Wasted

Autumn lazily rubbed the sleep from her eyes and curled her legs up tighter on her chair. Her fingers lightly tapped the side of her coffee mug as she tried to wake herself up.

"Mornin," Taylor mumbled, walking past her at the table to get her own cup of coffee from the kitchen.

Autumn grunted in response, with no energy to respond with her actual voice.

Taylor took a seat across from her and cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Why are you so tired?"

"I have no idea," Autumn yawned and covered her mouth. "I just can't seem to wake up this morning."

"So what do you plan on doing for the summer?" Taylor asked, changing the subject.

"I was actually thinking of doing this internship at Sony Pictures," Autumn gave a small but eager smile, "a teacher back at the school recommended me for it and one of the writers wants to show me the ropes and I'll even get paid for it."

"Wow, that's awesome. You should definitely go for it."

"Yeah, I'm going to call the writer today. Thanks for the advice." Autumn smiled and stood up from the table.

"No problem. I am a doctor after all."

"Oh yeah," Autumn turned around and feigned a worried expression, "I've got this weird sensation down under, it's like it burns and-"

"Stop! I'm not that kind of doctor!" Taylor shouted and put her hands over her eyes.

Autumn laughed to herself and retreated back to her room. She figured she would make the call for the writer, Danny at Sony.

She sighed, thinking to herself if this was really the right thing she should think of pursuing. She loved writing, especially her own sloppy poetry but sometimes that just didn't get you anywhere. Possibly writing for show business wouldn't change anything, it would still be her work. She nodded to herself and picked up the phone, dialing Danny's number.

"Danny Thomas, how can I help you?" He answered after the first ring.

"Hi Danny, this is Autumn Iero. I'm calling about the internship..." She spoke calmly but her insides felt like they would burst.

"Oh hello Autumn. How are you?" His voice was cheerful and nice.

"I'm good, thank you. I was wondering if the slot were still open on the internship?" She winced and bit her lip, crossing her fingers behind her back for the best.

"Yes, of course it still is. I was also wondering when we would get you on board for it."

She grinned and did a small hop of excitement. "Yes! I mean, of course. I would love to."

"Okay, well just come by the studio tomorrow and we'll fill out the paperwork. I'll put your name on a list of visitors so just have your I.D. present at the booth."

"Okay, thank you so much Danny." She beamed.

"It's no problem. The way my sister in law talked about you, you're going to be a goddess in this studio." He said cheekily.

"Well, I don't know about that but I'll do my best."

"Alright, ten o'clock sharp."

"Got it. Thanks again Danny."

"Don't sweat it. See you tomorrow."

"See you." She hung up and let out a loud girlish scream of happiness that she was sure would wake the entire neighborhood.

Quickly she dialed Frank's number but he didn't answer. She knew her father would be busy at work so she dialed the last person she could tell.

"Yeah Sugar?" Gerard's voice sounded tired and strained but she figured it was because he had just woken up.

"Gee, I have the best news! I got a paid internship at Sony Pictures!"

He took a few seconds to respond, "Really? That's great, I'm happy for you."

"I start tomorrow. I'm so excited, I feel like I'm finally going to start following my own dreams you know?" She was rambling happily, twirling the cord of the phone around her fingers.

"Can I meet you somewhere? You know to talk?" Gerard asked, breaking her happy rambling.

"Yeah, sure sure. We can meet at the starbucks on 7th?" She was so high on her happiness she couldn't notice the tension on the other side of the phone.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll be there in an hour."

"Okay. I'll see you soon." She grinned.

"Bye Fall."

Quickly she ran into her bathroom to take a shower and get ready to meet Gerard. She couldn't wait to express the excitement of this all to him.

-

Autumn stood outside of Starbucks, her arms crossed over her chest to keep the heat in her jacket warm. She was waiting patiently for Gerard to emerge from the crowed of people walking through the streets.

When she saw the top of his head and his hazel eyes glancing towards her she smiled to herself.

"Hey," she smiled when he came up.

Her small fell slightly when she saw how tired he looked. His eyes weren't as bright as they were when she usually saw him and they had small bags underneath. His hair was greasy and hanging messy around his face.

"Can we take a walk?" He asked, his voice tight.

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked back at the coffee shop. "You don't want any coffee?"

"Autumn," he sighed and looked down at his feet before glancing back up at her, "there's something we need to talk about."

She could finally feel the tension she couldn't feel over the phone from him. There was a reason he looked so disheveled and she didn't think it would be about something joyous like her news.

"Uh, alright." She responded and followed him down the street.

He was going away from the people and the commotion of the streets. She was following him down the street towards an alley and she could feel the confusion sweeping her off of her feet.

"Gerard, what's going on?" She asked roughly and stopped following him.

He stopped looked everywhere but her for a few seconds and she felt herself growing irritated of his sudden muteness. It was like he was waiting for the suspense to build her up before he told her whatever he needed to say. He turned away from her and coursed a hand through his hair.

