Remembering
Pain.
Death isn't easy to get over.
Especially when my best friend is the one who died.
I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't even after traveling more than 1000 miles for your funeral, not even after seeing you, cold and lifeless. It wasn't you at all. The tears I shed were tears of denial and disbelief. Shock.
Then one day it hit me: you were really gone.
I hated you so much for leaving me. I loved you for everything we'd been through together.
But even now, I don't know what to feel. I'm still shocked. I'm falling farther and farther back into the ever present depression I've been fighting for so long. How could you leave me like this? It's been a month and a half since you died, and everyone thinks I should be all better.
The pain is too hard to deal with. One day you're here, the next you're gone; I have nobody to talk to.
You know how I coped with things like this. The physical pain I put myself through by cutting and burning myself is a temporary fix for the emotional pain I suffer. It got worse after you died.
When hurting myself doesn't do anything to help, I've been smoking weed with Korey. I know you hate him and everything, but what disappoints you more? Hurting myself or smoking?
I'm sure they both disappoint you. I'm sorry. But at least they make me feel better. For awhile.
Especially when my best friend is the one who died.
I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't even after traveling more than 1000 miles for your funeral, not even after seeing you, cold and lifeless. It wasn't you at all. The tears I shed were tears of denial and disbelief. Shock.
Then one day it hit me: you were really gone.
I hated you so much for leaving me. I loved you for everything we'd been through together.
But even now, I don't know what to feel. I'm still shocked. I'm falling farther and farther back into the ever present depression I've been fighting for so long. How could you leave me like this? It's been a month and a half since you died, and everyone thinks I should be all better.
The pain is too hard to deal with. One day you're here, the next you're gone; I have nobody to talk to.
You know how I coped with things like this. The physical pain I put myself through by cutting and burning myself is a temporary fix for the emotional pain I suffer. It got worse after you died.
When hurting myself doesn't do anything to help, I've been smoking weed with Korey. I know you hate him and everything, but what disappoints you more? Hurting myself or smoking?
I'm sure they both disappoint you. I'm sorry. But at least they make me feel better. For awhile.
♠ ♠ ♠
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