Wasted

Dear Gerard,
I'm only writing you this letter because there are only three things I want to say to you. It may seem juvenile to write you a letter but I need to let it all go, along with you. I can barely even get the words out right now but I hope you're listening. First, I want you to know how much you suck. I hope you realize it before the day you die. Second, I really liked you. I was like a school girl all over again, with the butterflies and the cheeks burning when you caught me looking at you and the expectations. God, those expectations burned everything in the end. I didn't expect you to fall in love with me. Falling in love was so far fetched for the both of us. But I wanted you and I wanted you to want me back.It wasn't as simple as I thought it would be. It was more of a head fuck. You know, you with your jet black shaggy hair and that crooked smile that did more damage than you thought and me, the one who slowly fell deeper into you. (I hope you're realizing how much you suck by now) But nothing is ever simple is it? Things just swerve out of nowhere and you're back to square one. I don't want to be in a square or in this silly game we put ourselves in. That's the third thing I wanted to tell you. I can't say much about the future, what's coming after your tour or the weather next week but I'm letting you go. I won't use that cheap line, "we can still be friends," because that's all we were. Just two adults trying to be kids again. Take care of yourself Gerard.

- Autumn

P.s. I told Ray to give you this letter, because A. Frank is mad at you. B. Mikey would spill the beans to Frank. C. I don't like Matt. D. Ray is pretty sweet.

Gerard's eyes glazed over the letter for the hundredth time, it felt like. He kept reading it over and over, trying to grasp everything she was saying. How could he have let it get like this?

He looked ahead and saw the back of Frank's head bobbing along to his headphones. That was the only piece of Autumn he had on the road, along with this letter. Sometimes if he looked hard enough at Frank he could see parts of her. It only numbed the pain he kept feeling since the night on Frank' porch.

This letter was the nice way of her telling him she didn't want to see him anymore. But that was inevitable, wasn't it? Her cousin was in his band and they were bound to crash into each other any time. The last thing on his mind was Stacy. He had said goodbye to her before he got into the white van and drove off to his next show. He resigned from his job and said fuck it all.

That's all he was feeling right now. He couldn't wait to get to the next venue and get his hands on a new bottle of whiskey. But for right now he would have to deal without another fix. He dug into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a joint he had rolled up earlier.

As soon as he sparked up his mind drifted off to Autumn and she wouldn't leave.