Crossroads

-Lucy's POV-

I lay in bed with Max’s arms wrapped around me. It was early Sunday morning and it was cold outside but we were warm under the covers. Max pulled me closer to him and kissed my neck.

It had been like this every morning since I had gotten out of the hospital. They had kept me for 4 days, two of which were observation. Thankfully my friends had kept my oxy habit a secret so that it wouldn’t get out. Two days after getting out of the hospital I had flown back to Pheonix where I had moved in with Max.

It was great to have Joanna back around. I’d missed her like crazy. She and Aden were my best friends but it was nice to have someone to hang out with that wasn’t on mommy duty 24/7.

However before I had the chance to leave the hospital I had gotten a lecture from both Joanna and Aden.

*a month earlier*

“You almost died Lucy.”

“Do you have any idea how fucking scared we were?”

I looked at my friends. Their faces were pale and they had circles under their eyes from lack of sleep. I could tell they were concerned. According to them I had collapsed and stopped breathing on stage. From there I had been rushed to the hospital where they had pumped my stomach.

It was scary to say the least.

“I know. I’m sorry I put you guys through that.” I replied.

“No. It’s not about you putting us thorough it which was hell but it’s also part of the fact that you did it to yourself. Do you realize that you could’ve died?” Aden asked.

“You said that already.” I pointed out.

“Actually Joanna said it but that’s not the point. The point is did it get through your head?” Aden asked.

“Yeah. I did. I won’t do it again. I swear.” I said looking them straight in the eyes.

“Good.” they both replied and hugged me.

“Have I told you how absolutely gorgeous you are today?” Max asked.

“Mmm…I don’t think so.” I laughed.

“Well you are absolutely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” he smiled and kissed me.

“You’re just trying to get in my pants Green.” I laughed.

He shrugged, “Perhaps. If you were wearing any that is.” he smirked.

We did eventually get out of bed when our stomachs began to rumble. I pulled on a pair of Little Miss Sunshine pajamas and a pair of striped socks. Max wore a Batman t-shirt and checkered pajama pants and black socks.

He turned on the heat while I made us pancakes in the microwave. Once they were done I carried them to the living room with the syrup and butter. Sitting on the couch Max and I ate our breakfast while watching Maury where there was yet another woman who had slept with too many men and had no clue who the father of her baby was.

“I can’t believe women do that.” I said as I stuffed more pancakes in my mouth.

“Agreed.” Max nodded.

When the pancakes were gone we sat our plates aside and Max went to retrieve the second part of our meal.

Okay so I wasn’t exactly sober. Okay fine I hadn’t stopped doing drugs whatsoever. A fact I hid well from Joanna and Craig. They were so wrapped up in one another now that Leila was back at Gabby’s that they didn’t noticed the fact Max and I were both high most of the time. Besides when I had promise they I’d stop, I hadn’t promised I would quit drugs. No…I promised that I wouldn’t drink and get high again. Big difference.

Max walked back into the room but he didn’t carry the bottle of pills we usually used. Instead he carried a plastic baggy full of a yellowish white powder, his lighter, a spoon, a bandanna and two needles.

“W-What’s that?” I asked as he laid everything out on the table.

“Well it’s heroin…I wanted to know if you wanted to try it?” he asked.

I looked at the needles and heroin for a few moments.

Finally I nodded, “I trust you.” I replied.

He smiled and began to prepare everything. When it was done he turned to me.

“Ready?” he asked.

I nodded and he sat down beside me. Max tied the bandanna around my arm as tight as he could and began to feel around on my arm until he found a vein. There was a sting as he pushed the needle in.

Once he’d pushed the drug into my bloodstream I felt a head rush seconds later. I laid back on the couch, my head spinning. Max’s laughter filled my ears and I lifted my head up.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“The look on your face.” he replied and he tied the bandanna around his own arm.

“Fuck. You.” I laughed. I would’ve flipped him off but my arms felt heavy and immobile.

I watched Max inject the substance into himself but only half way. I was beginning to feel drowsy as the high began to ebb away. A few seconds later he collapsed beside me on the couch and I curled into his side.

“This feels amazing.” I smiled.

“I know. We may have to do this more often.” he replied.

“Agreed.” I nodded.

We lay on the couch, the tv droning behind us and it felt like nothing else existed but the two of us. Finally I dozed off in Max’s arms.

