The Butterfly Effect

I lay on my bed playing with the ends of my pillow like Leon, except she was too busy asleep. Lazy cat. But that’s what cats do; sleep, just like I started to cry; just like humans do; all parts of life. How could someone do that? I mean; I would’ve understood if he just told me, he could’ve called me, something! But he didn’t.

A knock on my door startled me, “Autumn, are you sleeping?”

“No, I'm pretending to die,” I muttered into the pillow.

She walked in, seeing me draped on my bed brought her usual concern face, “whose ass do I have to kick now?”

I waved at the air, “no one, don’t bother, he’s not worth it.”

“You got your heart broken already? I’ll kill that son of a bitch.”

“No one broke my heart, I'm just mad.”

“Mad or hurt.”

“No difference.”

She sighed, sitting on the corner of my bed, “By?”

“A person.”

“Who is?”

“Human?”

“Autumn, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“You want to know what’s wrong? You really want to know?” My voice grew.

“That’s all I'm asking.” Her voice soothed.

“Some people like to move away and pop up six fucking years later. Then the like to meet me, know who I am, but not say a freaking thing until they take me to a bakery where his mom works and then oh dear, suddenly realize that it’s me. That person likes to ruin my life!”

“Autumn!” She pointed at my hands; they were on fire.

“Oh my god!” We ran into my bathroom and I dipped my hands under the running water in the sink. We stared at each other, sudden realization in our faces. That was how we lost Adam.

We walked back to my room; I sat on the floor with Leon on my lap. “Is the guy Xavier?”

I turned to her, “did you know too?”

“Well I thought about it for a while, I mean, it was always you two together, but when I did see him—I don’t know, I just had a feeling it was him.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” I said in a harsh whisper. “Did the whole world know except me?”
She nodded.

“Am I that naïve?”

“No.” I looked at her, “Yeah.”

“I started to think it was him, same name, same facial structure, even the same last name should’ve thrown me in the right direction. Am I wrong for being mad at him?”

“Depends. Why is it exactly that you’re mad at him?”

“Because, he just left out of nowhere. We promised each other if anything happened, we’d find some way to say we’re okay. He broke that promise. I would’ve understood.”

“Would you?”

I shut my eyes, “After a million years, but yeah, eventually.”

“Then talk to him.”

I shook my head.

“Autumn.”

I continued to shake my head.

She started to get up, patting Leon’s head, “run if you want to, but you know it’s not going to solve anything.”

She left.

I groaned. Ugh, I hate it when she’s right. I guess that’s why she’s the older sister.

I jumped off the balcony and made it to the forest behind our house. I loved it, despite the murmur of killers
and other horror inflicted stories. It was beautiful, and it was the only way I could be discrete—without destroying my house.

I do need to talk to him, I know it, and I will, I promise…someday. I lay back down on the floor after drying the ground with my still overly warm hands. I'm trying not letting the anger get to me, not like Adam, God rest his soul. Sitting up, I stared forward, playing with my newest trick, making multiple fireballs. I made them parade in a circle, following the movements my fingers would make.

Crunching leaves came from behind me; they were louder than Adelyne’s so it couldn’t be her. I extinguished the fireballs and dipped my hand in damp earth. I refused to turn around.
“You know you can’t stay mad at me forever, you never could.” The playful tone pushes at my emotions.
I stared at my hand; smoke emerged. I push it deeper until I can reach an area that saturates my palm.
“You’re not helping your case by being egotistic.”

“You know, I missed you for keeping me down to earth. I got so cocky since I left.”
The words pinched my heart. He sat down in front of me, with his legs stretched out. I pulled mine into my chest.

“That’s what you want to know, isn’t it. Why I left?”

I just looked down at the ground. I could feel my heart peeling away from itself, leaving only its weak and defenseless interior.

“Will you ever talk to me? Like we used to? During the sleepovers or the campouts in the backyard or the journey to the river?”

I shrugged. Right now, I don’t know what will become of our relationship, if one even exists. Need to tighten this chapter up—great moments—develop character.

“Please talk to me?”

What I did surprised us both. I jumped out from my comfort zone and hugged him, tight. He wrapped his arms around me as well, pulling each other so close I could feel his heart beat against my chest. He rest his head on my shoulders. I missed what it felt like to be in his arms every day; every time I’d be picked on or bullied, he was like an older brother to me, the teddy bear in my embrace when I fell asleep, finally back in my arms.

“I missed you.” I whispered into his shoulder.

