Wasted

The days since 9/11 had passed by slowly but surely things were trying to correspond and keep things moving along.

Autumn's classroom seemed to get emptier every day, a new funeral everyday for a loved one every few students shared.

In class today they were discussing the book they began reading, Catcher In The Rye
"What are your thoughts about it so far?" Autumn asked, standing at the front of the classroom.

A student named Farah raised her hand and spoke up, "I really like it, especially Houlden."

Autumn nodded and looked around for another answer.

"It's interesting and kind of reminds me of the Great Gatsby," another student, named Sam spoke up.

"Why's that Sam?" Autumn asked and sat at the edge of an empty desk, facing the students.

"Because Houlden thinks everyone is so phony and fake and in the Great Gatsby, everyone is drawn by money and success and social status, which also made a lot of the characters fake, per say."

Autumn smiled at his analyzed answer and felt the proud feeling she would get when her students were branching out and learning.

There was a knock on the door that surprised everyone in the classroom. Autumn walked over to the door and saw Gerard standing outside in the hall, catching her by surprise.

"Erm, everyone I want you to write a paragraph on the character of Holden for the rest of the period. I'll be out in the hall."

She received a few nods and mumbled and stepped outside in the hallway.

"Gerard?" She asked, disbelieving that he was really there. What could he possible be doing in front of her classroom?

"Um, hi Autumn," he smiled nervously and shifted foot to foot nervously.

"What's going on?" She asked, eyeing him carefully.

He sighed deeply and looked up to catch her eyes, "I didn't know who else to talk to about this," he looked up and down the hallway, "and I don't really wanna talk about it here."

Autumn furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at him, "What is it Gerard?"

The worry started to overtake her and the worst scenarios flooded her mind.

Were the guys okay? Was Frank okay?

He sighed again and rubbed his forehead, "When's your lunch break?"

"In twenty minutes. Meet me at the coffee shop on 3rd street." She responded quickly without hesitation and turned back to her classroom.

-

Autumn walked quickly, taking bigger steps than usual to get to the coffee shop where she was meeting Gerard.

She found him outside, casually smoking a cigarette and seeming more calm than he was twenty minutes ago.

The familiar crooked smile crawled on his lips and he stepped on his cigarette.

"So," she breathed in, "what's up?"

He led her into the coffee shop, the both of them taking a seat at the nearest table.

Autumn raised her eyebrow at Gerard, "So..."

He nodded and sighed deeply, his eyes on the table, "This is going to sound really crazy," Autumn just nodded, indicating for him to go on.

"I feel like I'm wasting my life away interning for Cartoon Network. Ever since last week I can't stop thinking about everyone I saw...jumping..." His voice was shaking and he clasped his hands together tightly.

"I want to make a difference." He looked up and his hazel eyes were mixed with hope and vulnerability. His words were coming out rough but sparked with trust. "I want to make music and change things. I want to impact people."

Autumn stared at him, her lips parted open and her mind trying to take it all in. Here he was, a person she had never really had a bond with sharing a dark side with her in the back of a coffee shop.

Gerard's palms were sweating and the air around them was thick with trust, radiating off of him.
Gerard's mind was racing and he immediately re-thought why he told Autumn. Because she was trustworthy, she didn't judge and she was always kind of there. She was Autumn.

He spoke up again and pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket, "I wrote this yesterday. I really respect you as a writer," Autumn felt her stomach flutter with uneasiness and her cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink, "and I just wanted to share it with you."

Autumn took the paper gently and unfolded it, her eyes scanning the words and breathing them in.

You're not in this alone,
Let me break this awkward silence
Let me go, go on record
Be the first to say I'm sorry
Hear me out.
when if you take me down
or would you lay me out
And if the world needs something better
Let's give them one more reason now

Autumn's eyes grew wide as she looked up at him and she felt his eyes scan hers for certainty and approval. She felt her lips tug at the sides and form a smile.

"Wow, Gerard," she couldn't find the right words to fit, "this is...so good." His eyes widened and a smile grew on his face.

"Really?"

She nodded vigorously, "I mean, good can't even explain how good it is. But I say do it."

His body relaxed and he sighed contently and smiled even bigger, "No shit?"

She shook her head and quoted him with a smirk on her face, "Do what you love and fuck the rest."

They sat in the coffee shop for another good fifteen minutes before Autumn had to head back to work. They stood out on the sidewalk, letting the air blow against them while Gerard smoked a cigarette.

"Thanks again Autumn, you're the first person I told, other than Mikey." He smiled and rolled his eyes playfully, flicking his cigarette ash out on the sidewalk.

She shrugged, "I like talks like these," he arched an eyebrow, the awkwardness from before completely evaporating, she rethought her words and spoke again, "I mean, I like getting to know people."

He smirked, inhaling the smoke from his cigarette, "I thought you already had me figured out?"

"Almost there Way," She smirked back.