Back For Good

Jonathan looked around the packed downtown Winnipeg nightclub. Scantily clad girls shaking it for any man that would pay attention, wasted 20-something year old guys creeping on the most vulnerable-looking girls in the room. Some things never change.

His best friends dragged him out tonight. He knew the drill; he’d get them up to the front of the line, and the bouncers would immediately recognize him and let them all in for free. They’d be given a VIP booth, and he would leave his credit card at the bar to start a tab. Then his friends would go up to groups of hot girls and ask them if they knew who Jonathan Toews was, if they said ‘yes’, great. If they said ‘no’? Even better. His friends would invite them to party in their booth and the rest of the night would be spent downing bottles of vodka, taking shots, with each one of his friends securing a hot piece to take home for the night.

Not Jonathan, though. No, he wasn’t into that. He didn’t care for any of those nameless girls at the club. Don’t get him wrong, they were hot and boy were they willing. Only problem was - they weren't her. He couldn’t care less about the fact that every girl in the room would kill to spend a night with him. He only wanted her.

Problem was, he couldn’t have her ...she was already someone else’s.

A day didn’t go by that he didn’t think about her. It had been months since she’d walked out him. A day didn’t go by that he didn’t beat himself up for not running after her.

He was thankful that hockey kept him distracted for the most part, and being in Chicago, 700 miles away was helpful. But there was something about being back in Winnipeg for the summer that made his heart long for her even more than usual.

He’d been back home all but three days and already he’d gone to her favourite restaurant four times. Each time praying that maybe, just maybe, she would be there. He just wanted to see her. See her gorgeous smile again, and hear her laughter that was music to his ears. He missed the feeling of her skin under his fingertips, the smell of her favourite perfume on her neck, the sweet taste of cherry flavoured chap stick that her lips were never without...

Jonathan was brought back to reality by his friend shoving a shot glass in his face. “Drink up, bro!”

Without a second thought, he downed the dark coloured liquid, feeling the burn as it coated the back of his throat. He set the shot glass down on the small table in front of him and before he knew it, another one was being shoved towards him.

He held up the shot glass as the group toasted to something he didn’t quite hear, he shrugged, not particularly caring anyhow, and downed the syrupy liqueur.

A few more shots were passed around and Jonathan found himself satisfyingly buzzed. His eyes travelled over the crowd. He felt his heart sink into his stomach when he saw a brunette that he thought for a split second was her, but as his eyes followed her through the crowd, he quickly realized that his mind was playing tricks on him.

He hated what she was doing to him. He was miserable. Utterly, utterly miserable. He briefly considered playing eenie meenie minie moe and picking a girl and just taking her back to his condo for the night. Anything to numb the pain that was currently exploding in his chest.

A voice in his head kept telling him that he was stupid for continuing to pine for her knowing full well that she had already moved on, but then on the other side, there was the much louder voice that kept telling him that he could win her back.

He fished his iPhone out of his pocket and brought up his contacts list. Scrolling down the list, he stopped at her name. Never a fan of drunk dialling, he contemplated his actions for a second. She had a boyfriend. She’d already moved on. How would he feel if the tables were turned? He chewed the inside of his cheek as he attempted to silently talk himself out of it. Fuck it. He swiped the pad of his thumb over her name and pulled up her number. He smiled as he looked at her contact picture. A self-taken picture she took of the two of them sharing a kiss. God, he ached for her.

He was one click away from dialling her number. One click away from hearing her voice. One click away from convincing her to come back to him. As his thumb hovered dangerously over her phone number, he was interrupted by one of his friends with a slap on the shoulder. He couldn’t press the lock button fast enough; he knew he was caught.

“Jonny, what the fuck, bro. What, were you seriously going to call her?”

Jonathan didn’t reply. He kept his eyes focussed on a spot on the table before him, facial features hard as stone.

“Jonny, she’s got a boyfriend. Don’t fuck with that shit, man.”

Again, he didn’t say anything. What do they know...they don’t know shit.

