been so dumb to choose me.

I heard a noise from the window. I forced myself up from my bed and went to my window. I opened the curtains and saw him. The guy that I loved, still do and will always but I knew he doesn’t love me back. I wiped away my tears and opened the window to see what he wanted.

“Emily look please just hear me out, pleases I want to talk to you just for a minute, please,” he begged.

“Please?” he said again and I nodded since he has been asking me to talk to him for about three days.

I went downstairs to open the door. I led him to my room not wanting to make a scene outside or in front of my parents. I closed the door behind me and waited for him to speak.

“Emily, I love you so much and you know that. I didn’t have anything to do with Jessica heck I never even talked to her,” he said and he sounded getting angry at Jessica for what she did.
I didn’t speak I just listened closely to everything he said to see if he was telling the truth.

“Emily, I would never do anything to hurt you. I love you so much, these months together have been the best of my life I never felt this way to anyone and if something happened to you I would die. I love you so much and you will always be in heart. These last few days have been my worst days in years, I’m not eating or talking to anyone, I just want things to get back to normal. But I know that can’t happen but at least I want us to be friends if you’re not ready to be with me again,” he said and I knew that everything he had said were the same things I was feeling.

I still didn’t speak since I was in deep thought on what I should say and do. I had put the song Emily on repeat and now it was playing again. Brian noticed and smiled a little as did I when I remembered what he did for me on Valentine’s Day.

Brian moved closer and kissed my lips softly. I had missed them so much but I had missed him so much more. I missed the way he used to put his hands around my shoulder and kiss my forehead. The way our date would be walking in the park hand in hand. The way every time I felt cold he would give me his jacket.

Another tear fell and Brian wiped it away with his lips and kissing my cheek. He then pulled me in a hug and when I felt those hands around me I broke and started to cry on his shoulder. Brian started to ran his hand up and down my back and telling me that everything is gonna be alright.

But I couldn’t let him take advantage of this so I pulled away and took a deep breath before I said,

“Listen I think it’s better if we just stay friends, please because I mean after what happened, I don’t think I’m ready,” I said even though every word I said felt like I was being stabbed. Brian did look hurt and sad when I looked in his eyes. He just nodded and said,

“OK,” but then I did see some happiness that at least we are friends.

“So we’re friends?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I said even though I wanted to say that I wanted us to be more than friends.