All or Nothing
Weak
"What's up with you lately, Autumn? You're so quiet..." Lisa said, sitting a chair across from me in my messy bedroom, playing with her hair.
It had been two months since "the incident", one month since I found out I was pregnant. I still hadn't told anybody, and at that point, had no intention to.
"I dunno. I'm just tired..." I shrugged, laying on my bed staring at the ceiling. The walls were lined with pictures of Lisa, Alex and I from years back, up to the present. I stared at one picture, of just Alex and I sticking our tongues out at the camera. He was adorable, yes. I always knew that... but he was my friend. I'd never seen him as anything more than that.
Well, not until that night.
"Mmhm, sure." Lisa snorted, looking around my room. "Do you have a dress yet?"
I was so lost in my thoughts, it took a moment to realize she was talking to me. "Huh?"
"A dress? Homecoming?" Lisa sighed, rolling her eyes. "C'mon kid, when I was your age, I was planning this shit out months in advance. It's in a week. Are you even going?"
"Oh!" I bit down on my lip. I'd totally forgot about the Homecoming dance. Obviously, I had been planning on going... but other things had occupied my mind lately. "No, I don't."
"You aren't gonna have time to order one!" She huffed. "You'll just have to find one that fits."
"I don't know if I'm even going, Lisa..."
"What!" She sputtered. She looked shocked, and I guess I knew why. These dances were supposed to be a big deal to girls my age.
"I dunno. I don't have a date or anything..." I shrugged. "Wouldn't it be sort of... stupid and pointless?"
"No! Go with some friends! I'll get Alex to pick you up after, and drop you off at my place. Come on, Autumn. Have some fun without me for once." She grinned, nudging me, and I smiled weakly.
"Fine..."
"Excellent." She grinned. "Tomorrow, we'll go dress shopping."
I nodded, smiling at her.
"I mean, I owe you that much, right? I'll pay."
I stifled a laugh, but nodded again, a hand sliding over my stomach.
God, if only she knew...
--
After dress after dress and store after store, we finally came across one dress that both Lisa and I loved.
It was blue, ruffles lining my lower torso, lace and beading on the bodice, and a sash tied around the thinnest part of my waist, in a long, sky, bow. I stood in front of the mirror, smoothing the dress against my skin, and imagining myself dancing with...someone. I wasn't sure who yet. Someone special.
"See? I knew you'd wanna go." Lisa said, smirking.
"Yeah, yeah." I waved a dismissive hand at her, playing with my hair in front of the mirror. "You know me better than I know myself."
"Told ya so."
Although I had things way more important to worry about than some silly dance, I was still excited. I wondered what I'd do with my hair, who I'd dance with, and all the other superficial teenage girl stuff. Lisa sat there, outside the changing room of the small boutique we were in, grinning smugly.
Lisa and I were that pair of friends no one expected. No matter if I was in middle school, and she was in high school, or I was in high school, and she was out in the world by herself, we were best friends. From sandboxes to where we were now, there was nothing going to bring us down. And when she started dating Alex, he was just another addition to our group. I loved my best friends.
I didn't want anything to change. I longed, ached for it to just stay the same.
But I knew, it was far too late for that.
--
The school gymnasium was decorated to the fullest ability of a high school dance. There were ribbons hanging from the ceiling, glitter and confetti all over the floor, and smoke curling up the walls from the smoke machine positioned in the corner.
The flashing lights darting around the room were making me dizzy, and I walked closer to the area people were dancing in.
I had butterflies, and wondered what in the hell had possessed me to come to this stupid dance. I mean, I had no date, my friends were all off dancing with guys, and I was standing there.
Well, at least I had a pretty dress.
After about twenty minutes of wandering around the decked out gym, I was about ready to pull my cell phone out from the bodice of my dress, and text Lisa, telling her to get Alex to come get me now.
Just as I reached for my phone, I felt someone tap on my bare shoulder. I jumped, and turned around.
Standing there was a guy from my science class, with sandy blonde hair and green eyes. He sort of had a baby face, but it worked. He smiled shyly at me, as I tried to remember his name.
"Wanna dance or something Autumn?" He asked quietly, and I nodded, smiling.
