I Want You To Want Me

Jacob’s p.o.v:
The clock was 07:30am when my alarm went off. I went straight to the shower, it was a quick shower, and then I got dried and put on some black / bluish jack and jones jeans, along with a plain white blouse and a pair of black all stars. I dried my dark curly hair with the towel; It was almost the same length as Charlie’s from the show Numb3rs.

I stood in front of the mirror and watched myself. Damn you had changed during the years, Jacob – I thought to myself. My upper body had evolved into a nicely muscular attracting upper body, and I was very proud of my six-pack. Not trying to show off, but girls liked it too. I kept looking at myself, actually admiring myself, for the first time ever.

I had never liked myself really; I was a hardened provocative jerk, who locked out every one in my life really just to protect myself from getting hurt, but doing it in a self-pity way letting my heart wither. I tried to safe everyone else, when the one who really needed the help, was myself, but trying to hide my weakness, looking strong and showing power, I pushed all the ones I really loved in my life away, and I became depressed and at times disgusting against other people.

I suddenly glared at the watch. It was already 08:00, which meant that I had to hurry up, since I had to be at the bus stop at 08:05.

I grabbed my bag, ran down the stairs, waved at my mom in the doorway and yelled; “See ya later mom”, and then ran down the street to the bus stop.

Actually I didn’t really like my family, especially not my mom, who tried to control every little thing in my life; she was too supervisory, she even checked out my bank account every day and kept record of how much that came in, and how much that went out.

Lucky me the bus had just arrived. I got in and walked down the bus. On the back rows this ridiculous Frank Iero and his group sat as if they owned the entire bus with its content. In the middle of the bus Lirit, Emily, Jerry and Tabitha, on some backer rows Judy and Ashley sat. It was obvious that something annoyed Ashley, but as usually, I did not care.

I sat down besides Jerry, did not even say “Morning” or “Hey”, I just sat down next to him, looked at him and then looked away again. We always greeted each other like this; cold and numb. Numb was actually a really good adjective to describe me with.

All that I could think of in the moment was Lirit. I better hoped for her that she had written that song lyric; we really had to fight back against these assholes who thought they were so much better than everyone else. I was excited; if Lirit really had written the lyrics, they would be too good for them to deny it, but of course Frank would figure something crazy out, which would give him the perfect reason to reject her lyrics.

I really wanted to ask her right away, if she had written the lyrics, but first of all; if I did so, everyone in the bus would almost hear it, at least one of them, and rumors ran quick, but second of all; it would be right against my personality to act excited and impatient.

Lirit and Emily were talking together, I did not recognize the words, where I was at the moment, but then I heard her laughter; it made me melt inside. It had the same reaction on me as her smile had. I couldn’t help but was fallen deeply in love with her. I had been ever since one of my good fellows were together with her; Casey. They had been deeply and truly in love with each other, but especially in the beginning, he had been acting like a complete jerk to her; still writing and kind of flirting with his ex-girlfriend, and when Lirit told him, that it had hurt her, he just laughed and was quite annoyed; she should not decide whom he should write what to. Right away I had gotten onto her side, and we were really good friends from the very beginning of their relationship. I had held the door for her, opposite Casey, who also left her hanging 10-15 meters behind him, and I had also written to her daily, asking her about stuff, and just chatted, while he had not.

I was there for her, when he had told her that he thought that his ex-girlfriend was still one of the most beautiful girls he had ever met; I screwed the appointment I had made with him, and a couple of our other friends about going to the gym together, and I took my car, and drove right out to her, sat there for hours with her tight in my arms letting her soak my blouse with her little crystal alike tears, and just listened to her. I did not even try bother cheering her up, it was not what she needed at the moment; she just needed to get it all out to somebody that she could confide in.

I had been in love with her ever since that, back when she was just 17 years old, and I was 18. Now she was 19 and I was 20, going on 21; we had graduated from high school together, and had then begun on the university together. We were best friends, which for me seemed to be far away from my goal; to be with her as a lover, as her boyfriend. She wasn’t with Casey any longer, a story which was too complicated and too long to explain, but even then, I had never told her or anybody about my feelings for her. I wondered if I was ever going to? I really did love her; I would do anything for her, and I knew that she would do anything for me, but not for the same reason; mine would be as for a lover, while she would do it as for a brother. She had often told me, that I was the older brother that she had never gotten. Of course it made me happy to know that she appreciated our relationship that much; that she appreciated me, but at the same time it broke my heart, over and over again; she loved me, yeah, but as a brother. Fuck my life.

The bus had arrived at school, and we had all gotten out when we were all walking to class, and Frank had gotten up behind Lirit along with Gerard and pushed her so that she fell. I ran towards her to help her up, and then I could feel the anger rise inside of me.

