Some People Stay

Amelia wasn’t really sure what had caused her to come here today, and she was pretty sure that it wasn’t a good idea. But, was she going to turn around? No. Instead, she parked her car, getting out and walking to David’s grave.

She saw the flowers on top of his grave, and she bent down in front of it. She looked up to the sky for a moment, seeing that it was a gloomy, gray day, and she could only think that it was appropriate for how she was feeling. She looked at his grave, placing a hand on the tombstone. “David,” she said softly, wishing so badly that he was still with her. “David, why did you have to leave me?” she asked, her voice straining as she could feel the tears well up. “Why can’t you still be here with me? I need you, David. I need you so badly. I just want to be with you,” she said very quietly as she let the tears fall freely.

She moved so she was now sitting on the ground, her hand on the dirt that was covering the grave. “God, I would give anything to be with you right now, you know that?” she spoke to David. “I’m really tempted to do whatever it takes to be with you now,” she continued, her words beginning to slur as she was sobbing now. She thought she felt raindrops, but she also wondered if it were her tears. Either way, she wasn’t concerned at the moment. Being here and talking to David was more important.

“David, would you still love me if I killed myself to be with you?” she asked him through her sobs. Thunder blared in the background, almost as if it were the answer to her question, that David would be furious if she tried to kill herself. There was no doubt now that it was raining, as it was beginning to fall even harder. But, Amelia kept sitting there, talking to her deceased husband. “Why not?” she continued. “I would rather be with you right now than stay living here with anybody else,” she said. She was practically screaming now, but with her crying, many of her words weren’t coming out clearly.

“I miss you, David,” she sobbed, the rain pouring now, soaking her from head to toe. Lightning was now accompanying the thunder, but she needed to finish this conversation, not caring if she was in danger at the moment.

I love you so much, David. So much,” she told him, as if he didn’t know that already. “I just need you right now. I can’t make it through everything without you. I need to be with you,” she repeated as thunder sounded again. She saw the connection between every time she mentioned suicide and the thunder, and she wondered if it was David’s reaction to her talk. But, she still wanted to be with him. “I love you,” she kept repeating, just sitting there, soaking up the rain. She felt herself shiver, and she suddenly noticed the great drop in temperature.

She knew she couldn’t sit there for very much longer, and she grabbed her phone out of her purse. She glanced at it, surprised it still worked right now with the rain. But, a potential broken phone was the least of her problems right now. She needed to get out of the cemetery, and she knew she was in no condition to drive herself. She scrolled past Bridget’s number, not wanting to call her and explain what was going on. In fact, if she could keep all of this a secret from Bridget for the rest of her life, she would be happy. Instead, she reached for her purse again, finding a post-it note inside that had a phone number scribbled on it. Dialing the number, she waited to see if anyone was going to pick up.

“Hello?” she finally heard him say.

“Jon?” Amelia said, her voice still strained from her crying.

“Amelia?” he asked worriedly, obviously knowing everything wasn’t right. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” he asked her.

“Can you come pick me up?” she asked him.

“Of course, where are you?” he asked.

She told him the name and address of the cemetery before adding, “And, Jon, could you not tell Bridget about it right now? I don’t want her to know.”

“Sure,” he told her. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Amelia hung up, beginning to cry harder as she turned her attention to David’s grave once again. She sat there as the rain slowed down, and she wondered if that was another omen, that the sky was beginning to open up and she could see some sun in the far distance, just as Jonathan was on his wave to save her. She still wasn’t sure she wanted to live, but it seemed that all of these signs were telling her she had no choice to do anything else.

She heard a car pull up, and she turned around to see a taxi sitting there as Jonathan got out. He waved the taxi off, and he made his way towards her. He knelt next to her, looking her over to make sure she was okay. “Amelia, what’s going on?” he asked her as she shivered, her teeth chattering as she was so cold from the rain that had just drenched her.

“I just wanted to end it all,” she spoke extremely quietly, but Jonathan understood her very clearly.

“Wanted?” he asked her. “As in past tense?”

Amelia shook her head. “I don’t know anymore,” she admitted. “I just want to go home right now,” she told him, and he nodded his head, not saying another word, but instead putting his arm around her, helping her up off the ground. He asked her for her keys, and she handed them over immediately as she climbed into the passenger seat of the car.

They drove in silence except for the occasional direction Amelia fed him to get back to her house along with the constant chattering of her teeth. Jonathan had turned the heat on in the car, even though he was now burning up, but he needed to get her warm. As he stopped at a stoplight, he quickly pulled off his Blackhawks sweatshirt he was wearing and handed it to her. She looked at him curiously, and he told her, “Put it on. You’re freezing and you need to get warm.”

She gave him a weak smile as she put the sweatshirt on. “You didn’t tell Bridget where you went, did you?” she asked him, and Jonathan could tell she was extremely worried about Bridget finding out.

He shook his head. “No, I didn’t. Though, I think you might want to tell her. She deserves to know, Amelia. Especially when you’re this bad,” he added. She knew exactly what he meant even though he didn’t say the words out loud. She thought she was getting over her suicidal thoughts, especially with the medication they had put her on. But, apparently she wasn’t. Though, part of that could have been because she wasn’t exactly diligent about taking her anti-depressants.

“Turn right here,” she directed him, trying to figure out what to say to him about the Bridget situation. “Listen, Jon, I don’t want to tell Bridget, okay? Can you please respect that?”

Jonathan nodded his head, seeing her house right ahead of him. He pulled into her driveway, putting the car in park. “I won’t tell Bridget if you don’t want me to, but she wants to know what’s going on with you. She wants to help you.”

“She can’t help me,” Amelia interrupted.

“You need to go back to the psychiatrist,” Jonathan told her bluntly. She stared at him for a moment, and he simply continued. “Look at you, Amelia. You’re soaking wet because you were at David’s grave contemplating killing yourself. You can’t keep going on like this. You need to get help. I know you’re not keen on going back to Dr. Sullivan, but you need to,” he said emphatically.

She could tell he was only worrying about her, and she knew he had her best intentions at heart. “Make the appointment,” she said quietly, stepping out of the car. Jonathan sat there for a second before hopping out of the car himself.

“You’ll go?” he asked her.

She turned back around to face him. “Make the appointment,” she repeated before walking up to her front door, unlocking it. She started to step inside before she stopped herself, turning around. “Hey Jon,” she called out. “Thanks,” she told him, giving him a small smile before walking into her house, shutting the door behind her.