Yours to Hold

"Fuck my goddamn life."
I growled under my breath as I pushed the door to the high school open and stepped in, letting it slam behind me. I so did not want to be in this hellhole today, but my mom wouldn't let me stay home since I had missed yesterday. I tried to tell her that spending the day at a children's hospital undergoing x-rays should owe me a day off, but she wasn't having it.

So, here I was, dragging myself toward my first period class with my hands jammed in the pockets of my jeans. I was continuing to growl every curse word known to man as I walked along, causing more then a few strange looks to come my way. Being a social outcast, I was more then used to it; strange looks seemed to follow me everywhere I went and I couldn't count the number of times I've heard students whispering behind my back.

It wasn't easy being in high school. It was even harder being gay while in high school.

"Zack!"
My name being called immediately snapped me from my endless string of profanity and I spun around to see Brian Haner Jr. jogging down the hallway to meet up with me. Me and Brian had been friends for as long as I could remember; he was the one that I had come out to the summer before we entered freshmen year. Instead of scaring him off, though, hearing that I was gay made us closer. He meant the world to me, and there wasn't much that I wouldn't do for him.

Brian slung an arm around my shoulders when he reached me, causing me to smile.
"Hey, Bri. I missed you yesterday."
Brian grinned and gave me a small squeeze as we started walking together.
"I missed you, too, Zee. Sorry I couldn't come, but I had a history test that my parents wouldn't let me miss."
"Seriously? Wow, thats lame," I commented, causing Brian to chuckle quietly.
"No, thats life, Zack. But, how did it go at ol' duPont? How's your back?"

I shrugged and ran my tongue over my lips before answering.
"Same as it was the last time. Its not getting any worse, but its also not getting any better. Doctor says if its any worse by the holidays, we may have to consider surgery."
Brian frowned as I finished and gave me another gentle squeeze.
"Damn. Lets hope that it starts to get a little better; the idea of you needing surgery scares me."
"Yea, I know," I mumbled, letting loose a small sigh and dropping my eyes down to the ground.

Sensing my uneasiness, Brian smiled weakly and pressed a tiny kiss on my cheek.
"Oh, Zee. You're a trooper. If you need surgery, you'll make it through, babe," he told me quietly.
"Yeah, yeah, they all say that," I grumbled, causing Brian to frown and place another kiss on my cheek.
"Oh, Zack. Its gonna be fine, babe. You may not even need surgery. There's no use worrying about something that may not even happen."

Realizing that Brian was right, I finally nodded my head.
"Yea, I guess you're right."
"Guess? No, don't you dare guess with me, ZackAttack. You know I'm right."
I bit down on my lower lip to keep from giggling as Brian used his old nickname for me; he had come up with that way back when we were in sixth grade. He knew that it always made me laugh, so he always used it when I was upset about something or mad at him.

"Okay, okay, you're right," I finally said, causing Brin to grin from ear to ear.
"You know it, Zachary," he stated, causing me to playfully roll my eyes.
"Of course, Brian. Since you're right about eeevveeerrryyyttthhhiinnngggggggg," I told him, causing him to laugh.
"Of course I am. But come on, lets get you to your first period class."

We walked the rest of the way to my first period class in silence, his arm still draped across my shoulders and my head resting against his shoulder. We had walked through the hallway in this exact position on so many occasions that no one gave ue a second glance; Brian had told me on more then one occasion that a classmate had asked him if I was his boyfriend.

I always found it amusing when Brian told me stories like that, since I knew he wasn't gay. There was a time last school year when we had tried going out for a little while, but we eventually called it off because it wasn't working for him. Which was fine, since I had a feeling it wasn't going to work out. It was Brian's idea that we try being in a relationship, no matter how many times I told him we shouldn't do it.

I have a feeling that it hit him kind of hard when it didn't work out; I think he somehow wanted it to.

"Oh! I forgot to ask you!"
Brian's voice immediately pulled me from my thoughts, causing me to bring my eyes up to him.
"Whats wrong, Bri?"
"Jimmy is planning a trip out to Field of Screams in Lancaster this Friday and he wanted to know if you'd be interested in going."

Jimmy Sullivan was Brian's best friend; the pair had met when they were in eighth grade. I didn't know the whole story, but Brian told me that the two of them got into a fight in wood shop and got kicked out of class; the pair ended up becoming best friends by the end of the afternoon. The first time that he introduced me to Jimmy, he had picked me up and hugged me so tight that I swear my eyes were bugging out.

Jimmy was by far the most amazing person I knew; even if he constantly gets into trouble in school, all of the teachers love him to death. Jimmy is also the kind of person that isn't afraid to show his friends how much he cares about them. He's not afraid to come up to someone and give them a bear hug and a huge kiss on the cheek. When I had to wear a brace in freshmen year for my back, Jimmy tried to convince the doctors at duPont to make him one so I wouldn't be suffering alone.

"Man, that would be awesome. Who all is going?"
"Lets see. Jimmy, me, Johnny, Matt, and Val."
My heart came to a standstill as I heard Matt's name leave his mouth.
"Matt?" I squeaked, causing Bian to grin and clap a hand to my shoulder.
"Yep. Matt is coming. Who knows, maybe you can cling to him," he joked, causing me to scowl.

"Brian, thats not funny."
"Its not funny, but it would be adorable," Brian told me, causing my scowl to grow.
"Brian?"
"Yea?"
"Shut the fuck up and go to class."
Brian laughed a bit and held up his hands. "Okay, okay. I'm off. I'll see you fourth period, ZackAttack."

Despite my annoyance from his earlier comments about Matt, a smile made its way onto my face as he used that nickname again. I quickly leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek before heading into my classroom, heading over to my desk and dropping my messenger bag on the floor. I grunted a bit as I slumped down in my seat before immediately bringing my eyes to the door, licking my lips as I anxiously gazed at it.

Two or three minutes later, Matthew Sanders sauntered into the classroom. His backback was hanging over one shoulder and his hands were jammed into the kangaroo pocket of his Metallica zip-up hoodie. I felt butterflies attacking my insides as he dropped his backback and took his seat in the desk next to me. It was just my fucking luck that he was seated RIGHT next to me.

I couldn't take my eyes off Matt as he lifted up a hand and ran it through his dark hair. God, he was the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He was tall and muscular with gauged ears and hazel eyes that looked as green as mine at times. He also happened to possess the most perfect pair of lips I've ever seen on someone; I had caught myself daydreaming about kissing those lips more then once during class.

Matt had been one of Brian and Jimmy's friends since ninth grade, although the two of us barely knew each other. The fact that we were barely acquaintances didn't change the fact that I had been crushing on Matt since ninth grade. Well, no, according to Jimmy, if a crush lasts more then four months that means that you're in love with the person. I didn't know how it was possible to be in love with someone you barely knew, but Jimmy swears I'm in love with Matt.

"Why the hell are you staring at me, Baker?"
Matt's mocking voice made me realize that I was still staring at him. I immediately bit down on my lower lip and averted my gaze, hearing a few of our classmates snickering. Feeling my cheeks heat up viciously, I bit down on my lip harder and stared down at my lap. After a few seconds, I peeked at Matt to find him talking and laughing with the guy behind him.

Feeling on the verge of tears, I scowled viciously as I mentally cursed myself out for staring at Matt. It was just my fucking luck that I had a crush on a dude that found me to be the laughingstock of our class.

Fuck my goddamn life.