This Is Where It Falls Apart.

My session on Monday was basically silent, like the rest. Although I did spill one secret.

"You ever get the feeling that like... everyone depends on you? Or that they are always watching your every move, and like... I don't know... Depending on you to be as good and wholesome as this image they created for you?" I spilled, almost as though I couldn't shut up.

Dr Hewitt sat there, silent, as if wanting me to continue.

"I'm not that person... I can't be" I confessed.

"Not what person?" Dr Hewitt questioned, in his normal shrink behavior.

"You know... That person they made me out to be. All happy go-fucking-lucky.. Always bubbly... That type of shit" I admitted.

"Then, what type of person are you?" he asked.

"I don't know... Just not that one. I'm not happy, bubbly, nothing. I'm just... I don't know" I answered

"Do you feel that the status of your fame made you feel that way?" he questioned.

"Well... partially, yeah. It got to me... But, it wasn't all just that. It was just all the shit people made me out to be... And pretending to be someone I wasn't. It pissed me off" I retorted.

"Who is the real Justin Bieber then?" he pushed.

This time, I just shrugged my shoulders, keeping my mouth shut. I needed to shut up. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, 'cause I knew the more I talked, the closer I would be to admitting the truth. The truth of why I did what I did. And part of me, I just didn't want to admit it. Not yet. I knew once I did, it would change my world forever. So I sat in silence for the remainder of our hour session until he excused me, as always. Standing up, I headed for the door until Dr Hewitt stopped me.

"Justin?" he called, causing me to look at him. "I want you to think about my last question before Thursday. Who is the real you? Alright?"

I nodded to acknowledge I heard him, and then walked out of his office, heading back to my room. I didn't need to think about the answer to that. I knew who I was. I was a fake. A joke. But there was no way I would admit the truth to him, when I sure as hell couldn't admit it fully to myself.

* * * * * * *

Our group session on Tuesday was pretty bland to be honest. No one flipped out, no one did or said anything exciting, and as usual, I kept to myself. Nobody knew why I was here, and I preferred it that way. That evening, after everybody was meant to be in lock down for the night, I really needed to use the bathroom. The only times we were allowed to leave our rooms at night was if it was an emergency. Well, this qualified as an emergency. I certainly didn't want to piss my pants, that was for sure. Pushing the covers off me, I climbed out from my warm bed, and hauled ass for the bathroom. Opening my door, I rushed down the gently lit hallway, and straight for the boys bathroom. Pushing the door open, I headed for the urinal, only to find somebody already standing at one of them. Someone that I was very familiar with. The door shut with a thud, causing this person to advert their attention to my direction. Those deep, brown eyes met with mine, and a smirk graced his face instantly.

"Well, well. If it isn't Bieber" Ryan smiled.

I went straight to the urinal, immediately taking care of my business without a word. Unbuttoning my boxers, I pulled out my cock, took aim, and began pissing.

"What, are you too superior to talk to me now?" Ryan questioned.

"Just came to take a piss, that's all" I noted, softly.

"All you have to do is say 'hello'. No need to be rude" he responded, as he shook himself dry and tucked his manhood away.

Quickly finishing, I gave a quick shake, readjusted myself and buttoned up my boxers. Turning around, Ryan was right there behind me, and I slightly bumped into him. Placing his hands on the biceps of my thin arms, he angled me to the wall, pressing me back first against the white tiled wall. Looking up to meet his eyes with mine, he smiled again as he pressed his body against mine. I was trying my hardest not to panic, or to think about the feel of his dick pressing and rubbing against mine. It's bad enough the kiss was tormenting me, and now I'd be thinking about our private regions touching.

"Look, I don't want to make this hard on you, Bieber. I can make your stay here extremely easy. Or I can make it extremely rough. But that's your call. You may run shit outside of these walls, but in here, this is my territory. And what I say, goes" he instructed.

"Ryan... I... I don't think..."

His index finger of his left hand touched my lips, causing me to fall quiet.

"Shhh. Don't say anything" he smiled, removing his finger from my lips.

His left hand then became placed on my waist, along with his right hand, and our eyes met once more. He did look extremely gorgeous right now, I couldn't lie.

"You know, in here" he began, slipping his left hand under my shirt and caressing my flesh, "a boy like me gets a bit, well... you know. Sexually frustrated. And the bitches in here do nothing for me".

His fingers softly traced my ribcage, and tickled my flesh, giving me goose bumps.

"But you on the other hand" he added, licking his lips in between, "well, your pretty little face, it does it for me".

All I could think was I was about to be basically prison raped, even though I wasn't in prison. Hell, this was close enough.

"Ryan.." I softly called.

"Shh.. Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you".

I stood there, frozen, and he leaned down, kissing me on my right cheek and heading down. Tracing my jawline with soft kisses, he used his right hand to go under my chin, angling my head up. My eyes focused on the ceiling as I then felt his lips going down my neck, and to my right collarbone, gently kissing me. Closing my eyes, I focused on his kisses, as he headed back up to my neck and directed my head back down. And in that second, his lips touched mine, so softly, but only for a second. Opening my eyes, he backed away, removing his left hand from under my shirt and pulling his right hand away.

"You taste just as sweet as I imagined" he smirked. "Just remember what I told you. Things can be easy, or hard".

Nodding my head, I made sure I didn't get on his bad side. But now, if I thought that one kiss was bad, tonight would torment me even worse.

"Good night, Justin".

"Yeah... um, good night" I mumbled.

He walked out first, leaving me there alone, to let everything soak in. I could not believe that Ryan basically just hit on me. I was becoming so confused about him, and even more confused about myself. Giving myself a whole sixty seconds, I then left the bathroom, making sure the coast was clear. I certainly didn't need Ryan ambushing me or lurking in the shadows to surprise me. Rushing to my room, I closed to the door behind me and pressed my back against it, almost as if I was barricading myself in. My heart pounding so hard as my mind raced with thoughts or Ryan. I could understand a boy becoming sexually frustrated in here, especially since there was that whole boys and girls aren't allowed to touch each other policy. Plus the fact that the boys rooms were at the opposite end of where the girls were to make sure no funny business went down. But what about boys touching boys? I mean, had they even thought about that? And secondly, why me? What made Ryan so drawn to me, out of... well, never mind, there was only myself and Brad. And I definitely couldn't see Ryan getting his rocks off over Brad, not to sound shallow. Looks aren't everything, and I knew that.

But to Ryan, apparently looks did it for him, according to the way he referred to me. My pretty face, as he called it, did it for him. Pretty was a word used for girls last I checked. And I was definitely not a girl. But even further, this made me question Ryan and his sexuality. Walking over to my bed, I climbed on it, and pulled the covers over me as I laid down. Was Ryan homosexual? Wait, no way. He said the girls did nothing for him. Maybe he just meant the girls did nothing for him in here, not all girls in general. I was so beyond confused. Closing my eyes, I attempted to focus on sleeping and not on Ryan and the events that took place moments ago. How about those kisses. Not about the way his lips felt against mine. How soft they were. How he tasted. How softly he kissed me. How his hands felt, touching my chest and ribs. How it tickled and gave me goose bumps. And then about the feel of his dick against mine.. Fuck. I was getting aroused.

Sighing heavily, I fought any and all urges to pleasure myself, especially at these thoughts. If Ryan ever knew what I was thinking, I would be in some serious shit. And probably much worse that I wanted to think about at this moment. Focusing on sleeping, I ignored what was attempting to happen to my body. I needed to sleep.

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