"For fucks sake Gerard, just spit it out!"

He spun around, "Stacy's pregnant."

Her eyes widened and her jaw slacked. She felt her stomach dropped and the sudden rush of bile coming up her throat. Her hand reached out towards the brick wall next to her for support. Seconds of thick silence passed before he spoke again.

"She's four months along. She swears its mine and," he swallowed thickly, "fuck, I believe her."

Autumn's mouth bobbed like a fish, opening and closing and trying to figure out something to say but the shock was so hard she couldn't find her voice.

Gerard's eyes watered on his own when he saw Autumn's shocked and sick state. "I promise you Autumn, I haven't been involved with her since before the tour. She just contacted me yesterday and told me she found out but didn't want to tell me because of the band and she thought I wouldn't want a kid and fuck." He exasperated and rubbed his face with his hands.

Autumn found her voice and the sudden anger came out. "Of course you're involved with her Gerard! For fucks sake, you couldn't even wear a fucking condom with her?"

"She said she was on the pill and then she became allergic and yeah there were times when we were stupid but we never thought..." he rambled back and put his hands up over his head to calm his heart.

"Never thought what? That you could fertilize her fucking eggs with your shit sperm?" Her anger was getting the best of her now and she couldn't stop the feeling of wanting to wring his neck with her own bare hands.

"You can't even be mad at me! We weren't together then!" He quipped back.

"That's not the point! We're together now and because of your stupidity you've got a baby on the way with someone else." Her voice broke and she felt her breathing start to become ragged. "I can't do this," she said quietly, her eyes tearing up and spilling over.

"No, no," he stepped closer to her and put his arms out to hold her but she stepped back quickly, "please don't say that." Gerard pleaded.

She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "I should of listened to my fucking instincts when I saw the two of you together." She spoke lowly to herself and shook her head again. "I have to go."

"Autumn!" He shouted after her.

But she moved her legs faster away from him and took off on a run towards the train. She cursed herself for walking instead of driving but she ran to the train station with angry tears spilling down her face.

-

Autumn didn't bother calling Frank on the way to Jersey on the train. She knew Linda would at least be there if he wasn't. Her legs felt like bricks by the time she reached his house on foot. She wanted to walk to clear her mind but it was useless, her mind was fogged up and hopeless to clear.

She dragged her feet up to his door and pounded her fist on the door.

Frank answered, clad in pajamas and cookies in his hands. "Hey," he raised an eyebrow at her sudden appearance but his face fell when he saw her puffy eyes and red cheeks.

He opened the door farther and pulled her in, "What happened? Are you okay?" He asked worriedly.

She sniffed and shook her head, the tears coming back. He grabbed her into a hug and rubbed her back.

"Autumn, what the hell happened?" He asked softly.

She let out a small cry and hugged Frank back tightly. "Stacy's pregnant and it's Gerard's."

Frank's eyes widened and his jaw slacked against her shoulder.

"Are you serious?"

She pulled away and nodded, wiping her eyes. "He just told me and I ran all the way to the train station. I walked over here to clear my head."

"Fuck Autumn," he mumbled and rubbed his neck. "I'm so sorry."

She shrugged and gave a bitter laugh. "He always fit with her better."

Frank's eyebrows knitted tightly together in confusion. "Did he break it off between you two?"

Autumn took a seat on his couch and shook her head. "No. I kind of just cussed him out and ran off." She put a hand over her head to try and calm her headache.

Frank frowned and sat down next to her. He didn't know what to say. He felt awkward in the situation. It was between Autumn and Gerard, he couldn't say much but he felt awfully bad for his cousin.

"Autumn, we both know Gerard's kind of a dumbass."

She peeked an eye open and raised her eyebrow, "Kind of?"

He sighed and rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Look, this is a real shit situation but it's between the two of you...or three," he muttered to himself quizzically, remembering Stacy.

"Wow Frank," she wiped her eyes, tired of crying. "I'm surprised you're not ready to pound him for this."

He glared at her and put his hands up. "You're my cousin, I love you and you know that. But Gerard's one of my best friends and a part of the band. What goes on between you two is your business. I can't just beat up Gerard every time he disappoints you." His sudden wisdom surprised her.

Autumn looked down at her hands. Frank was right. She needed to grow up and start dealing with things on her own.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. But, can you just answer a question for me?"

"Anything."

"Do I have a right to be angry with him about this?" She asked quietly.

Frank clicked his tongue and ran a hand through his hair. "Honestly, yes and no."

Autumn looked at him quizzically with a small frown. "What?"

He sighed before continuing, "You have a right to be mad at the situation, that's completely understandable. But," he put his hand up, "you can't really be mad at him because the both of you weren't together when he managed to get her pregnant." He winced at the last part.

Autumn swallowed thickly and nodded more to herself than him. She was angry, no doubt about that and she was extremely angry at Gerard but she had to talk through this with him.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She muttered and closed her eyes again.