So Small

I make my way through the rough patches of grass on a humid, Sunday morning. I stop and try to catch my breath. I bend at my knees and run a hand through my wet, sweaty hair. As I try to get my breathing under control I examine my running shoes. I usually run to workout, but that hasn’t been the case for the last week or so.

No. I’m not going to think about it. I’m not. I’m fine, perfectly fine….

I turn up the volume on my ipod nano and start running once more, but I cant help paying close attention to the lyrics that is playing.

“What you got if you ain’t got love
The kind that you just want to give away
Its okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know its hard on a rainy day
You want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don’t run out on your faith”

The fights we’ve had, are they really worth this fuss I wonder? Yes they are, I say under my breath, trying to convince myself. But deep inside, I feel something picking at my stomach telling me the opposite.

I force myself to keep running. The day isn’t in my favor at all either. I can feel the sweat rushing down my face, hot and quick. I know I should take a long break, or stop for the day, but I cant. I just cant.

All the things we’ve been through. We’ve been through all the bad, and all the good. We share laughs everyone else thinks as useless. We share thoughts that others wouldn’t make sense of. We’re different then others. I know we are.

“ ‘Cause sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
It just a grain of sand(Is just a grain of sand)
What you’ve been up there searching for
Forever
Is in your hands(Is in your hands)
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem so small”

All these complications we are going through, are they all worth this much trouble and hurt? We know one another. Yes we both have difference, but that’s what attracted us together to begin with. But lately, I’m not so sure. We fight. Constantly. The thing is, are they really worth putting them between us?

I look around me as I run. I see trees that are blurs. I see the ground racing under my feet. I feel the wind on my face, fierce and angry. I hear the birds above me in the sky chirping.

I stop.

“Its so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
Its like a river that’s so wide
It swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you cant change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Times flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you cant get it back”

I stand on the cliff and look down. I see this world looking back up at me. As I breath in and out deeply, I know what I’ve done is a mistake. She’s what I’ve been looking for. Not just her, but the way she makes me feel inside. The way no one has before. I close my eyes and think about all the fights that we had and are going through. I think about all the arguments we had. I think about the times when I’m not with her how lonely I really feel.

My eyes shoot open and the world around me no longer looks huge or enormous. But inside I feel what is huge and enormous. I turn around and race back the way I came from.

“ ‘Cause sometimes that mountain youv been climbing
Its just a grain of sand(Is just a grain of sand)
What you’ve been up there searching for
Forever
Is in your hands(Is in your hands)
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem so small”

I slowly come to a stop once I see her a few feet away from me. Just at the sight of her makes my heart feels warm and complete. She’s the one. All the problems we’ve had, don’t mean anything anymore. All that matters right now are these moment.

I watch the way the wind slowly blows her hair and becomes messy. I watch the way she tilts her head to one side gracefully as if were her six sense. I watch as her eyes sparkle when she looks down at the water right under her feet.

I make my way to her and see her eyes slightly widen at my approach. I take a seat next to her and open my arms. Without thinking, she leans in and rests her head against my chest.

“I’m sorry.” She says as she pulls away and looks into my face.

“I am also.” I reply and rest my forehead against hers softly.

She looks at me and opens her mouth, but decides against it. I know what she wants to say, and she knows it, because those are the three words my eyes are spelling to her also.

“And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem so small”