That Should Be Me

It was extremely difficult not to just hold her, kiss her, anything!

I don't know what happened, I don't know what was going through my mind, why the fuck would I date, Selena!?

Two weeks into this..new life, and I felt like I was dying. 

This pain, it hurt everything. My chest, my mind, it made my body hurt.

I think I was slipping into depression

"Justin?" Ellie called.

I was in my room, moping like a baby.

She popped her head into the door, and I saw her beautiful face scrunch up in confusion.

I mumbled something incoherent.

"Justin, are you okay? It's three and you haven't been out all day."

"Uh–I'm not feeling too well." I lied, and sniffed for dramatic effect.

"Awe! You poor thing, I'm going to make you some soup and I'll be your nurse!" She smiled, innocently.

I chuckled, "You're too good to me."

I didn't want to seem to desperate, but there was absolutely no way I was going to pass up a chance to spend one–on–one time with her.

I quickly got up, peed, brushed my teeth and put on deodorant. I showered last night, so I didn't smell.

I didn't bother with a shirt, but then again, I never do.

I got back in my bed, and sat up trying to find something on tv to watch.

I heard someone coming up the stairs and not three seconds later, Ellie came in carrying a silver tray.

I actually laughed, on the tray was soup, there was what I'm assuming hot tea in a mug steaming, a couple napkins, and she actually put a vase with two flowers in it. Purple and white.

"You don't have to tell me, I already know how amazing I am." She laughed.

"You truly are."

I took a picture with my phone, and uploaded the picture to twitter and instagram.

@justinbieber: Not feeling so well, Ellie's being my nurse. See what she made me? :) 

The link was on there.

"Awwwe, you're gonna make me blush." She giggled.

I ended up sharing the soup with Ellie, though that was obvious.

We always used to share food...

"Are you free today?" I asked.

She looked over at me with a half amused, half confused expression. "Yeah, why?"

Shit. "Well, I was going to see if you just wanted to watch movies with me. I miss you, Ells, and I miss our best friend time."

She beamed, "What movies do you have, Bieber?"

I laughed, my song, Stuck In The Moment was running through my head.



"So you really can't remember how we ended up here?" She asked.

I shook my head, "No. I have no recollection, whatsoever."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Like tour?"

"That's so weird."

"Care to refresh my memory?" I chuckled.

"Well, do you remember when you surprised me by taking me to meet Nick?"

"I do." Everything is always my fault. I'm such a screw up!

"Do you remember when him and I started dating?" I remember when you went on your first date..everything after that is blurry." Not completely a lie, I don't know what different happened.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend at the end of the fourth date, super fast, but I always looked up to him growing up, and I mean come on, how many opportunities does a girl get to date a super adorable celebrity?" She giggled.

If she only knew..

"So anyways, we got into that fight around my birthday, do you remember that?"

"Because you didn't want to go on tour with him?"

She smiled, "Yeah, you're remembering!"

I rolled my eyes, "Go on." I smirked.

"Well the next day we went to Selena's recording place." 

I nodded, "I remember up to that point, when we got there."

"I didn't even want to go. I remember how you begged me, and you gave me the puppy dog face. I'm still a sucker for that look." She sighed, smiling sadly.

I was going to ask what was wrong, but I didn't get a chance.

"Then, uh-" She took a deep breath, "We got there, and the receptionist told us to go back there. We walked into the recording room, and Selena was in the booth, Nick was sitting on the couch, watching the door."

What? Okay, this is what happened.

"He gave me an apologetic smile, Selena came out smiling at you, and you two went on your walk." She chuckled, "It took me a long time to like that girl. She's still a little sketchy to me."

There's my Ellie.

"Nick came up to me, asked if him and I could talk. I skeptically agreed. I asked him what he was doing there, I mean I'm still not sure he told me the true story on that. It seemed..to rehearsed. But he said he asked Selena when the next time you would be with her, because every where you went, I went. She explained how you two were supposed to be going for that walk, so he rushed down there."

She shook her head, "He blamed it on his diabetes. And he was so persistent, that I eventually caved and gave him a second chance." I saw something in her eyes, I knew her well enough to know it was regret.

"Ellie, you can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?"

She smiled a small smile, "I know. I'm fine, but I have been wondering something and I haven't really got a chance to ask you."

"Go ahead," I waited.

"What made you start dating Selena? I mean, you seemed so disgusted by her...." She trailed off.

"Believe me, I'm trying to figure that out myself. I woke up feeling that way."

My phone rang.

Justin, Pattie.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Scooter set up a small picnic thing, it's only going to me like me, him, and Mama Jan, would you and Ellie want to come?"

I looked over to Ellie, "My mom wants to know if you want to come with me to a small picnic?"

"Yeah, sure. I miss your mom." She smiled.

"Yeah, what time?"

"Three.

"Okay, see you then."

"Okay! Love you!"

"Love you too, momma."



We were all sitting in my mom's living room, laughing and telling stories. My mom, Scooter, and Ellie kind of got a little drunk..well, a lot of drunk.

Ellie is of legal age to drink, she's hilarious when she's drunk.

"I miss you, Justin. If you ever need to talk, remember I'm just a call away." Mama Jan hugged me before leaving.

"Miss you too, Mama, and thank you."

I sat back down, on the love seat next to Ellie, and my mom started giggling.

"What?" Ellie asked, amused and giggling a little herself.

"Oh, just a thought I had."

"Well what was it?" I asked.

"You know, I always thought you and Ellie would get together. I always thought you two were perfect for each other..." She trailed off.

My heart stopped, and I could feel myself blush. I glanced at Ellie, but she was staring at my mom grinning.

"And if I'm being honest?" She giggled, "I still think that."

"You know," Scooter slurred, "If I'm being honest, I felt the same way. You two had such a connection. It was beautiful."  

 "Back when Nick and I got in that fight, I thought that too." 

No!

I sighed, "Okay, I need to get her home. Call me soon, love you."

My mom giggled, "Okay, love you too."

"That was a very, tightly wound conversation.." 

I laughed, "How so?"

"You just seemed like you felt..awkward. Did the thought of us never cross your mind?"

I pulled into the drive way, and I whipped my head towards her, "I thought that every day of my life since the first time I made you my One Less Lonely Girl." I admitted.

"Why didn't you ever act on it?" She whispered.

"Because you didn't want to open your heart to me."

She sighed, "No, I didn't. I didn't want to fall in love with you, let alone like you. I didn't want my life to become so cliché."

I walked her upstairs and she went in my room. "Can I sleep in here tonight? I don't wanna be alone."

I nodded, "Of course."

She climbed into my bed, "Do you believe that it you're supposed to be with someone, you eventually will?"

"I believe that soul mates will always find a way to be together."

"I hope you're right, because I sure as hell cannot see myself dating Nick for much longer. He just..he doesn't get me the way I want him too. There's always been this one person who can, and I find myself comparing Nick to him..all the time."

Hope swelled in my heart, "Who?"

"Oh, that isn't important." She blushed, "Regardless, if Nick and I break up soon, don't be surprised." She laughed, humorlessly.

I sighed and sat down next to her. 

"When you imagine your future, is Selena in it?"

"No, she isn't." I gulped.

She smiled, "Night, Jay. Love you."

"I love you too, Ellie."

You know what they say, "Drunk words are sober thoughts."

So I just had to convince her to let go of Nick, I had to convince her that she should be with me.

That should be me, oh! That should be me. That should be me, holding your hand, that should be me, making you laugh, that should be..this is so sad, that should be me, that should be me...."