Silent Promises

Everything is so different here. I can feel my throat restricting, my heart pounding in my ears, my breathing becoming harsher. I bite my fingers, staring at the front of the school building, still sitting in my mum’s car, not wanting to leave.
She will not leave me until she knows I am safely inside the school, with a teacher or a kind student. She is like that, and I am glad she is, for I would be having an even worse panic attack than I am now if she weren’t. Progressively, my heart rate slowed down and so did my breathing. I could still hear them both though, so I knew my mum could.
‘Are you ready sweetheart?’ I looked at her, trying to work out if I was. Was I ready for the push and shove in-between classes with people I barely know? Was I ready for the harassment to speak? Was I ready for the people?
I nodded my head, feeling my hands shake, still biting my finger. I slowly opened the door of the car, my heart rate speeding up, not panic attack level, but not normal either.
Mum came around the car quickly and led me through the front gates of the schools, quickly into the office, bypassing students on the way. I don’t know what made me do it, but my head turned as we were walking past a boy, his beautiful emerald eyes peeking through his dark hair, staring back at me.
My heart rate increased, yet I felt a little calmer, which was really weird.
Too fast though, my panic came back and I was in front of the principal, a woman who looked kind, but strict. I was better around girls than I was boys, but then again, people in general made me nervous.
I remember a time when it wasn’t like that...I suppose things never stay the same.