Wasted

Autumn sighed in relief the moment Gerard and her stepped into an empty apartment. She wanted the moment he told her about her entire family history to be alone, just him and no one else possibly intruding.

She loved her friends and saw them as sisters but they never pried or asked about her family's distinct tree so she never felt the need to tell them.

Once her and Gerard were in her room, coffee in hand and sitting together on her bed, she felt at ease. She could trust him and was comfortable enough to really tell him anything at this point. Love was a strong word and she knew they were definitely too early in their relationship to even blurt that word out between them but she couldn't deny that she felt some gravity of it around him.

His hand reached up and brushed a stray piece of hair away from her face. He was curious to know what exactly he was going to tell him. From all he knew before her outburst in the car her parents had been divorced just like Frank's, except she never saw her mother.

She licked her lips and bit down, trying to find out how she would word it all. Her eyes peeked up and met his and she sighed softly.

"Well Katherine left when I was five." She started out, swallowing down a thick lump as she kept going, "Her and my dad were high school sweethearts. She got pregnant through college and from what I remember she was ecstatic and decided to get an associates degree instead of her bachelors."

She looked at Gerard, sometimes glancing away to gather most of her thoughts but he kept his eyes on her, silently telling her that he was listening and she had nothing to worry about.

"Everything was good you know, for the first couple of years. Or that's what the pictures and home videos want to tell me. But once I turned four and the most I can remember from that time is her and my dad started fighting. And I don't mean shouting at each other because one of them left the porch light on or forgot to get the milk for dinner. I mean World War II in my living room and it got so bad the neighbors would call the cops for my sake." She felt her eyes starting to water but she tilted her head up slightly to blink them away.

Gerard's eyes softened and he kept his hand along her cheek, lightly caressing it as she spoke to keep her calm.

Her hazel eyes got darker as she spoke, "One day she took me to the park and kept asking me about my future. What I wanted to be when I grew up, who I wanted to be, all of that nonsense. And she took me to my favorite fast food place and tucked me in that night. The next morning I woke up and tip toed to my parents room to find my dad silently weeping in bed with a bottle in his hands. She was gone and that's the last time I saw her." She roughly wiped away the stray tears that had managed to fall.

She sat up and scooted closer to Gerard, her arm going around his middle. "When you told me about your drinking problem I couldn't help but to remember my dad. He wasn't the cliche loud and aggressive drunk that would scream at me. He was more silent and kept to himself, passing out on the couch after work to get peace of mind. It's like he was numbing away the pain that my mom left around the house. "

Gerard felt an extreme wave of guilt suddenly on his shoulders. He hadn't understood why Autumn cared so much about his drinking and getting him clean. But now it finally clicked. She'd gone through it before with the most important man in her life.

"I don't blame him for cutting himself off from the world for a while. He didn't ask to be a single father juggling a young daughter,a job and heartbreak. The drinking got worse for a bit. He would pass out the entire weekend, leaving me to dress myself and find something in the fridge to eat. And then one day my grandpa came over and the both of us cleaned the entire house and cooked a giant meal for the three of us. My dad was alive enough to come downstairs and actually engage in human contact. I remember him looking at me and squinting his eyes, almost like he were trying to find my mother inside me."

She swallowed back a cry and took a deep breath, her eyes thick with tears. "I remember he said, 'Autumn's coming soon.' And the next day all of the bottles from the house were gone and he cooked the both of us dinner and we sat by the tv watching Full house." She smiled and Gerard's chest vibrated lightly beside her with a small laugh.

She looked up at Gerard with intense eyes. "My dad's a really great man. He's wonderful and the strongest person I know. And as for my mom, I guess she had her reasons for leaving and I have no idea what those were. I haven't seen her since and I've no idea where she is either. But I grew up happily, shrugging the fact that I didn't have a mom off of my shoulders and seeing my dad become twice the mother she could ever be. So I'm sorry if I'm not as damaged as you'd expect an aspiring writer to be," she laughed lamely and looked down at her hands.

Gerard tilted her chin up with his fingers and smiled adoringly at her. "You're perfectly fine, damaged or not I still can't keep away from you."

Her cheeks blushed lightly and she smiled, her teeth biting at her lip sheepishly and looked down.

"Hey," he said quietly, tilting her chin back up, "thank you for telling me all that." His lips brushed against her forehead and he pulled her closer. Autumn's head rested on his chest and her arms wrapped around him.

The rest of the night they spent in her room, watching reality TV on her television until Gerard had to go to band practice.