Wasted

"That fucking bastard!" Autumn grabbed a book from her shelf and threw it across the room.

She was livid and fuming so much she though steam would come out of her ears.

"Whoa there tiger, calm down." Riley chuckled and waved her hands in the air as she walked into Autumn's room.

Autumn narrowed her eyes at Riley and threw her hands up angrily, "You don't get it!"

Riley took a seat on the edge of Autumn's bed and folded her hands across her lap. "Okay, what happened?"

"Gerard is such a fucking asshole!"

Riley's eyes widened and she wearily asked, "Why?"

Autumn crossed her arms across her chest and set her jaw angrily, "He's seeing someone else."

"How do you know?" Riley asked. She got up and walked over to Autumn.

"I saw them making out last night at Frank's show and how fucking grand that I ran into them at the grocery store earlier." Autumn felt her throat clogging up but she hadn't allowed herself to cry.

If she cried over Gerard, she thought it would make her pathetic and far too boy crazy than she wanted to be.

"Wow Autumn..." Riley looked down at her feet, she didn't really know what to say. "He's an ass."

Autumn nodded, too mad and exhausted to say anything. Autumn knew her and Gerard weren't official and he wasn't close to cheating, but she put faith in him and thought he did the same in her.

"She probably looks like a rabid cat." Riley joked softly.

Autumn shrugged her shoulders. She couldn't deny that Stacy was attractive. Hell, she was taller and looked like a sex bomb. Autumn didn't doubt she was attractive either but being around Gerard's new lover made her a bit self-conscious.

"You really like him, huh?" Riley asked.

"Yeah." Autumn felt so small, like a child who had just been told the tooth fairy didn't exist. Her feelings for Gerard didn't matter to him and he didn't care. He was the always going to be the drunken Gerard who said one thing but did the other. She couldn't trust him anymore.

-

Weeks had gone by and Gerard hadn't seen Autumn. Things with Stacy were easy and fast enough for him. They partied, got pissed drunk and fucked until they passed out.
The guys weren't too fond of her but they didn't let him know. They tolerated her enough to let her hang around. But they noticed Autumn didn't come around as often as before. None of the guys knew about Autumn and Gerard, even Ray and Mikey who knew he had feelings for her.

The band had started recording and in a few weeks, I Brought You My Bullets You Brought Me Your Love was released.

The boys were leaving on tour for 6 weeks before they were back for winter break. Autumn was ecstatic for the boys. It made her happy to see her cousin’s dreams come true and regardless of what happened with Gerard and her, she loved the band.

"You gonna miss us?" Ray asked Autumn. He draped an arm over her shoulder and grinned down at her.

"You know I will," she chuckled and lightly poked his stomach.

They were all at Frank's house, even Riley and Taylor, spending the boys last night in town together before they went off for their tour tomorrow morning.

Riley sauntered in from the kitchen, Frank right behind her and both carried bottles of hard alcohol.

"Some Sambuca for the ladies." Riley cheekily grinned and sat down next to Taylor on the couch.

"That's all we're going to do, drink the night away at Frank's?" Mikey asked from the lazy boy he was sitting on and playing Mario Kart.

"Fuck yeah." Frank spoke up and plumped down on his couch and twisted the top off of the bottle of vodka.

"Can we order take-out or somethin?" Taylor asked and winced as she took a swig of Sambuca.

“You guys drink and I’ll go order pizza,” Autumn walked over to the kitchen and picked up the phone. As she ordered the tons of food everyone would consume that night she heard the front door open and felt a cold draft come inside the house.

She leaned over and peeked her head outside of the kitchen doorway. Her body heated up when Gerard and Stacy walked inside Frank’s living room and hung up their coats.

Quickly she wrapped up the phone call and took a deep breath before she walked into the living room. If either of them tried to strike up conversation she wouldn’t know if she could contain her anger but she put on a brave face and walked.

“Hi Autumn,” Stacy smiled and waved, oblivious to the fact that Autumn disliked her. Autumn sent her a tight smile and sat next to Taylor and Riley on the couch across from Gerard, Stacy and Frank.

