Some People Stay

Amelia lied on her couch, not being able to sleep for a number of reasons. First of all, the couch was just plain uncomfortable. But, her other two options were the floor or going to the bed that she used to share with her husband. She could barely enter the bedroom without sobbing, and she knew she’d never last a night in there. She already had nightmares every single night that she was there when David had gotten bombed and she was watching the whole thing, but she couldn’t do anything about it. She could just imagine how much more intense those nightmares would be if she were to sleep in the bed her and David used to share.

Bridget had asked her countless times if she wanted to stay at her house with her, but every single time Amelia said no. She didn’t want people to feel like they needed to babysit her, and that’s exactly how Bridget made it seem. She knew her sister only had her best intentions at heart, but Amelia was determined to make it through everything on her own, no matter how long that took.

Every night, Bridget would stay with Amelia until she fell asleep. Or at least until Bridget thought Amelia fell asleep. In reality, Amelia never slept. She would pretend to fall asleep for Bridget’s sake, just so she would go home and get some sleep herself. And, then Amelia would just lie wide awake, staring up at the ceiling, wondering why God was putting her through all of this.

Amelia wrapped the blanket tighter around her. It was the middle of the summer in Nashville, and it was exceptionally hot outside and in her house, but for some reason she was constantly cold since her husband’s death, as if he was her heat and by taking him away, her body heat was also taken away. She glanced at her watch, wondering how much longer it was going to be before Bridget showed up. Amelia preferred to be alone, but she knew her sister wouldn’t have that, so every day, Bridget would show up around eight in the morning and spend the entire day with her. Amelia would tell her numerous times to just go home, but Bridget would never listen, waiting until Amelia “fell asleep.”

She heard a knock on her door, and Amelia furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Bridget never knocked on the door, always just using her key to let herself inside, so Amelia really had no idea who it was. She contemplated not getting up and hoping that the person just gave up eventually, but the knocking persisted, and she reluctantly stood up.

She peeked through the peephole, wondering if it was one of her neighbors. If that was the case, she didn’t want to deal with them right now. Them giving her a baked dish wasn’t going to help anything, and she really didn’t want to hear another apology that meant nothing to her. But, when she looked through the small hole, she had to do a second take, wondering if who she thought she saw was really standing there. She slowly unlocked the door, opening it up to see that Jonathan Toews really was standing there, though for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why.

“Amelia,” he smiled softly at her, and Amelia continued to stand there in confusion. “Do you mind if I come in?” he asked.

“Sure,” Amelia said quietly, stepping aside. She glanced outside to see it was an exceptionally sunny day, and she could tell by the girl who was running in a sports bra and short shorts that it was another hot day, but as she shut the door behind Jonathan, she only wrapped her blanket more tightly around her, wanting more warmth. “Can I ask you why you’re here?” she asked. “If you’re looking for Bridget, she’s not here. She’s at her house.”

Jonathan shook his head. “I’m not looking for her. Actually, I just came from her house,” he said, only causing Amelia to be even more confused, if that was possible. All she wanted was someone to just explain everything to her.

“Why are you here?” Amelia asked once again. “Especially if you just saw Bridget. I haven’t talked to you in how long? And you just show up at my door when my life is going through hell?” she asked. She didn’t sound mad to Jonathan. In fact, it almost sounded as if she were emotionless, which Jonathan wouldn’t be surprised about given the circumstances.

“I’m here to see you. I know you’re hurting right now, and Bridget told me you’ve been pushing her away. For some reason, she thought that maybe if I came here I could help you out somehow,” Jonathan said.

“So you’re here because Bridget asked you to come here?” Amelia asked, sitting back down on the couch.

“No,” Jonathan said. “Well, yes,” he admitted. “But, I’m here for you, too. Bridge is worried for you.”

“She expects me to be okay,” Amelia told him. “And, I can’t be. Not when David just died. I can’t live my life like nothing happened.”

“No one’s asking you to do that,” Jonathan replied.

“Everyone is,” Amelia responded. “And, I don’t want to. I don’t want to just go on with my life. I can’t do that. I love David, and I can’t believe he’s gone. And, I don’t want to forget him or just keep on going like it’s nothing. Because it is something. I lost the person I love more than anything in the world. And, he’s not coming back,” she said, letting the tears stream down her face. She hated that she was crying. That seemed to be the only thing she had been doing lately, and she wondered when the tears were going to run out, because it was probably soon.

Jonathan put a hand on her back, rubbing it before he pulled her into a hug, not really knowing what else to do. Amelia hadn’t had anybody do that since David, and she didn’t react well to it, just wanting David back. “Don’t pretend to care,” she said, her voice full of anger.

Jonathan backed away, shocked by her outburst. “I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized, not expecting her to get mad at him for trying to comfort her. “And, I’m not pretending to care,” he added.

“Yes you are!” Amelia said loudly, moving further away from him on the couch. “You’re not here because you care one bit about me. You’re here for Bridget! I don’t know if you’re doing this as a favor for her because you two are friends or if you just want to get in her pants, but you’re not here because you want to be. You don’t give a damn about me or what has happened!” she continued, her voice rising into a full scream at this point, as she stood up standing in front of him.

“That’s not true,” Jonathan countered, keeping his voice calm, knowing there was no reason to get into a screaming match with her right now. “I do care about you, Amelia.”

“Oh really?” she questioned. “Jon, I haven’t seen you since when? When was the last time I saw you?” she asked, trying to think about it. “My wedding? And why were you there? Because of Bridget? Jon, you never have cared about me. My sister? Yes. But, me? No. And, that’s okay. You and her were always close, and that’s fine. But, don’t try to pretend to care about me right now. Be a man and admit it, you’re here because of Bridget. You wouldn’t be here right now if Bridget hadn’t have asked you. You probably wouldn’t have even thought about me or wondered how I’m doing. So don’t tell me you care,” she said, screaming so much that her voice was starting to crack.

“Amelia,” Jonathan said ever so calmly. “I care about you,” he said slowly, wanting the words to really sink in with her. “Yes, I came here because Bridget asked me to. But, I am staying because of you. You need to see that there are people here that care about you. I am one of them. No, we haven’t been super close in the past. But, I still care about you, and I want to see you get through this. No one is asking you to just forget about David. We all just want to see you get better, though.”

“Get out,” Amelia said lowly, and Jonathan stared at her. “Get out!” she repeated, screaming at the top of her lungs at him.

Jonathan knew nothing he said was going to help, and he knew that him being there right now was only going to make things worse. So, he walked to the door, and right when he reached it, he turned back around towards Amelia. “I do care about you, Amelia,” he told her one last time as he opened the door. She didn’t take kindly to his words though, obviously not believing him, and she ran over to the door, slamming it behind him.

“That did not go as planned, “Jonathan mumbled to himself on the other side.

Amelia threw herself back onto her couch, unable to believe what had just gone down. She couldn’t believe Bridget had called Jonathan. And why? Did she really think Jonathan was going to do anything to help her? She had never been close to Jonathan so why would now be any different? How did she honestly think this would work? Jonathan wasn’t going to help her. No one was going to help her.