-Joanna’s POV-

“We just have to get this on the clip.” I said to Craig.

While Lucy was in the hospital, it was decided that she was going to be moving in with Max, so Aden, Lexi, Katie and I helped her get her stuff from California to Phoenix. Amongst packing her things, I decided to grab my punching bag and other things I left behind, including my amps and speakers along with my other guitars and my violin. As soon as I was able to, I asked Craig to help me set it up.

“There.” he said with an accomplished smile. “So you any good?” he asked.

“Is she any good?” Aden asked. “You want someone to have the shit kicked out of them you ask her. That penis jockey will be eating through a straw for the rest of his life.”

I giggled as Craig shot me a look. “Tis true. And growing up with two older brothers helped.”

“Well come on Jo, let’s show him what your made of.” Aden said.

“Only if you join me.” I replied. She smiled and we headed to my room.

I pulled out the boxing gear I got with the equipment. I pulled out a pair of gym shorts and a shirt for Aden before we got changed. Once we were ready we headed down and met up with Craig.

“Go for it Jo.” Aden said.

I walked over to the iPod dock and plugged my phone onto it. I put it on a playlist a made the night before and started off with Asylum by Disturbed.

I began pounding on the bag. Every now and then I would high five Aden, letting her give the bag a beating, then back to me.

I was feeling sweat start to drip down my neck when I saw Aden put her phone in my face, camera pointing at me. Aden rested her head on my shoulder and pointed at it making a face.

“Eat it bitch! That’s what happens when you fuck with the Shattered Halo crew!” she said before hitting the stop button.

I turned to her and laughed, “What the hell was that?”

She jumped at her phone causing Craig and I to laugh harder. “Just lettin the public know not to fuck with us.”

“Haha, alright.” I replied as she came over to show me the video. Apparently when I started pounding on the bag, Craig held the camera for her and recorded an opening statement and such, then recorded some of my pounding on the bag, then hers, and then mine again. It was hilarious.

“I’m going to send it to Lucy. What is that pig fucker doing anyway? Its almost 2 pm and she hasn’t said boo to us.” She said.

“No idea. Haven’t heard from Max either.” Craig added.

“Hmm.” I said.

“Maybe they are still sleeping. HOLY FUCK lets wake them up.” Aden said practically vibrating with excitement.

“I’m down.” I smiled.

“I call driver!” Craig said running to the front door. We ran for him laughing as we grabbed out bags on the way out.

“Alright guys, this is how its gunna go down.” Aden started before putting her hands to her lips. “You know what, we went through this whole ride and we’re sitting in front of their house and I have no fuckin idea what the plan is. Fuck it lets wing it.”

I smacked myself in the head as we got out of the car. When we got to the front door, Aden picked the lock and we walked in. “Bedroom?” I whispered. Aden nodded so we made our way there.

“Not here.” Aden said. “Living room?” we made our way to the living room.

We could hear their snores as we made our way down the hall. Smirks crossing all of our faces. We rounded the corner and screamed at the top of our lungs, however our screams were cut short when we took in the sight before us.

There were needles, a spoon, a lighter, a bandana and a bag with a yellow powdery substance on the table. Lucy was up and off the couch and staring at us in disbelief. I couldn’t bring myself to speak. My voice was gone. Thankfully Aden spoke.

“Lucy, are you fucking kidding me?!” she screamed. “You told us you were done with this shit!”

Lucy was at a loss for words as well. I felt my face turn red as I shook with anger. Max looked lost still, like he was still pretty high. I raised my hands to my hair and gripped it for a moment before releasing it. I was about to start saying something, but instead I just screamed and walked out.

I got to the car and started breathing, trying to calm myself. I turned around and saw Craig walking out in the same fashion I did, just quieter. He looked at me as if he was waiting for me to start ranting, but I didn’t. I pursed my lips and crossed my arms.

“What the hell are we going to do?!” he exclaimed. I just shook my head.

We heard Aden screaming and a moment later she emerged from their apartment dragging them by their arms. “Now TELL them what you just told me!” she demanded.

Lucy and Max looked at Craig and I like they were our children who just got caught committing murder on the family dog. But both were speechless.

“SPIT IT OUT!” I screamed waving my arms around.

“We want to get better.” She said.

“So what, you guys wanna do a rehab thing?” Craig asked.

Max nodded while Lucy looked at her feet.