Sure, he was no prince charming, or male model, but he was cute... and at least he asked me to dance. But for some reason all I could think of... well, Alex.
And that scared me.
The lights were flashing, and it was so hot, and I was so confused. I wasn't even thinking about dancing, I wasn't thinking about anything except how I was going to tell Alex.
How I was going to tell Lisa.
All I could think of Alex's lips on mine, looking at him through drunk eyes as if he was the most adorable thing I had ever seen.
And somehow, the room started spinning.
My hair clung to the back of my neck due to the cold sweat breaking out all over me. A bitter taste lurched into my throat, and I tore away from the cute baby-faced boy, and tore off running to the bathroom, reciting in my head "This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening."
I ran into the girl's bathroom, and to the first vacant stall, dropping to my knees. I felt the bruises immediately forming as I leaned over, emptying the contents of my stomach.
I sat on the cold bathroom floor, shivering, head still spinning. I was dizzy, and felt faint, and I wasn't sure why I was suddenly so ill. I could hear girls whispering in front of the mirrors, and I was afraid to leave.
I was just afraid of so much. This baby, this responsibility, the fling with Alex. I was scared.
And I did have a tendency to get stomach aches when anxious... or maybe, that was just the morning sickness.
I shuddered, and heard the girls leave the bathroom. I quietly washed my mouth out, and grabbed my phone, dialing in Alex's number.
"Hello?" He answered after a few rings.
"Alex, can you come get me?" I asked weakly, staring at my pale reflection in the mirror. "Now?"
"Autumn, the dance just started..."
"Alex, please. Please."
There was a pause, and then, he finally answered me. "I'll be there in ten."
"Thank you." I choked out. "Thank you Alex."
"I'll see you soon. But Autumn... are you okay?"
A smile crossed my face, and I had no idea why. "Yeah, Alex. I'm okay." I mumbled.
"If you're sure. Bye."
"Bye, Alex."
I hung up the phone, and left the bathroom. The music from the dance was a muffled series of beats from my position in the hallway. I took one last glance at the doors decorated in royal blue ribbons, before leaving the school, waiting for someone that was supposed to be my best friend's Prince Charming, despite how part of me longed for him to be mine.
It had been two months since "the incident", one month since I found out I was pregnant. I still hadn't told anybody, and at that point, had no intention to.
"I dunno. I'm just tired..." I shrugged, laying on my bed staring at the ceiling. The walls were lined with pictures of Lisa, Alex and I from years back, up to the present. I stared at one picture, of just Alex and I sticking our tongues out at the camera. He was adorable, yes. I always knew that... but he was my friend. I'd never seen him as anything more than that.
Well, not until that night.
"Mmhm, sure." Lisa snorted, looking around my room. "Do you have a dress yet?"
I was so lost in my thoughts, it took a moment to realize she was talking to me. "Huh?"
"A dress? Homecoming?" Lisa sighed, rolling her eyes. "C'mon kid, when I was your age, I was planning this shit out months in advance. It's in a week. Are you even going?"
"Oh!" I bit down on my lip. I'd totally forgot about the Homecoming dance. Obviously, I had been planning on going... but other things had occupied my mind lately. "No, I don't."
"You aren't gonna have time to order one!" She huffed. "You'll just have to find one that fits."
"I don't know if I'm even going, Lisa..."
"What!" She sputtered. She looked shocked, and I guess I knew why. These dances were supposed to be a big deal to girls my age.
"I dunno. I don't have a date or anything..." I shrugged. "Wouldn't it be sort of... stupid and pointless?"
"No! Go with some friends! I'll get Alex to pick you up after, and drop you off at my place. Come on, Autumn. Have some fun without me for once." She grinned, nudging me, and I smiled weakly.
"Fine..."
"Excellent." She grinned. "Tomorrow, we'll go dress shopping."
I nodded, smiling at her.
"I mean, I owe you that much, right? I'll pay."
I stifled a laugh, but nodded again, a hand sliding over my stomach.
God, if only she knew...
--
After dress after dress and store after store, we finally came across one dress that both Lisa and I loved.