We stared at each other. “Why did you go? Why did you just leave me? I thought you were just leaving for a little vacation before my birthday. Why couldn’t you at least call?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, “my dad, I don’t know what happened, I came home from school, things were broken everywhere, and I only found my mom who was shoving things into the car. She said we were leaving, right now. I asked if I could say bye, but she wouldn’t let me, she was too scared that my dad would come back. So we left. We moved with my aunt Veronica, and then we came out here when I turned fourteen. I’ve spent the last two years here. Then I heard we were getting new neighbors, my mom and her boyfriend had dinner with your family on the night I was attacked. When I first saw you, I didn’t think it was you, I knew you still looked the same, but it was hard to believe. And when you said you were from Oregon and your last name, I knew it was you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me it was you?”

He trailed his fingers on the ground, “Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe I was hoping you’d say it first. It just happened Raine.”

Hearing that name stung.

“Would you ever forgive me?”

Could I? Was I capable of putting everything behind us? To just go on with our lives and maybe be best friends again? Would it be selfish to forgive him? Or the opposite?

“Suckerpunch.” I hit his arm. That was our version of saying yes, always, or of course. It was to help keep the mood light and not too serious. I missed our little insiders.

“Aww, I so owe you Raine!” He pulled me into another hug, except this one involved the ruining of my hair. “So I don’t even know how long it’s been, how’s your life been? Was it super crazy amazing!?” The

Cheshire smile paved onto his face made me smile.

I laughed, yes; I actually laughed my dorky snorting laugh aloud.

“I missed your laugh, it always made things funnier.”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Well you know about the turtle bit, I just stayed in Oregon since then, and I moved…last Friday. My mom finally got the promotion she’d secretly wanted for so long. And now we’re here. Adelyne, my mom and dad, me, and Leon.”

“Leon? Who’s Leon? And what happened to Adam?”

I stared down at the ground, “Leon’s my cat. Adam, he had an incident with fire, that’s all I really know.” Images flooded my thoughts; he lay there on his bed, peaceful as could be. But just as I was about to leave, he started screaming uncontrollably. I rushed to him, shaking him, begging and pleading that he wake.
Then fire spread all over his body.

Droplets crowded my sight.

“Oh, how old?”

“Eight, on my birthday.”

He wrapped his arms around me, “I'm sorry.”

He sat behind me and I lay back on him, he played with my hair. “You know the night we left, my mom stopped when she was calling my aunt and I lay down on the ceiling of the car staring up at the stars, I kept thinking of the last night we camped out in my backyard. I was barely thirteen and I thought I was so cool. So I went into the forest part of my yard and I heard a noise.” I was already laughing, “And it turned out being a skunk and I came back and I had to sit in a kiddy pool in nothing but tomato sauce for three days straight.
I was cracking up so hard my breathing rushed. I looked up, his mad face made me laugh so much harder that I rolled out of his grasp and I was bent forward. My laughs became silent and I stayed there, crouched over and clapping like a retarded seal with my occasional snort.

He smiled down at me and I replied with the same. He wrapped his arms around me, I wasn’t collapsing internally anymore; his arms were the walls that’d kept me stable. He’s my base.

I leaned back into his arms and I felt his heartbeat behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and he lay down on the ground. “The floor was wet, wasn’t it?” I nodded. We both laughed and continued to talk about the little memories we had when we were younger.

The sun starts morphs into twilight; little peaking lights through leaves and crevices bring about a forest that grows ominously dark very quickly. We rise up and I help him brush off the ground from his hair and back.

“Aren’t you scared to be out here?” He shakes his hair like a dog, sending leaf bits dwindling down.

“Don’t you know me at all Xavier?”

He nodded, “you’re still not scared of anything?”

“I'm scared, just not of forests at night.”

“You’re definitely the weirdest girl I’ve ever known.”

I curtsied, “thank you.”

We laughed and walked through the trees. I watched the moon rise; it’s three-quarters of its usual size. It would be again, soon, and I’d need to hide. He walked me home, “You can come over whenever you want,” I walked him to the back, “just climb the tree into my balcony and knock four times, just like old times.”

He smiled and we pulled into another quick hug, “see you tomorrow?” He called after me. I climbed and leaped in the tree, “for sure.” Up on my balcony, I watched his figure disappear into the side and to somewhere he calls home. I dance into my room with my eyes shut and my heart riveting. I open my eyes to find a pair of glowing green eyes caused me to lose my balance.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

She smiled and turned on the light, “No, but that sounds interesting. You came in dancing, I'm guessing tonight went well?”

I shut my lips and undressed. I danced over to my closet and pulled out my pajamas.

“You’re not going to tell me? Ooh, I'm so going to get that out of you!”

My eyes widened and I ran out of my room and down the stairs to the fridge where I held a dozen of eggs in my hands, ready to fire.

“Fine, I won’t get you back, but I want the story.”

“Fine, but you’re making hot chocolate.”

She nodded.