Cliché

There wasn’t any yelling. No screaming accusations, no guilt tripping. Everything felt numb to Allison. Not just everything in her - everything around her. Kris. The apartment. The life they had made together. It felt numb and empty…haunted.

Not a lot what said either. There wasn’t much to say - why dwell on details that would only hurt Allison more? Just enough conversation was made to be clear that Kris had really fucked up this time around. That it wouldn’t be forgiven and forgotten like it had last time this had happened. And he was also the one who had suggested maybe he leave for a while, stay with one of the guys until he could get things sorted out in his life.

That killed Allison. What was worse was watching his things slowly be packed away into a few bags, stacked by the door ready for departure. The helpless part of her wished she hadn’t said anything in the first place, just for the comfort of having Kris around just a little longer. And that part of herself made her feel disgusting - that after all he’d put her through, she still craved his presence in her life. He made her feel secure and safe and wanted. But that was a joke, she had to remind herself. The only thing he should make her feel was cheated.

And she felt that, too - a hot and sickening pressure just behind her sternum. She should have done this so much earlier, maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt so much. I’m such a fool.

The closest they got to speaking about the situation at hand was in their apartment’s foyer, just as Kris was getting ready to leave. He had one shoe on and was about to slide the other one on when Allison spoke.

“Why?” she asked him, her voice shallow and spent. The chills running through her had nothing to do with temperature. She leaned against the doorway, watching the man she loved - still loved, even now - prepare to step out of her life. Why did this somehow fee worse than all of the lying and cheating?

Kris paused, dark hair falling to cover his face. She watched the line of his strong jaw clench and unclench as he tried to find the right words. “I didn’t do this to hurt you,” he said quietly, accent stronger than usual.

Then why do it at all? a bitter side of her mind quipped.

As if he had heard that, he continued on. “I got lost in a moment, and once that happened I couldn’t make it stop.” He swallowed, finally shifting his gaze to find hers. “I lost control. I am so sorry,”

It wasn’t much of an explanation, but it was something. She could understand what he meant - getting so caught up in something that it completely consumed you. Made you look over other parts of your life. Act like a total douche to people that meant something to do. She’d been the same way when she first met Kris. And when her family wouldn’t stand behind her relationship with them, she turned them loose. Only difference between her and Kris was that she would have never risk all that to cheat.

Then again, what difference did it make when they both lost in the end?

Allison crossed her arms, tilting her head as she studied Kris. She didn’t doubt how sorry he felt. And the same part of her that forgave him last time so badly wanted to accept his apology again this time and move on. But common sense kicked in and made her hold her tongue. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

“Who are you staying with?” she asked, running through a list of guys in her head as she tried to guess.

“Marc and Vero,” he said, standing up and hoisting his bag onto his shoulder. “Just for a while.”

His eyes met hers as he said that, as if hinting at the hope that his stay there could be cut short by a return home.

Something in Allison’s head clicked, like a light bulb going off. Did he really expect forgiveness again this time? Was that the impression she was giving him? Suddenly, those dark, angry feelings inside Allison came out of hiding. So strongly that she had to clutch the fabric of her sweatshirt to keep her hands from shaking.

She regarded him with a stony expression, hoping she worked every last ounce of her emotions into her next few words. “Don’t hold your breath,” she said quietly, not taking her eyes from him as she spoke.

Kris’ façade faltered, showing that she’d caught him off guard. His lips parted as if he were about to say something, but no words came out. Instead he grab the strap of his other bag and opened the front door, stepping out quietly and pulling the door shut behind him.

That was it. He was gone.

And so life went on.