I could not believe that this was the douchebag which she had been so deeply in love with all along. A guy which did this to her, tried to tear her up from inside, tried to terror her emotions and tried to ruin every day of her life. How could she be in love with this jerk?

The anger rose steadily inside of me, and I could no longer control my actions; I got to Frank with quickly huge steps and grabbed him from behind. I was about one and a half head taller than him, that little bug. I turned him around as if he was nothing but a silly little doll, gave him my killer eyes, and by the reaction of his, I let him go once again; the fear in his eyes, as a deer facing the bullet just a second before it was being killed.

I walked back towards Lirit who was trying to pull herself up on her feet once again with help from Jerry and Emily. Tabitha had gone like the wind itself; she was a weird girl, too weird for my taste. Lirit smiled at me. God, that cute little smile, telling me that she had appreciated what I had done for her, and was being thankful for my help, how much I loved it was indescribable.

“Thank you very much, Jacob” She thanked me.

I took her hand and answered softly; “Everything for you, pumpkin” – Really meaning everything; there was not a thing in the world I would not have done for her.

We were all having music in the first lesson, and unluckily Frank and his group had so as well. It wasn’t really my day, you could say, but Lirit seemed to be grateful. How could she be so in love with him, but not in me? The self-pity grew inside of me.

Everyone from our band was already here, except for Lirit, I had no idea of where she was, or where she could might be? Frank and Gerard did not care, which was typically when it was about Lirit; they had already started playing, and I bet that their greedy minds only were hoping for her to quit. Frank was showing the melody for us on the guitar, and trying to instruct our acts in the play.

“See Jacob, you are going to play this, and then this” Frank instructed me on the drums, and then instructed Jerry the same way on the bass.

“What about Lirit then?” I asked him sounding pissed.

“Oh yeah.. Her..” He started sounding annoyed. “Wupsi; think we’d forgotten about her. What a shame.”

He first smirked, and then he couldn’t help but had to laugh, and then Gerard joined him. They showed us the song with Gerard’s singing, when suddenly Lirit slammed the door open into the room.

“I’m so sorry for being late” Lirit excused herself.

“You better be,” Frank mumbled. “What took you so damn long? Either you stay away or you..”

“I had important things to do.” She interrupted not caring a bit for him. “Things that guys like you, jerks, would never ever understand”

Her voice was teasing and pleasant when she said the last sentence. She had bowed down so she was now facing Frank sitting on the loudspeaker. Everyone in the room was shocked, simply all of us; Jerry, Gerard, Frank and even me! She had finally fought back.

“Like?” Frank finally replied after a little while of shock.

“Morals,” Lirit answered.

She walked across the room down to the drums and handed me some papers. I quickly took a look at them, and I knew right away what it was.

“We haven’t time for love letters,” Frank said and raised his left eyebrow at us.

“Read it,” Lirit said ignoring Frank.

“I said that we did not have the time for that!”

Frank was now yelling. He got up and tried to look dangerous, but she kept ignoring him which annoyed him like hell.

I unfolded the papers. Lirit kept looking at me with a smile. I started reading it. It was simply amazing; it was exactly what I had expected. She had done it again. I was completely amazed, and even though I knew whom it was about, I couldn’t help but love it. It was a song, and this far one of the best she had written for a very long time. Anger was blessed in such situations.

“It is perfect!” I yelled and jumped up.

The chords, tabs and nodes were all here, and I could already hear the song playing in my ears.

“Excuse me, but what the fuck is going on?!” Frank yelled freaking out due to the lack of attention he had just experienced.

“Something that will kick your ass!” I yelled.

I had been waiting all year to finally being able of saying so. Corrections; I had been waiting ever since I met that jerk the first time, and I knew that he had stolen my dear Lirit’s poor heart.

“I wrote a song,” Lirit said all sweetly. “For our band. For the competition.”

Frank and Gerard were pissed. Especially Frank. His head was glowing and fire was almost coming out of his ears. He started yelling about him and Gerard writing a song, that it was their duty, and not hers to decide it. I started complaining, and I told about the song, that it was hell of a good song, but Frank just grabbed the papers and ripped it in thousands little pieces right in front of our eyes. I could see right away on Lirit that it broke her heart. She was sad; depressed, but she could not say a word. Too weak.

“End of discussion,” He then said with a provocative tone.

“You can’t do that, you shitface!” I yelled at Frank and got close to him – Ready for the kill.

“You see,” He started. “I have just done it, haven’t I?”

He had just pulled the tricker which he should never have done. My fists tightened, my veins were pumping the adrenalin through my entire body. My fist was now glowing and hot and had just been thrown into a major punch smashing into his hideous jaw.

