Wasted

It was so dark outside Gerard’s house he couldn’t make out the keyhole in his doorknob.

“Shit,” he cursed to himself and fumbled around with his keys.
Autumn giggled behind him and covered her mouth sheepishly when he turned to give her a playful glare.
“C’mon Gee, it ain’t that hard.” She jested and poked her finger against his back.

He didn’t reply, he finally got the key inside and opened up the door. Autumn almost forgot her nerves that were kicking in. He gestured for her to step inside and he walked in behind her. It was too dark for her eyes to focus on anything. Gerard grabbed her hand and to her surprise didn’t turn on the lights; he led her downstairs to his room in the basement.

She tried to swallow down the butterflies roaming around in her stomach. She wasn’t afraid of him, he wasn’t a serial killer and she trusted him. Her nerves were more around the topic of sex. She hadn’t been intimate with anyone in months and he had been with Stacy recently. Those only made her feel more insecure. She tried to keep calm, telling herself that Gerard would never force anything she didn’t want to do.

“Watch your step,” Gerard spoke up when he reached his room and flicked on the light beside the door.

Autumn squinted and her eyes focused to the sudden wash of light. Her eyebrows rose up as she looked around his room. The room smelt of cigarettes, coffee and his familiar cologne. His wooden panel walls had comic book poster and random drawings tacked on any spot he could manage. He had a small desk against the wall across from the window and his bed was under the small window. She smiled at his small knick knacks. She laughed lightly when she saw his twin sized bed with batman covers.

“What?” He raised an eyebrow.

She shook her head, “Nothing. I just really like your bed sheets.”

He rolled his eyes playfully and pulled her down beside him on his bed. “My humble abode,” he mumbled.

“I like it. It’s very you.” She grinned and laced their fingers together.

He laughed. “Ma’s gonna be mad she didn’t get to meet my girlfriend finally before I brought her into my evil lair.” He grinned devilishly and hovered over her.

Autumn’s eyes widened and her cheeks burned crimson. Gerard raised an eyebrow and lightly touched her cheek.

“Why do you look so uneasy?”

She felt her heart thump quickly and bit down on her lip. “You called me your girlfriend,” she mumbled quietly.

“Yeah, so?”

She looked down and shrugged but a small smile was on her face. “It’s the first time you’ve said it aloud to me.”

Gerard raised her chin up with his finger, “Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend. You’re my girlfriend. Autumn is my girlfriend.” He rambled obnoxiously and grinned.

She laughed and slapped his chest. “Okay, we get it now.”

He put his hands down on each side of her and hovered, lightly straddling her. He dipped his head down and lightly kissed her neck. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Her nerves were going up the wall and she could hear her heart clamoring.

“Gee,” she whispered softly.

He hummed back.

She tilted her head back, unknowingly giving him better access, “Your mom might hear us.”

“Nah, my walls are soundproof sugar.” He mumbled against her neck.

“I won’t be as good as Stacy.” She blurted.

Gerard’s head slowly came up from her head and he looked down at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“What are you talking about?”

She looked down at her hands and shrugged again. “I haven’t done this in a really long time.”

“So?” He answered quickly.

She sighed deeply and looked up at him. “I won’t be as good as her.”

Gerard closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “Stop that Autumn.”

“Stop what?”

He looked back at her and set his face hard as stone. “Do you think I’d be here right now if I cared at all about Stacy.”

She didn’t answer, causing him to groan and plop down beside her on his bed. She sighed and looked down at him.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked quietly.

He closed his eyes and shook his head; his hair sprawled across his mattress. She felt the air around them get awkward and tight. She cursed herself under her breath and mentally wondered why she had to be such an insecure human being when it came to Gerard’s past relationship and sex.

“I really fucked this up, didn’t I?” He grumbled more to himself but Autumn heard.

“Fucked what up?”

He sighed and sat up on his elbows. She almost broke from her small frown when she saw his hazel eyes glowing. “This, you and I. I just had to be a little bitch and run off with Stacy when I had you right there. I don’t know why I fuck up so much. Now you think Stacy’s better,” he laughed bitterly.

Autumn’s eyebrows knitted together and she frowned harder. “You didn’t fuck this up. I’m just being stupid.”

“No, you’re not Fall. You’re perfect. And Stacy,” he shook his head, “she’s not relevant and nowhere near you. I want you, okay? Only you and this.” He gestured his hands between them.

Her lips turned up and she leaned forward to kiss him. “I’m sorry for bringing her up. That was dumb of me.”

He cradled her cheek with his hand and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it sugar. You and me, that’s it.”