Collision

Brendon and Ryan have been arguing all day. Brendon just won’t stop yelling at Ryan. It’s been hours now and still the arguing has not stopped. They are in the car now and it’s raining hard. The sky is dark but they are almost back to their apartment. “I’m so fucking tired of your bullshit Ryan! Just get over yourself. You always want people to feel bad for you. Who cares if your dad used to abuse you? Just get over it already! Stop crying to me about having nightmares and being depressed. Just stop Ryan! I don’t know how much more of this I can take! Damn it!” Brendon yells.

“I’m sorry Bren,” Ryan mumbles in response, tears streaming down his pale face.

“I do everything for you Ryan and what do I get in return? You’re an ass! I can’t stand you anymore! I should have broken up with you a long time ago. I tried to make you happy Ryan but I’m done trying. What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know…” Ryan shrugs.

“You keep saying you want to kill yourself well maybe I should just kill us both right now? How would you like that Ryan? Would you like it if I just crash into this telephone pole? This is all your fault!”

Everything that happens next happens fast. Brendon turns and the car starts speeding. The telephone pole is so close they hit it before Ryan can do anything at all. He is thrown with the momentum but his seat belt is on. He turns towards Brendon and he’s not moving, covered in blood. He hit the windshield because he forgot to put his own seat belt on.

Ryan has never been in a car accident and he doesn’t know what to do so he acts on impulse. He throws the car door open and runs outside away from the car. He runs away from Brendon and he sobs harder than he ever has in his life. Someone stops their car and asks him if he’s okay. He shakes his head. He is definitely not okay. Nothing is okay.

“Should I call the police?” the stranger asks and he nods. He can’t catch his breath and his chest hurts.

“Oh my God…Oh my God…” he mumbles. This cannot be real. This can’t be happening.

The police arrive and they are asking him questions. Brendon’s body is limp and lifeless as they drag it away on an ambulance. This is all his fault. He’s alive and Brendon is gone. His own boyfriend crashed their car on purpose, threatening to kill them both, because he was so angry at him. He’s alive but maybe he shouldn’t be. Maybe he should have died. He talks a lot about killing himself but he never actually wanted to die, he just wanted to live better. This isn’t better. This is definitely worse.

“It’s okay. It was an accident,” a police officer tells him.

He nods. “It was an accident.”

This is unreal. When he got into the car today he had no idea just how fast his life would change. Now he is standing here crying, shivering, getting soaked with cold rain. Brendon is gone and it’s all his fault. Brendon’s words and this crash will haunt him for the rest of his life.