Fantasy Lies Beyond the Reach of Time

We sat in the emergency ward for three hours. The guys and I were wait on news of Jimmy. I called the EMTs as soon as I read the letters. The tears still leaked from my eyes when they broke down the door and found Jimmys body. I stood up and paced a little. They said to expect the worse. I didn't know if I could say goodbye just yet, or ever for that matter. Sobs wracked through my body and I wrapped my arms around me to contain myself.

"Hey it's gonna be okay Blaire," Matt said taking me into his arms.

"Matt, I don't think I can say goodbye I did it once I don't wanna do it again," I sobbed into his chest.

"I don't wanna do it either but we have to stay strong for Jimmy, he's gonna make it," he tried to console me. I cried harder.

"I'm scared," I whispered to him.

"I know Hun, me too," he said kissing my head. He brought me back to my seat and we sat there. He held my hand while I cried and held my stomach. We sat around for another hour and a half and we still didn't have any word. I was getting really scared now. Matt stood up and went over to the nurses station.

"Hi, um I was wondering if you could tell me anything on Jimmy Sullivan?" he asked.

"I'm sorry you're going to have to talk to his doctor," she said.

"Where is his doctor,"

"He'll be out in a minute,"

"Okay thnk you," Matt said flashing her a dimpled smile.

He came over and sat next to me again. He smiled at me and I didn't even try to return it. The doctor came out at that moment.

"Are you guys here for Mr. Sullivan?" he asked. We nodded and stood up. "Okay right now he's sleeping but he's in critical condition. We need ot keep him for a few days to make sure he's okay and for a suicidal watch. If he does it again he's going to be put in a ward. He cut some magor veins and lost a lot of blood, like a few liters. They were infected but we got the infection out. We gave him what he needed and he's very weak so he won't be waking up for a few hours, so if you guys want to go home we will take care of him," He said walking over to the nurses station.

"Doctor can I see him?" I ask before he walked away.

"Yes but be careful," he said sternly. I quickly made my way down the hall to his room. I opened the door. He sat there propped up against the pillows. His eyes were closed and he was completely still. He was deathly pale and I wondered if this was what it looks like to be dead.

"Hey Jimmy, It's Blaire," I started off. I sounded stupid doing this but I needed to talk. "You scared the shit out of me. I thought I lost you," I said taking his hand. "I was scared I had to say goodbye again. The first time was bad enough, and I didn't think I could do it again. Baby what the hell was going through your brain? I read the letters. All of them. I have so many questions. I don't know what I would do without you. You're my lover and my life. But mostly you're my best friend and I really can't lose you, not again. What about our baby? What about our life? Why were you going to give that up?" I sobbed clutching his hand. "All I want to know is why," I mumbled. I sat down in the chair next to his bed, defeated. "Babe if you go, I go. If you jump, I jump," I said kissing his knuckles. I sat there with him for a little while before I went back out.

They guys said what they had to and I was hesitating on giving them the letters. I thought they need to read them.

"Wait guys," I said. They turned to look at me. I handed them the letters. "Jimmy wrote them to you guys," he said. They nodded and walked away. Matt decided to stay with me. The rest went hme to their girls.