Wasted

Autumn was quietly organizing a few things around her apartment while Riley and Taylor were out relaxing after their stressful midterm weeks. Frank had emailed her telling her he would be home one of these days and she was excited to have her cousin home. Their tour was over for a few weeks and the writing process for a new album was following suit.

She smiled as she propped up a picture frame of the boys in the band on a bookshelf in the living room. Her eyes landed on Gerard and a soft smile dawned on her lips. She hadn’t spoken to him since the night he confided everything in his drunken phone call but from what Frank was saying, it sounded like he was doing okay and getting everything straight.

She sighed and looked out to the terrace. Whatever she felt for Gerard had to be pushed aside until he sorted everything he had on the table. For all she knew he probably didn’t even feel the same and just needed someone to ramble too and unleash everything.

Her doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts and she raised her eyebrows. If it was Frank, he was home earlier than she expected and she almost had to fight to keep from running to the door and looking like a fool. She didn’t bother looking through the peep hole but she wished she did after she’d opened the door.

It hit her like a wave to the chest. He was standing there in all of his glory with his hair messily framing his face and the familiar crooked smile. Her breath hiked in her throat and her eyebrows furrowed.

“Gerard? What are you doing here?” She managed to breathe out.

He looked lighter, like he’d lost some weight but his face was clear of the bags under his eyes and he appeared sober for the day.

He cleared his throat. “We uh, we just got back. I wanted to see you.”

She glanced around him in the doorway, wondering if any of the other guys came as well but she saw no one but him. A few seconds passed before she snapped out of her thoughts and let him in.

"Oh, right. Ok, come in."

She didn't know why she felt so nervous but her heart was beating faster than usual and she felt the familiar awkwardness of being a teenager with a crush.

Gerard walked in and glanced around, smiling to himself. He was nervous and kind of unsure about what he was doing in her apartment. But as soon as he dumped his bags at home, he got on the train to New York and headed for her place.

"Are the girl’s home?" He asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"No, they went on a Spa day together."

He nodded and stood awkwardly against her couch. She stood across from him and shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"I just-"

"I hope-"

They both started but stopped when they saw each other opening their mouths.

They nervously smiled at each other. "I'm sorry, you go." Autumn spoke up.

Gerard ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the ground. "I don't remember much of the beginning of our phone call that one night," he admitted sheepishly.

Great, she thought, he's probably forgotten everything and we're back to square one.

"But I remember you helped a lot and I woke up the next morning with a hangover and a small epiphany," he bit his lip and continued, "I haven't had a drink in two weeks and I quit the pills and the coke."

Autumn's eyes widened and she stood there shocked to her core. Gerard was clean and sober and he was on the right track. She blinked rapidly before she softly smiled.

"Wow, I'm proud of you Gerard," she murmured.

He smiled back and moved closer to her. "I remember I wanted to kill myself that night..." a flash a pain covered his eyes, "but then I called you."

Her green eyes looked up at his. "Why did you call me?"

He was so close she could feel his breath on the tip of her nose. She kept her arms to her sides, too nervous and shy to really move.

He looked down at his feet and then back up at her. His lips turned up into a crooked smile and he pushed away a stray piece of hair from her face.

"I needed you."

Her breath hiked in her throat and her eyes grew wide. She wanted to pinch herself, to see if this was all a dream or if she were just hallucinating.

"Gerard," she breathed out, "I'm happy for you, but I'm not the one you want, you have Stacy and--"

He cut her off, "Stacy was a giant mistake. I only started seeing her because I knew I wasn't good enough for you."

She shook her head, trying to wrap her mind around what he just said, "Who said you weren't good enough?"

"Come on Autumn, as if it isn't already obvious." He scoffed and looked away.

"What's so obvious?" She retorted, growing confused and agitated that he would think so low of himself.

"Have you seen yourself and then looked at me? I'm a piece of shit Autu--" It was her turn to cut him off, she put her finger to his lips and narrowed her eyes.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." She spoke fiercely.

"Who taught you that?" He mumbled against her finger.

"Eleanor Roosevelt in the 6th grade," she smirked.

He chuckled and she dropped her hand back to her sides.

"I'm serious Gerard, you're a great person. You've got thousands of fans who look up to you and you've got your family who loves you so much."

"How do you manage to turn everything I say into something positive?" He murmured.

"Because," she shrugged with a small grin, "I'm a writer."

He laughed lightly and slowly looked back up to her eyes. “I talked to Frank about everything that happened between you and I,” his adam’s apple bobbed up and down, “he almost castrated me.”

Autumn let out a muffled giggle and playfully winced. “Wow. Good going.”

“I don’t want any secrets anymore. I want this to be an open thing, you know, you and I.” He said quietly and lamely shrugged his shoulders.

“You and I?” She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, “What about you and I?”

Her nerves had come and were slowly leaving. She could feel the sexual tension between the two of them and the way he was looking at her made her heart speed up and her palms sweat.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” he cleared his throat and coursed a hand through his hair, “I’d like to call you whenever I want, be with you whenever I want and kiss you whenever I want.” His lips turned up into a smirk and she felt her whole body become mush.

“No,” she shook her head, causing his eyes to widen. She laughed, “I wouldn’t mind any of that.”

He grinned and dipped his head down, he kept their lips apart for a second, just checking if she didn’t want this but she leaned in closer and connected their lips together.

They both smiled like lovesick teenagers against the kiss; Gerard wrapped his arms around her frame and pulled her closer to him.

She felt bliss as she inhaled his familiar scent of his cologne and cigarettes, a scent she felt she would never grow tired of.

“Gee,” she murmured against his lips and softly pulled apart.

“Hmm,” he murmured back and pressed his forehead against hers.

“You’re not going to run off with some other girl after you’ve kissed me, right?” She quietly asked, afraid that once he got what he wanted he would find another Stacy.

“No,” he brought his hand up and lightly caressed her jawline, “the other girls don’t matter anymore.”