I Want You To Want Me

God it feels weird being in the same room as him.. I get this wonderfully annoyingly feeling. It feels like I’m going insane. Sometimes I just want to go straight over to him, sing right into his little ear, while floating off into his beautiful green hazel eyes; ‘I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I love you to love me, I’m begging you to beg me’, and then kiss him as passionately as God has never witnessed a kiss..

“Hello? Lirit? Are you still on this planet?” my best friend Emily said waving her hand in front of me.

Damn, must have drifted off to dreamland once again; can’t help it. “Umm. I’m sorry, what is going on?” I asked snapping out of my winning-Frank-dream.

“You know whose name we are not allowed to say out loud just happened to look over here” she gently whispered into my ear.

She was about to point in his direction when I slapped her hand; “We do NOT point at you know whom!”

“Well excuse me Mrs. Wanna-Be-Iero..” she teased adding a cheesy smile.

“Shh!” I couldn’t help but smile; Lirit Iero did not sound that bad actually. I found myself smirking like an idiot, and tried to once again act normal, as normal could be in my situation at least. She laughed.

We went to our usual table to hang out. Some of our friends sat there already; Ashley next to Judy and on the other side Tabitha sat. I sat down next to Tabitha, and Emily next to me.

“Did you just see that?!”Ashley exclaimed.

I could figure out that she alluded to Frank and his group. Mostly Frank, she had a thing on him. I didn't know why, actually, because as I knew it, they’d never even spoken together, and he’d never even turned his gaze in her direction. Maybe that was the reason then..

Ashley was the typical prep; she had got long straightened dirty blonde hair, not even a wave could be seen in it. She had a really fit body due to the 20 hours a week cheerleading practice; it was simply impossible to point out a mistake there, she had even got a nice bright tan that suited her mint blue nail polish. Her lips were very Monroe alike, while her eyes very Kristen Stewart alike, they didn’t really fit together; her warm red lips and her ice cold greyish green eyes. Her style I would describe as a bit slutty while she herself said it is trendy, but I thought she had got the trends misunderstood, and had them over-slutted.

“What did he do now?” Judy asked sounding a bit annoyed.

She spit out a crumpled greyish chew gum, dug down in her little bag, opened the carton and took a new gum. She chewed it elegantly and put the carton back down into her bag once again. Judy had a huge addiction for chewing gum.

“Just the way that he is sitting there joking with his ‘homies’ believing that he is SO awesome!” she complained and added; “And hey, don’t make it sound as if I never talk about anything else than him!”

“Well Ashley, then don’t!” Tabitha interrupted and laughed.

Tabitha was the silent type, but when something got to her, she suddenly interrupted; never started a conversation herself. She had got long black hair which was even longer than Ashley’s, and then she reminded me of Mimi from the movie Crossroads. She too loved rock, and I think that she played the piano, but I am not quite sure about it. She had got light blue eyes, and there was actually nothing special to say about her, except for this little silver colored ring that she always wore; she never EVER took it off. She was quite casual, except for her long straightened black hair, the same applied to her body and style. Oh, and then she had the prettiest porcelain colored skin.

“Well, at least I have something to say compared to some other..” Ashley answered being bitchy.

“Oh, will you please stop Ashley!” I exclaimed and interrupted.

“Do you st..”

“Just stop!” I yelled maybe a bit too loud due to everyone’s reaction in the cafeteria.

I got up, grabbed my bag and left the cafeteria. Emily and Tabitha joined me, and left Judy alone with Ashley. Judy was kind of Ashley’s pet, as everybody called her. We didn’t even reach the entrance before we heard Ashley complaining;

“Where is everybody going? What is wrong with them; can’t even take a joke?” She laughed.

She was trying to make it sound like we were a bit delicate and that nothing was wrong with her; of course nothing was going to influence her image. She always said; Nothing comes before once image, without it, you are nothing.

“What have you guys got this lesson?” Emily asked ignoring Ashley.

“I’m having Music Class with you dummy! What about you Tabitha?” I asked.

“Well, having Art, so I’ll need to turn here” she answered and turned.

We arrived at class in good time; were the first ones here. Due to the argument I had with Ashley, we’d walked off earlier than usual. I walked towards the piano and roamed the keys gently. Music meant everything for me, always had. I could suddenly feel Emily close to me, she kissed my cheek softly and then smiled at me.

“Oh, the freaks are lesbians!”

I turned around to see whom it was, and stared right into the most gorgeous hazel green eyes god has created. It was Frank. I couldn’t help but blush because Emily had just kissed me, and somebody caught us.. And that somebody was Frank!