“What did you order?” Frank asked. His eyes were glued to the television screen, currently playing feverishly against Mikey on Mario Kart.

“Four large pizzas. Two cheese, two pepperoni and bacon.” If they were lucky, Frank, Mikey and Ray wouldn’t eat an entire a box to themselves but the chances were slim.

Conversation flooded the room and it felt like a small kickback. Autumn kept her voice to everyone but avoided speaking to Gerard directly. She was cheering Frank on when she felt Gerard’s eyes hard on her. She glanced up and their eyes caught each other.

Who had she been kidding? For the last few weeks all she could think about was him. He was wrapped up in her mind and all she felt at that moment was the jealousy she had for Stacy. The thought of them together made her sick to her stomach but it was something she couldn’t stop thinking about. She was always around, hanging off of Gerard and he hadn’t even tried to talk to her. That hurt the most.

Gerard reached into his pocket, his eyes still on hers and pulled out his box of Newports. He held it up and raised an eyebrow, nodding towards the front door. She knew what that meant. They always had their smoke breaks together. If she couldn’t rip his head off in front of everyone she would do it outside with a free cigarette.

“Where ya going?” Frank asked her as she walked to the door.

“Smoke break,” she muttered and shut the door behind her. A few seconds passed and the front door opened again and Gerard stepped out.

They said nothing as he handed her a cigarette and they sparked them up, smoking them silently.

It was amazing to Gerard how she could never sense how nervous he was around her. He knew he fucked up. He could tell her demeanor around him had changed. Her face was set hard but her eyes faltered a bit.

An awkward silence hung in the air. How could they have gone from almost being together to feeling like strangers, Autumn thought. She looked down at her shoes and closed her eyes over, wishing she never got involved with him.

“Have you written anything?” Gerard broke the strong silence but he kept his eyes set on the scenery across from them.

“No,” Autumn’s voice came out hoarse and she cleared her throat.

Gerard nodded and took a drag from his cigarette.

“Look Fall,” he started but she cut him off and turned to face him. She was livid and at this point she didn’t care if everyone in the house heard what she had to say.

“No! You don’t get to call me that after what you did.”

“It’s more complicated than you think!” He argued and his voice rose.

Autumn shook her head at him and she wished she wouldn’t cry but she could already feel the sting of tears. “I don’t care! You feed me all this bullshit about giving us a go but you end up with Stacy!”

Gerard’s stomach churned when he saw her crying. He had never seen Autumn cry. It wasn’t something he thought would ever happen and it hurt him knowing he was the cause of it.

He was struggling over his words. He couldn’t figure out the right thing to say. “You don’t fucking get it!” He shouted back, his own pride getting the best of him.

Autumn’s eyes widened and she stepped back before her eyes narrowed back and her voice rose, “Fuck you, you selfish bastard! I trusted you!” Her arms were shaking and she was crying harder than she thought. Never had she cried over a boy like this, especially in front of him. She wanted to wring his neck and let him feel what she was feeling.

Gerard’s face crumpled and he looked down at his feet, coursing a hand through his hair. “I told you not too. I told you it was stupid to think you and I would be something!”

Autumn felt her body stop. She looked straight up to him and felt her breath hitch in her throat. He had officially stabbed her in the back, heart and in every metaphoric way he could’ve ripped her apart.

At this point everyone in the house heard the entire argument and Frank was the first to rush out to the porch.

“Autumn?” He grabbed her by the shoulders and noticed her crying. He turned back to Gerard and narrowed his eyes. “What the fuck did you do Gerard?” Gerard took a step back and shook his head.

“It doesn’t concern you Frank.”

“Like hell it doesn’t!” He shouted and advanced to Gerard. Ray and Mikey stepped in between them and tried to calm Frank down but he was fuming and ready to rip Gerard’s head off. Autumn put her hand lightly on his shoulder and shook her head.

“Stop Frank. He’s right, it’s between me and him.”

Frank’s eyebrows furrowed and his frowned at her. “Go inside, I’ll be in there in a bit.” He wiped away a few tears and some hair from her face. She nodded and walked inside beside two dumbfounded Riley and Taylor.

Frank pointed at Gerard and scowled, “Go home Gerard.”