Behind My Green Eyes

I stared out the little window by the sink as I washed the dishes. My mind went back to school; he tripped me right in the middle of class when I was headed to the front of class. I really wish he wasn’t so immature, so I was the first one who denied him. I can’t believe he’s really that desperate to show me up. Wow am I glad I said no to him.

CRASH!

The sound pulled me back, the cup I was holding in my hand fell back in the sink, but the water was so sudsy I couldn’t really tell where it was. I dipped my hands back into the sink. “Ouch!” slipped out of my mouth as I watched the sink water turn a murky red. I pulled my hand out and held the cut on my palm. If I would’ve cut myself any lower I would’ve hit my veins. I turned around and pulled out the first aid kit. I don’t know if I needed stitches, it’s not like my dad would take me. I grabbed a napkin and dried the blood around the wound; it still left trails of blood going in between my fingers. I grabbed a white bandage and wrapped it around the wound and my thumb. I don’t know how long that’s gonna hold up. I walked back to the dishes, only washing with my right hand. I reached in and pulled out a plate, the smell of copper was getting to be too much, I was blacking out and the plate crashed on the ground.

“What the hell is your problem!” My dad’s voice bounced off the wall, I shrunk down in my shoulders.

“I—I'm sorry, it was an accident.” I bent down and picked up the slivers of glass. A whimper left my lips
when he kicked my ribs.

“This is all your fucking fault! We can barely afford to pay the bills and you’re fat ass is eating and breaking dishes like you’re the queen of England! You stupid bitch!” I fell forward on my knees and palms; the blood was seeping through the bandage and making a puddle around my hand. He continued to hit me, but I
wouldn’t let him win. I didn’t give him the satisfaction of my screams.

“Luna, what the hell did you—Luna!” Nikki was in the doorway with Andy behind her. Her hands covered her mouth in shock and her eyes were full of terror.

“Go up stairs. Take Andy, go up stairs, and lock your door!” I managed before he kicked me in the jaw and I groaned.

“But Luna—”

“I said go!” She grabbed Andy by the shoulders and ran back into the living room. I was kicked onto the floor.

“Who do you think you are! I'm the boss here!” He kicked me three times in the side and one more in the face before he walked away and slammed the door so hard it shook the rest of the apartment. I rolled on to my back and took a moment to breathe. My face scrunched up and I clenched my teeth trying to hold myself together. I took a deep breath and stood up. I couldn’t move my mouth, any part of it, and I could feel it swell like there was a bee colony growing inside my cheek.

I picked up the broken glass and threw it in the trashcan, throwing a rag on the ground to clean up the mess. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I turned around, Nikki and Andy were creeping down.
“Is he gone Luna?” I shook my head up and down, but even that movement made me want to scream.
They ran down the stairs and grabbed my waist, I whimpered from the pain of my left ribs. “Luna are you
okay?”

I put on a brave face and nodded. I clenched my fists as I opened my mouth, “just go upstairs and sleep already.”

“But it’s only eight Luna.”

“Then shower or something. Just go to sleep please,” I pleaded through my teeth. They nodded and she walked back upstairs. Andy stayed in the same spot and looked up to me with big brown eyes. I bent down to reach his height. He threw his arms around my neck and kissed my nose. I half smiled. “Go to sleep mister.”

I watched his little feet run back up stairs with one shoe of the pair I’d bought him.

I finished the rest of the dishes and grabbed a bag of ice before I headed up stairs. Andy was sitting outside of his room with his pajamas in a ball beside him. I sighed and walked up to him.

“What’s wrong little ranger?” With the pain pills I had taken, the feeling of thorns shanked into my cheek wallowed away.

“There’s a monster in my room.”

I reached down to grab his pajamas and pushed the door open; he hid behind my leg. “I don’t see anything.”

A little finger pointed to something in the corner. I was too tired to convince him that there was nothing hiding in any part of his room. “Do you wanna sleep with me tonight?”

He immediately started nodding his head, “Okay, but you have to put on your pajamas.” He took the pajamas out of my hand and ran to my room.

Looking in the bathroom mirror my cheek was blown up like a water balloon and was purple by my ear. I reached down and pulled my shirt up, three yellowing blotches to the side of my left breast. It was like burning yourself with hot water only it ached more than stung. I dropped my shirt down and walked back into my room. Andy was pushed to the far corner of my bed curled up with Cyclops my gray and black tabby. I sat on my computer desk, pulling out my homework and a book light to keep Andy asleep.

After an essay draft, a chapter of history, and forty problems of trigonometry, I shut away all my books and changed into my black and purple sleeping shirt. I sat by the window, this is around the time I’d creep out of my room and climb the ladder all the way until I got to the roof. I spend most of my nights out there, just watching over the city, and it’s quiet.

No more voices or faces that blend together. No more of anything. And sometimes, if I’m lucky enough, my mind is quiet. It’s only for a few minutes at longest, but that’s as best as I can do.
Not tonight though, I didn’t want to wake Andy. He doesn’t deserve to suffer, not him, not Nichole. I'm responsible.

I lay down on the mountain collection of pillows by the window, just staring out into the stars of the night.
I don’t know when my dad will be coming back, if he’ll be coming back. He’s had a drinking problem since he was 16, and with my mom dying this year, it’s obvious he’d turn to that compared to anything else. But today’s the first time he hit me. Usually he’d just eat the dinner I made and walk out, coming back at night drunk. I used to worry about him, that he’d be arrested, or worse, die in a car accident because of his reckless decisions. When it got to the point of screaming at me, and once at Nikki, regardless of how much she doesn’t believe it herself, I let go of that worry. I don’t want him to die, I don’t play God, but if he did die because he was stupid, there is nothing I could say about it, if I would decide to say anything.