“What do you think, shitface?” I replied, trying to sound tough.

This was how we usually spoke to each other. We hated each other, or well, he hated me.. It had always been like this. I didn’t really know why? It seemed kind of ironic that I was in love with my biggest ‘enemy’, but he was just so adorable!

“What a shame, would have been hot!” Gerard, Frank’s best friend, added blinking at me.

“Would have been gross, dude” Frank corrected him.

And dead the conversation was. I didn’t know what to reply, it felt bad whenever I had to pretend to hate him, and whenever I had to call him bad things, when all I really wanted was to call him darling, honey, sweetie.. Mine.

“What was that for?” I asked Emily a bit dizzy.

“Thought you needed it at the time,” Emily answered with her cutest and most considerate smile.

“Thanks,” I whispered and sat down next to her on the row.

Frank sat on the complete opposite side of us, along with his ‘gang’. In it was Gerard with his shoulder long black shaggy hair, and dressed in black from top ‘til toe; his best friend, they had known each other for several years, think it must have been from Kindergarten, and then Mikey, Gerard’s younger brother, with his weird hair put into a spike on his forehead and his squared black glasses. And then the two goofy ones, that never really had so much to say; Bob and Ray, Ray the tall one with the red-brownish afro, and Bob who was coarser built and had a little beard.

First then I felt my heart sink. Why did we have to be this evil to each other? He had called me a freak, and I had called him shitface.. How was I ever going to topple down the wall between the two of us, when all we ever did, was to add a brick to it every time we saw each other?

Emily could read the sorrow in my eyes, and tried to cheer me a bit up with one of her funny faces, but they didn’t seem to work for once. After a hard work of trying to cheer me up again, she just whispered to me that he was a jackass, and that I shouldn’t care about him. That she could say easily, she was not the one in love with him!

I couldn’t help but look at him again; now didn’t he look handsome with his little wide jaw, his lip piercing, his tattoos that was shown where his t-shirt ended and most of all, his wide shoulders? Oh, how wonderful it would be to feel them behind me, with his strong arm to embrace me.

Suddenly his eyes met mine, and my eyes flinched to look at Mikey, who smirked at me. Ew, I thought, and they flinched once again to look down at my feet. I felt embarrassed to be caught in staring at him. Wondered what he was thinking at the moment?

“Attention please!” our teacher Noah exclaimed; he was a young teacher with dark brown curly hair, and big brown eyes. “Today we are going to start a new project!” The class sounded excited. “The next couple of lessons we’ll be making a song in small bands, which I have already chosen, and I don’t want to hear any complaining or whining about; ‘I don’t want to play with him or her’! You’ll just have to zip it, and do what you really have to do; play music!”

Damn, he’d already made the groups; can’t be good! Emily took my hand; she sure as hell thought the same as I did, why? Because we wanted to be in the band together, and not with either Mary, a girl who picks her nose the whole time, or Al, who is the most annoying guy I’d ever met. I squeezed her hand tight. Please!

“Group number one will have the auditorium, and are Jackie Bendix, Jasper Smith, Rebecca Futora, Elisabeth Granger and Victoria Hale.” Complaining were already made out aloud, but Noah just continued; “Group number two will go to the old music class, and are Marco Smith, Bob Bryar, Ruth..” And so he kept on.

I found myself daydreaming until I heard my own name being called;

“.. Lirit Lund, Jacob Morgan, Jerry Horton, Gerard Way and Frank Iero! Now go to your ‘work shops’ and hell get some work done! We need to see results ladies and gentlemen!” Noah yelled loudly as the students got up and hurried out of the class.

“Please say that we are in group together?!” I begged Emily.

“Sorry girl, I’m with the fro, but you’ll have fun with you know whose name we are not allowed to say out loud,” she answered and blinked at me, as if it was my shot.

Well it wasn’t going to be so hard without Emily, since Jacob was my best mate, and Jerry too was a really nice dude, as we called it here, but it sure as hell wouldn't be easy getting along with Gerard and Frank.

“Where are we going to be?” I asked Jacob silently.

“Well it sounds like somebody didn’t pay attention..” Frank commented looking ready for fight. “Maybe you shouldn’t be having this class if you pay that much attention to it?”

“Maybe you should pay a little more attention to your ass instead of mine, seems like lots of shit is coming out of it?” I answered quickly and raised my left eyebrow and smirked at him.

