End of the Line

The west-bound train from Jamaica is crowded for a Wednesday night. But Alex doesn’t mind at all. It’s not his train – he’s using it just like the rest of them. Different reasons, perhaps. Different destinations. But still, using it all the same. It’s not too crowded that he can’t put his feet up on the seat across from him however and that’s definitely something to be happy about.

He slides down in the cushioned seat, eyes closing as he takes it all in. There’s a baby crying at the other end of the train car. Some man is coughing from his seat a few rows ahead. Some girl keeps tapping her hands on her knees across the aisle - probably nervous about something. Maybe she’s on her way back home from school on fall break, anxious to see the ones she’s been missing. It’s a decent guess, Alex decides. He has a feeling that he’s right.

He does this a lot. He gets out of school at three and by the time he’s gathered enough money for a round-trip ticket and managed to get rid of his friends and parents, he’s at the train station in Jamaica and it’s nearly six. The neighborhood’s sketchy – he’ll admit it. But he wants to be on the train for the longest amount of time without having to transfer and well…Jamaica’s the only way to go. So he buys his round-trip ticket to Montauk, the farthest he can go, and hopes that one day after graduation, maybe he’ll have the courage to buy a one-way.

Nobody understands Alex’s obsession with taking the train to the end of the island. There’s nothing for him there, as far as they know. Just expensive houses and shops and beaches. And in October, most of those shops and beaches are closed. But they don’t understand. Alex does it so he can get away from it all. School. Work. Family. Friends. They’re all more stressful than Alex can handle sometimes. So he leaves. A temporary solution to what seems like a permanent problem.

It’s not that his friends and family are problems, per se. But sometimes they can get suffocating. Between his parents asking him about his final college decision and his friends bothering him about that boy, he can’t seem to catch a break. So he creates his own. And he doesn’t care if nobody understands. Okay, so maybe one person understands. But he’s kind of the reason that Alex finds himself under so much pressure. So Alex is going to forget about him – for now.

It’s a three hour ride out to Montauk and Alex spends it with his eyes closed, head resting against the window and just listening. It’s calming, knowing that you’re alone, but yet not at the same time. He doesn’t know these people and they don’t know him, but for some reason he just feels comfortable.

When the train pulls into the Montauk train station, it’s nearly ten o’clock and he’s the only person left in his car. He exits the train and turns to the left instinctively, heading for the stairs that will lead him to the streets. There are a few other people – familiar people that he sees every time he does this. But they don’t give him a second glance and just keep walking towards the car parking lot, anxious to get home and sleep.

That’s a problem with this place, Alex realizes as he’s walking along the sidewalk. It’s so far from everything. He’d have to find a job out here or something. Three hour train rides into the city are definitely not something he would want to do. However, he’s sure if it came down to it and he absolutely had to, he would. But of course, he really shouldn’t be thinking about this now. He’s supposed to be picking a college and a major and not thinking about moving to the middle of nowhere.

He can hear the ocean already as he walks, hands in his pockets and hood up over his head. His hands are clutching his cell phone in his pocket and he can feel it vibrating already. They’re looking for him.

But suddenly, the ocean isn’t the only thing that Alex can hear. He hears footsteps. Behind him. And that? Well. That’s definitely something new.

He spins around, pulling his phone out of his pocket, expecting to see some suspicious looking person – or even a group of people – following closely behind him. But instead he finds someone much more familiar and safer than a strange group of people.

“Matt,” He says softly, gripping his phone tighter. “What are you doing?” He could have sworn he had been successful in avoiding him. But clearly not.

Matthew Flyzik smiles – a shy, unsure one, but a smile all the same – and shrugs his shoulders. His fingers play with his train ticket, fraying the edges as he says, “I followed you. I wanted to know where you go all the time when you’re ignoring me.”

Alex sighs, the guilt suddenly sinking in, “I’m not ignoring you-”

“You’re just taking the train to the end of the island at ten o’clock at night and not responding to all texts and calls,” Matt interrupts, a knowing look on his face. “You know how much I worry about you. You could at least tell me where you’re going and that you don’t want me to come. You know I’d understand.”

And maybe he would have, Alex realizes. He probably would have understood and let Alex go on his way without a single question. He knows Alex better than the rest of them - he is his boyfriend, after all. “I’m sorry,” he says, shoulders slumping. “I didn’t think.”

Matt doesn’t say another word about it. He simply steps forward and slips his hand into Alex’s, linking their fingers and smiling at him. He tugs at him, pulling him down the sidewalk in the original direction Alex had been walking.

With Matt’s hand in his, Alex feels warm and wanted and understood. Finally, for the first time in a long time, he’s not going to worry about how to explain this. Because Matt doesn’t seem to want answers. Just assurance that Alex is okay. And he is. For the most part.

The beaches are closed, but they aren’t guarded and it’s easy to sneak underneath the ropes that block the entrances off. They both take their shoes off, carrying them in their hands as they walk towards the ocean, Alex following closely behind Matt. He’s not exactly used to being here with someone else, but he knows that he could get used to Matt. Easily.

“So,” Matt finally says after they sit down in the sand, a good amount of distance from the water so that they don’t get wet. “Is this where we’re coming after we graduate?”

The heaviness that Alex has been feeling – the weight he’s been carrying around on his shoulders and in his heart – it’s suddenly gone. As if it was never there in the first place. He grins as he leans into Matt all the way, wrapping both arms around his waist. He suddenly doesn’t feel the need to be alone anymore.