“Fine. We will find a place, and whether they are ready for you or not, you two are leaving in the morning.” I spat before getting in the car.

“We’ll be back in a bit. We’re gunna be here so we can leave bright and early. Get your shit together.” Craig demanded.

I buckled my seatbelt and looked up. I saw Max rubbing Lucy shoulder. When I made contact with Lucy, I saw a tear stream down her cheek and all I could do was shake my head.

-Lucy’s POV-

“Lucy…Max….c’mon it’s time to get up.”

I cracked my eye open to see Joanna standing over me, shaking me awake. As much as I wanted to just roll back over, bury my face in Max’s chest and go to sleep, I knew she’d drag me out of bed if I didn’t. Sighing I sat up to let her know I was awake and moving.

“We’re leaving in an hour and half.” she replied as she headed towards the door.

“Seriously? It’s like…5 in the morning. Why do we need to be there at 6:30?” I asked.

“Because since they’re admitting both of you the director wants you there early to do all the paperwork and stuff. Now I’m going to go start breakfast.” Joanna said and walked out of the room.

The only bright side to rehab was that Max was going to be there with me. He’d done this before and I was thankful that he’d be here to help me out.

At first the others had resisted putting us in the same treatment center because so much of our addictions had to do with each other. However when they found one that had separate treatment areas for men and women they had opted to put us in that one. We’d see each other 5 times a day; all 3 meals, morning break and afternoon break. Along with that we’d have the same visitors so we would get to see each other then.

Climbing out of bed I let Max know I was going to get a shower and grabbed some clothes before walking out of the room. The warm water felt good on my skin and it quickly woke me up. I was enjoying my shower when there was a burst of cold air as the door slid open. A moment later Max climbed in behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his face in my wet hair.

“Morning babe.” he muttered placing a kiss on shoulder.

“Morning.” I smiled turning to kiss his cheek.

After our shower we stepped out. We dried off and started to get dressed. I pulled on a pair of gray sweatpants with the word ROCK on the leg, a matching hoodie and a pink Sinful t-shirt. Max pulled on gray sweatpants, black slip on VANS and a Motionless In White t-shirt. Once dressed we headed out to the living room.

Joanna was in the kitchen prodding at the coffee pot while Craig made pancakes. She wore a black tank top and jeans with a pair purple blue and white Osiris sneakers and a purple hoodie. Craig was in a Famous tee, jeans, converse and a black and white sweatshirt.

“You know you really don’t have to make breakfast.” I said flopping onto the pullout bed Craig and Joanna had slept on since Max and I’s apartment was closer than theirs.

“We wanted you two to get off on a good start today and there’s no better way than pancakes a la Craig.” Craig said and flipped a couple of pancakes on to two plates and brought them over, setting them on the table.

“Holy shit! You put chocolate chips in them?!? You know if we both weren’t in relationships then I would totally jump your bones right now.” I said as I grabbed my plate and dug in. Suddenly I was starving.

After we finished our pancakes it was time to leave. Max and I had packed the night before with everything we would need for the next 4 months. The four of us climbed in Craig’s Charger and headed out.

“So who did you say was going to take my place?” I asked Joanna as we drove.

“Ray said he didn’t mind coming out with us.” she replied.

“Good. He knows all the songs.” I replied happy with their choice.

The rest of the drive was pretty silent. I could already feel the urge to take something. I guess I knew that I should get used to the feeling no matter how unpleasant. It was all I’d really be feeling for the next few days.

Wordlessly Max reached over and took my hand and squeezed it. I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder.

Before I knew it we were pulling up to the rehab facility. I climbed out while Craig and Max grabbed our suitcases from the back. When we walked in there was a woman at the front desk.

“May I help you?” she asked.

“Yes Lucy Samuels and Max Green are here to check in.” Joanna said.

“Oh yes…right this way.” she smiled and grabbed two clip boards and began to walk down a hall her heels clicking against the floor. We stopped at 2 sets of doors.

“Okay Mr. Green if you will go that way Maurice will help you get settled in your room and Ms. Samuels if you’ll follow me I will take you to yours.” she said gesturing one way for Max and another way for me.

“Alright baby I love you. I’ll see you after while I guess.” I said with a small smile.

“Love you too.” he replied and took my face in his hands and gave me a lingering kiss.