I had really shut his mouth for the first time. I was simply amazed, and couldn’t help but laugh when Jacob and Jerry broke out laughing, I tried, but ended up laughing myself too. And Frank? Well he was completely speechless, even Gerard had to fight against the laughter.

“Good one!” Bob commented before leaving the class with his group.

When the laughter stopped again, Jerry told me that we had the class room that we already were in, which was really nice, and had the best instruments in the entire school.

Now it was time to work together as a group, the first part might work, but not as a group; Jerry had just yelled that he wanted to play the bass and Jacob wanted to play the drums, which apparently sounded just great in Frank’s ears as he said;

“Alright, alright, I’ll be at the guitar and back up and Gerard will do the singing, so now that we are done with the distribution we can talk about the lyrics and the chords..” Frank concluded.

But what about me? He did so on purpose, such little dickhead! He thought that he could walk all over me without a struggle, well that would be against my life! Who did he think he was??

“And what about Lirit?” Jacob asked.

“What about her?” Frank asked looking malicious. “Oh, well she can umm.. Do you know how to work a guitar?”

“Sure do,” I answered a bit annoyed.

“Okay, you can play the backup guitar then” he said throwing an ugly and shitty working electrician guitar at me.

I caught it right away and looked down at it. No way it was going to work with the amplifier! I couldn’t believe this. Did he really think I would go along with this? Fucking shitface.

“No way,” I said. “No fucking way; I am going to play the background guitar, and then on this piece of shit!”

“Oh, then she knew that much about music instruments, hadn’t thought so” Frank added smirking at me.

“She sings pretty well, if you did not know” Jerry interrupted.

“Her?” Frank asked looking surprised. “She can’t sing.”

“Oh yes she can, dickhead” Jacob protested.

He got close to Frank; he was at least one and a half head taller than Frank, but it did not seem to impress Frank. Jacob looked as if he was ready to kill. I gently grabbed his right arm, and gestured him to step back.

“She can play the backup guitar, but let her use this one,” Gerard now interrupted.

He handed me an old Gibson 1959 Les Paul guitar, with no emotions in his eyes. I accepted my role in the band with no more struggle, for now, and took the guitar out of his hands with no sweet emotions.

I was pissed off by this, and could feel that I needed some air, but couldn’t just leave the room now, then they would first start commenting on my role in the band, and if I was good enough for it. I gritted my teeth and fought my feelings and needs. I could not for all in the world show any weakness now, and especially not in front of these guys.

“You are going to regret this,” Jacob said and went back to his drums.

Gerard and Frank couldn’t care less, but I could read their face expressions; they were lucky this time, and they knew so too, but they tried not to show it.

“What about the band name?” Gerard asked trying to ignore what had just happened. “What do you think about My Chemical Romance?”

“I like it!” Frank exclaimed. “We’ll take it!”

“Oh my god. What did you just say?” Jerry asked. “My Chemical Shitmance?”

Frank and Gerard just ignored him, and we pretended as if the band name didn’t matter to us. Of course it did, but if they had it their way with the band name, we could might get it our way later. Anyway, it was just the name of the band, how much did it even matter?

“Gerard and I will write a text for tomorrow, and then we’ll teach you the melody, and we’ll figure the chords and the beat out, okay?” Frank said just as the bell rang.

He took it as an invitation to grab his bag while saying it, and then left without even care what we might had to say. Gerard followed closely behind him, and I could see Frank greeting Mikey, Ray and Bob in the hallway. No time to argue here.

Jacob walked towards me looking quite angry and a bit disappointed.

“Never let him conquer you, never.” He said with no tone shift in his voice, he sounded so monotone. “I won’t allow them to walk all over you once again.”

He turned around without a single smile and left with Jerry. I was surprised. I had never seen Jacob like this; what was up with him? The two of us had been best friends for more than a year, and we’d never argue, and he’d never been mad at me before, so I didn’t understand it..

After school I walked back home, opened the door, smacked it gently after me, yelled; “I’m home!”, walked up the stairs, went into my room, shut the door after me, threw my bag next to my bed, and jumped onto it.

“Why are you so stupid Lirit?!?” I asked myself angrily.

If Jacob wasn’t disappointed of me, I was myself. But I couldn’t help it.. He made my heart jump and pound like it had never done before. I turned over and laid on my back, staring into the air. Damn that guy had got me paralyzed.

My phone then suddenly vibrated. It was a message from Jacob saying that I had to write a lyric for tomorrow. I needed to show him that he’d made a mistake sending me to the backup guitar;

“They might kick your ass for doing it, but I’ll kick it if you don’t.”