Don't Give Up On Us

I told Jordan I'd have to think about going on tour with him. The tour was a couple weeks from now and two months is a long time to be away from home. I wanted to discuss it with Garrett, John and Kennedy but Garrett and I still weren't on speaking terms and neither was Garrett and Kennedy for that matter. This household has been very intense.

John has been locked in his room for days. Whenever I pass by, I hear paper being crumbled and guitars being strummed. It's a whole mess and I'm supposed to leave them that way? Things need to be sorted out first.

I sat at the empty dining table that used to be filled with silly stories and laughter but is now filled with the sound of my fork hitting the hard plate. As I heard the ticking of the clock and the sound of my crunching, I knew things needed to change and in order for that to happen I had to stay here and not go on tour. I guess I made my decision.

I took my phone out to tell Jordan that he was going without me when a loud bang coming from upstairs caused me to jump. I put my phone in my front pocket and headed where the noise was. The banging continued and I followed the sound. I opened the door and saw John assaulting his acoustic guitar. I ran to him and stopped him, trying to take the guitar away but he wouldn't let go.

"What the hell is wrong?!" I asked, my voice suddenly frantic.

"I can't do this!"

"Do what?!"

"These dicks never want to talk and I'm trying, Valarie, I promise you I'm trying my best not to give up but-"

"But nothing. You're not allowed to quit. John, things will get better, please remember that before you do anything drastic."

He loosened his grip on the guitar and I set it down on the corner. The look on his face, as if he were trying to stop the tears from forming, made me see him from a whole new view point.

"John," I began. I didn't know what I was going to say, but whatever it was felt like its been bottled up for ages. "What you said to me yesterday really got to me. For the years that I've known you, you've never liked to show your actual emotions, but you did it in front of me. For a while I've tried to figure out why you didn't hide from me when I saw you, but all I could think of for an answer was that you really do love me like you say you do. This whole time I've been hating myself not you. I tried to ignore my feelings towards you and things just got worse to the point where it just exploded that night. I know it's not fully your fault, it's mine as well. I'm sorry for making you feel even more miserable. I guess I should just face the fact that I've never stopped loving you, and I never will."

John just stared at me.

I sighed. "Jordan asked me to go on tour with him."

After a while of him being silent he finally responded with, "And?"

I looked at him. "What?"

"What was your answer?"

"I don't know."

He ruffled his hair a bit. "When is it?"

"In the fall."

He scoffed. "Isn't that something." He mumbled.

"I don't have to go-"

"You should go with him." John said as he looked down and pushed his hair back with his fingers.

"Why?"

"He's your boyfriend, right? You're happy with him, right? You don't give a shit about anyone else's feelings but your own. Right?"

"Excuse me? I care about everyone's feelings."

"So you say you love me," He began as he put his hands in his pockets. "How are your feelings toward Jordan now?"

"My feelings?"

"Be honest, Valarie."

"I...still like him." I admitted.

He smiled as he looked down, licking his lips. "I've been through hell and back because of you. You think just because you 'had a realization' and poured your damn heart out to me automatically means that I'm just going to whisk you off your feet and into the sunset? You had me feeling all kinds of things, Valarie. Jealousy, anger and frustration, sadness, love..." He swallowed and kicked an empty beer can that was on the floor.

"I don't expect anything," I responded.

He chuckled as if I told a joke.

I looked into his blank eyes. "So you want me to go?"

"As soon as fall comes,"

That stung.

I looked at John with the most composed expression I could conjure up. "So you think I'm selfish towards other people's feelings? Why do you think I told you about the tour? I wanted to see what you'd say. If you told me to stay I would've stayed. I know you want me to stay, but you're being a douche bag and won't admit it,"

He looked down and began playing with the beer can that he just kicked with his foot.

"John,"

He continued playing.

"You know what?" I took out my phone and called Jordan, putting it on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Jordan?" I eyed John. "Yeah I just called to tell you that I'm going on tour with you."

"Really? Great!"

"Yeah I'm excited! Not long now until I hit the road with ya!"

"I know! Ah, I have to go, Val, my mom needs me to buy some things for her."

"Oh okay, tell Cindy I said hello."

"Sure thing, bye babe."

I looked at John as I pressed end. For a quick second there was hurt in his eyes.

"See you in two months." I said coldly as I left, slamming the door shut behind me.