I smiled and followed the woman down the hallway, Joanna with me.

“Alright this will be your room. Since we have so few patients right now so you will have a private room.” she said opening a door.

The room was decent sized with hardwood floors, dark wood furniture and large French doors leading out to a patio. The bed linens, walls and trim were all white, the curtains over the doors were a tan color and a vase of flowers sat on the dresser.

“This is nice.” I said sitting my suitcase on the bed.

“It is….I can’t believe you got a private room.” Joanna replied.

“Now if you’ll follow me I’ll take you to our clinic area to have you checked out so we can properly register you.” she replied.

I nodded and followed her.

“I think you’ll like it here. This is one of the smaller rehab centers in the Southwest but we have a more concentrated focus on our patients. Your stay here will definitely be beneficial to your health and wellness.” she said.

“Sounds like she’s quoting the brochure.” I muttered.

“She is…I read the whole thing and that was definitely in it.” Joanna said and I couldn’t help but giggle and thankfully the woman didn’t hear us.

“Alright here is the exam room. Your friend can join you if you’d like however first I’m going to have to ask you to please fill this up. The bathroom is across the hall. Just leave it in the little door. I‘m Ansley by the way if you need anything.” she said and handed me a small cup before disappearing down the hall.

I nodded and took the cup. Once I had completed the task I’d been given and walked back to the exam room.

I took a seat on the table while Joanna sat in a chair next to it.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Um….okay I guess…a little shaky.” I replied.

She gave me an encouraging smile as a doctor walked in.

“Hello I’m Dr. Parsons and I’m going to be the physician watching over your during your treatment.” she said.

“Hi. I’m Lucy and this is my friend Joanna.” I replied.

“Nice to meet you both. Now I’m going to check you out and then ask you a few questions.” she said.

I nodded and she started doing all the doctor stuff. She listened to my heart and lungs, took my blood pressure, pulse and temp, and checked my eyes, ears, nose and throat.

“Okay you seem to be okay. Now for the questions. Do you want your friend to leave the room?” she asked.

“No. She can stay.” I replied.

“Alright then. Now I understand you’re here for Drug rehab correct?” she asked.

“Yes.” I replied.

She nodded, “Okay any history of family dependence?”

“My grandfather on my dad’s side was an alcoholic.” I replied.
She gave another nod and scribbled down something.

“Now can you list the drugs that you’re currently on and have experimented with please?” she said.

I sighed and glanced sideways at Joanna…there was a lot she didn’t know.

“Mainly it’s Oxycotin and pot…sometimes Vicodin. I’ve experimented with Heroin once, ecstasy twice…um…cocaine a few times and once in a while I drink.” I said.

Dr. Parsons nodded and wrote down what I said and I took a chance to glance at Joanna. Her eyes were wide and glaring at me, her mouth hidden behind her hand because I knew that if it wasn’t she would be yelling.

“Okay…how many of these have you done since the start of your pregnancy?” she asked.

“Pregnancy? I’m not pregnant.” I replied.

The doctor raised her eyebrows, “Well we ran every test on your urine including a pregnancy test and it came back positive. So congratulations.” she said.

I looked at Joanna who’s eyes were still wide but this time with shock instead of anger. Without thinking I brought my hand up and rested it on my stomach. I was pregnant.

“Ms. Samuels do you want a moment alone?” she asked.

“No…no I’m fine…it’s just a surprise.” I replied.

“Okay then I think we’re going to do an ultrasound to see if we can figure out how far along you are before you answer my last question.” she replied.

I nodded and she instructed me to lay down before pulling an ultrasound machine from the other side of the room. I lifted my shirt and she poured a warm blue gel onto my stomach and ran the wand over it.

“Okay…there’s your baby.” she said pointing to a blob on the tv.

“H-How far along am I?” I asked.

“You look to be about 4 weeks. I take it you haven’t missed your period yet and that is why you didn’t know yet correct?” she asked.

“Yeah…I’m 2 days away from my first day.” I replied.

She nodded and cleaned off my stomach. I sat up and she began to explain how my treatment would be different since I was pregnant. We’d have to monitor the baby closely. I told her that lately I’d only been using oxys. I wasn’t using much though so she said that the baby would hopefully be okay.

We would monitor the baby closely and while I went through withdraws I would need to be monitored closely as well. Once the questions were out of the way she told me I was all set and that I could go get settled.