It was blue, ruffles lining my lower torso, lace and beading on the bodice, and a sash tied around the thinnest part of my waist, in a long, sky, bow. I stood in front of the mirror, smoothing the dress against my skin, and imagining myself dancing with...someone. I wasn't sure who yet. Someone special.
"See? I knew you'd wanna go." Lisa said, smirking.
"Yeah, yeah." I waved a dismissive hand at her, playing with my hair in front of the mirror. "You know me better than I know myself."
"Told ya so."
Although I had things way more important to worry about than some silly dance, I was still excited. I wondered what I'd do with my hair, who I'd dance with, and all the other superficial teenage girl stuff. Lisa sat there, outside the changing room of the small boutique we were in, grinning smugly.
Lisa and I were that pair of friends no one expected. No matter if I was in middle school, and she was in high school, or I was in high school, and she was out in the world by herself, we were best friends. From sandboxes to where we were now, there was nothing going to bring us down. And when she started dating Alex, he was just another addition to our group. I loved my best friends.
I didn't want anything to change. I longed, ached for it to just stay the same.
But I knew, it was far too late for that.
--
The school gymnasium was decorated to the fullest ability of a high school dance. There were ribbons hanging from the ceiling, glitter and confetti all over the floor, and smoke curling up the walls from the smoke machine positioned in the corner.
The flashing lights darting around the room were making me dizzy, and I walked closer to the area people were dancing in.
I had butterflies, and wondered what in the hell had possessed me to come to this stupid dance. I mean, I had no date, my friends were all off dancing with guys, and I was standing there.
Well, at least I had a pretty dress.
After about twenty minutes of wandering around the decked out gym, I was about ready to pull my cell phone out from the bodice of my dress, and text Lisa, telling her to get Alex to come get me now.
Just as I reached for my phone, I felt someone tap on my bare shoulder. I jumped, and turned around.
Standing there was a guy from my science class, with sandy blonde hair and green eyes. He sort of had a baby face, but it worked. He smiled shyly at me, as I tried to remember his name.
"Wanna dance or something Autumn?" He asked quietly, and I nodded, smiling.
Sure, he was no prince charming, or male model, but he was cute... and at least he asked me to dance. But for some reason all I could think of... well, Alex.
And that scared me.
The lights were flashing, and it was so hot, and I was so confused. I wasn't even thinking about dancing, I wasn't thinking about anything except how I was going to tell Alex.
How I was going to tell Lisa.
All I could think of Alex's lips on mine, looking at him through drunk eyes as if he was the most adorable thing I had ever seen.
And somehow, the room started spinning.
My hair clung to the back of my neck due to the cold sweat breaking out all over me. A bitter taste lurched into my throat, and I tore away from the cute baby-faced boy, and tore off running to the bathroom, reciting in my head "This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening."
I ran into the girl's bathroom, and to the first vacant stall, dropping to my knees. I felt the bruises immediately forming as I leaned over, emptying the contents of my stomach.
I sat on the cold bathroom floor, shivering, head still spinning. I was dizzy, and felt faint, and I wasn't sure why I was suddenly so ill. I could hear girls whispering in front of the mirrors, and I was afraid to leave.
I was just afraid of so much. This baby, this responsibility, the fling with Alex. I was scared.
And I did have a tendency to get stomach aches when anxious... or maybe, that was just the morning sickness.
I shuddered, and heard the girls leave the bathroom. I quietly washed my mouth out, and grabbed my phone, dialing in Alex's number.
"Hello?" He answered after a few rings.
"Alex, can you come get me?" I asked weakly, staring at my pale reflection in the mirror. "Now?"
"Autumn, the dance just started..."
"Alex, please. Please."
There was a pause, and then, he finally answered me. "I'll be there in ten."
"Thank you." I choked out. "Thank you Alex."
"I'll see you soon. But Autumn... are you okay?"
A smile crossed my face, and I had no idea why. "Yeah, Alex. I'm okay." I mumbled.
"If you're sure. Bye."
"Bye, Alex."
I hung up the phone, and left the bathroom. The music from the dance was a muffled series of beats from my position in the hallway. I took one last glance at the doors decorated in royal blue ribbons, before leaving the school, waiting for someone that was supposed to be my best friend's Prince Charming, despite how part of me longed for him to be mine.