The shock washed over Frank when he fell backwards and one of his teeth loosened and flew through the air. I think the shock itself flushed down all of them. But Frankie boy was quick, damn he was quick. He got onto his feet right away and we got into a fight. A bloody one.

Lirit was the first one who tried to break it. She yelled at us to stop again, but I was fighting for her, and the fight wasn’t done yet. Shortly after Gerard and Jerry tried to help her; Gerard grabbed Frank, but even though the size difference between the two of them was significant, it was not easy for him to handle Frank. Jerry tried to take care of me, but I was angry and the adrenalin wasn’t going to stop rushing yet. Lirit went in between the two of us and tried to handle it from there, but Frank got free of Gerard’s grip and was right back into my face again with a hard punch which broke my nose. I fell backwards and if it hadn’t been for Jerry, I would have landed right onto the drums.

The next thing I saw was Lirit flying through the air and landed on top of Frank. She literally hopped onto his back punching him right into his face times after times. He tried to get her off immediately, and Gerard joined him in the fight, but she wouldn’t let go off of him that easily.

“I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU FUCKING SHITFACE!” She screamed still punching, kicking and hitting him.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU CRAZY BITCH!” Frank snarled still trying to fight her off.

“NOT UNTIL YA FUCKING DIE” Lirit screamed and punched him once again.

This time a crush was heard and I could hear Frank scream. He screamed like a fucking chick. I could also see the red blood splatter around and onto her fist, and at times I could smell a breeze of the salty blood.

Then Gerard grabbed her from behind holding her arms tight onto her body while she was still fighting. She kept struggling. Frank turned around to face her, and probably also to punch her one right in the face, and so he did. I could hear the slam from where I stood, and I cold nothing do, I was still in Jerry’s arms and it was too late. He had hit her right by her right eye and the blood was bursting out from her eyebrow. The anger got me once again, but by the time I was just in the near of him, she had already kicked him in the balls from where she was being held.

Frank fell right onto the floor and cramped in pain. I couldn’t help but let out a superior laugh. By the time Lirit had also gotten out of Gerard’s grab and she had then kicked Frank in his stomach while lying down.

“Fucking fag” She exclaimed.

The door then slammed open. It was Noah standing in the door. His face expression was shocked and he seemed quite speechless.

“What in the world is going on in here?!” He yelled.

“She’s.. She’s crazy!” Frank yelled pointing at Lirit. “She did all of this without any reason!”

“No I did not!” Lirit replied. “He was the one starting it all he didn’t..”

“All of you at the principal’s office!” Noah yelled. “NOW!”

I could not believe it! We were all sent to the principal’s office for something Frank goddamn Iero had begun! I was so angry and quite upset, but when I thought of what had just happened here, I relaxed. We had finally done what we should have done in years; we had put Frank back on his place.

When we got into the office our principal looked confused at us and asked; “That many?” when he saw us. He had rolled around in his king size chair and had looked suspicious at all of us. Frank had started complaining from the beginning about us, how terrible we were and how cruel we had been to them in an unfair fight. The principal, ‘Smith’, got up and stood right in front of me and then asked me for my version of the story. I told him the truth about him being an annoyingly little prick and that I had punched him when he had ripped the song into pieces and so on. Smith had just nodded and then he had said;

“Young people nowadays! I do not want to see any of you for the rest of the day! And you, Jacob, you know that I have to expel you for the next couple of days, since you were the first one to throw a punch in this fight,”

I just nodded at him, ‘cause I knew that it would come sometime. I had thrown the first punch, and I didn’t regret it, hell no, ‘cause it felt just too good. Then I grabbed Lirit’s hand, she looked at me with a smile; I replied with a warm and gently smile and then lead her out of the school property. Together we ran back home at mine.

We got into my room. I stood and glared at her for a while. How beautiful she now looked, I felt it as if I was melting inside; the love took over me, and out of nowhere, I kissed her. I held her tightly and closely into me and kissed her roughly – Seconds before she broke it.

“Woah, what was that for?” She asked confused and a bit nervous.

“I love you” I answered.

She froze at the place in shock.

“I have done ever since I met you!” I started and continued; “I cannot stand another day without you, you know that every time I see you I melt inside, that every time that I touch you, you make my stomach tickle. Every time I am near you I feel amazed and I have to fight against the actions of kissing you. Every single second I am struggling against it. I can no longer hold it back, ‘cause all the time I feel like a Roxette song, goddamn, you see, every time you leave the room I feel like I am fading like a flower!”

I could have been going on for ages, but I then realized the emptiness in her eyes. A tear running down her cheek; she had begun to cry.

“Lirit,” I started – She ran out of the room. “I’m sorry..”