Walking to my room I was silent as thoughts swirled in my mind. I was surprised that Joanna was as quiet as she was however when we reached my room she shut the door and turned to me.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were using all that?!?” she asked.

“I-I wasn’t using all of it that often okay? I told you I just tried it okay? It’s not like I was shooting heroin every day!” I replied.

She sighed, “Whatever. That doesn’t matter anymore…what matters is your having a baby. When are you going to tell Max?” she asked.

I bit my lip and turned towards my suitcase. Unzipping it I pulled out clothes and began to put them away.

“Lucy…when are you going to tell Max?” she asked warily.

“Eventually.” I replied.

“What? Why not now?” she asked.

“Because.” I said.

“Because your scared that it might derail his treatment or….?”

“Because I don’t know if the baby is his!” I replied in a rush.

“WHAT?!?” she asked.

“I don’t know if the baby is his okay? Think about it….I broke up with Matt 4 WEEKS ago. The day I got back from Phoenix we had sex. It wasn’t meant to happen but it did! Then after we broke up a day later Max and I had sex. You remember! You’re the one that caught us in bed together! One thing led to another and that was it! It could be either him or Matt!” I replied.

Joanna let out a long breath and sunk onto the bed, “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know! I’m fucking lost on this! I mean what the hell? Both times it was safe! I just…I don’t know.” I replied sinking down beside her.

“Well you have to tell Max something Lucy….you’re going to be here together and before you two leave you’re going to start showing.” she replied.

“I know.” I sighed pulling my knees up and resting my forehead on them.

“Look…maybe you should just be straight up with Max…let him know what’s going on. I’m sure he can handle it.” she replied

I nodded just as there was a knock and Ansley walked in.

“I’m sorry but visiting time is over but you can walk your guest out if you’d like. Then afterwards you have free time in the garden.” she said with a smile.

I nodded and stood up. Jade and I walked down the hall to the front.

“Look if you want you can tell Craig.“ I said.

“You sure?” she asked and I nodded.

Just as we got to the front Craig and Max walked up.

“Alright I guess its time for us to go. Love you guys and get better.” Craig said and hugged both Max and I.

“I will come see you guys before we leave for tour.” Joanna said and hugged both of us as well before heading out.

Max and I watched them leave before turning to each other.

“You wanna go outside?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I smiled and took his hand.

We headed outside. It was nice out and I was happy to be out here. With withdraws coming I probably wouldn’t be out here much in the coming days. As we walked thoughts of the baby tugged at my mind as well as Joanna’s voice telling me that he’d find out eventually.

“Max…we need to talk.” I said and pulled him over to a bench.

“What’s going on?” he asked as we sat down.

“Look…um…I have something to tell you.” I replied my hands shaking with nerves.

“Babe what is it?” he asked.

“Max….they did some tests when I got here…” but he cut me off.

“Lucy what’s going on? What did the tests show? Are you sick or something?” he asked his voice rising in panic.

“No…nothing that bad. Actually….um…Max…I’m…pregnant.” I replied.

His face looked relieved before he processed what I had said. When it finally registered his face lit up.

“P-Pregnant? You’re having a baby? We’re having a baby?!?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m having a baby. Me Max.” I replied.

“Wait…what do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean….oh god this sounds bad…I mean that I don’t know if it’s yours or not.” I replied.

“What do you mean? You’ve been cheating on me?” he asked.

I shook my head, “No…not at all baby…it’s just that….I’m 4 weeks along and 4 weeks ago Matt and I were together. The day before you and I first had sex.” I replied.

“So it might not be mine?” he asked.

I nodded, “It might be Matt’s.”

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

“Max…I understand if you don’t want to be with me or have anything to do with the baby. I’ll get it.” I replied.

“What? Lucy are you crazy? I love you. You’re amazing and beautiful and I’m going to love this baby whether or not its mine or Matt’s. I’m going to love it just because it’s part of you.” he replied.

“Really?” I asked tears starting in my eyes.

He nodded and pulled me to him and kissed me.

“I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you too.” he replied.

Max and I spent the rest of our outdoor time together that day as well as meals. We talked about baby names and things like that. When he left me that night he kissed me goodbye and whispered a goodbye to the baby.

That night as I crawled into bed I thought about the life growing inside of me. I had to get better, not just for me but for my baby too. I had no choice but to do it.