“Jon, look at all these fine ladies. Pick any one. Any two. Shit, any five. They’re ready, willing and able, man.”

Jonathan watched out of the corner of his eye as his friend pulled a blonde down onto his lap and attempted to introduce her to him. He politely shook her hand as he felt her undressing him with her eyes. “Nice to meet you...” he said. She opened her mouth about to say something, but he cut her short by standing up. He patted his friend on the shoulder, and walked out of the booth towards the back of the club.

He walked down a hallway towards a door that he knew lead to the fenced in area where all the smokers congregated. Thankfully, because the club was twenty minutes from closing, there were only a handful of people here.

He made his way towards the fence that faced the street, keeping his head down as he walked by the few smokers that huddled together in the chilly night air.

He found an overturned plastic crate to use as a makeshift stool and sat down. He ran his hand down his face and took a deep breath. Pulling out his iPhone, he unlocked it and pulled up her number once again. This time, without hesitating, he dialled her number. Putting the phone to his ear, he took another steadying breath.

Ring ... Ring... Ring...Ring...Ring...

Just as he was about to give up and hang up, he heard her pick up.

“Hello?” her voice groggy. Feeling like an idiot, he mentally slapped himself. It was nearly 2:30 in the morning. Of course she would be sleeping.

“...Hello?” she asked again, slight confusion in her tone.

Her voice. There went that ache in his chest again. God, he missed her.

“Hey...” he prayed to God she didn’t hang up on him.

“...Jon?”

“...Yeah.”

“W-what...why are you calling me?”

Now or never, Toews. Now or never.

“I miss you. I’ve been missing you.”

“Jon...—“

“No, let me finish.” He paused and looked around to see if anyone was within earshot. Much to his surprise, he was the only one there. “I can’t stop fucking thinking about you. I go to bed thinking about you and when I wake up, I think about you...”

“Jonathan, have you been drinking?” her voice was soft and she had that soothing tone that would make you forget all your problems in a second.

“Yeah...but that’s not why I’m saying this—“

“Jon, I—“

“I know, I know, you’re with someone. You know what? Fuck him. He’s not right for you. I know I fucked up, but baby I’m right for you. Not him.”

She sighed into the phone, “I don’t know what to say...”

Jonathan closed his eyes tightly, “Tell me you still think about me too. Tell me you still care...” he didn’t care that he sounded needy. He needed her.

She didn’t answer him, but he could hear her quiet sniffles on the other end of the phone. She was crying. He felt like punching himself in the face, but he couldn’t back-track now.

“Please don’t try and tell me that you don’t because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have answered the phone...”

Still, she said nothing. He realized that his actions and words could end up having him crash and burn but she had to know.

“...please say something..?” he begged.

He heard her sniffle again, “I miss you too...”

Jonathan pumped his fist in the air as he felt a weight lift off his chest.

“Can I see you? I mean, your boyfriend’s not around, right? He can’t be, if you’re on--”

“Jon, there’s no boyfriend...”

His jaw dropped. Was he dreaming?

“There’s no...”

“No boyfriend, Jon. Not for a while...”

He silently thanked God. This all had to be happening for a reason, right?

“Baby, I have to see you”

“I’d like that.” Her voice was just above a whisper.

Jonathan couldn’t get out of the club fast enough. He settled his tab at the bar before finding his friends. He was their ride tonight, but there was no way he was wasting another second. A second he could be spending with her.

He found his friends and gave them his credit card. Told them to get a cab, limo, whatever. He didn’t care. He just needed to get to her.

He sped through the city, mind reeling. He couldn’t believe it. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. In a matter of minutes, he would be face to face with her. What would he say? Talking to her over the phone was one thing, but to physically have her in front of him...Lord have mercy.

He put his truck in park and hastily jogged to the apartment entrance. Punching in the suite number on the key pad, he waited for her to buzz him up. After what felt like ages, the door buzzed, allowing him access into the building.

He got into the elevator and pressed the button to her floor. His heart was beating so loud it was deafening. As the elevator dinged on each floor on the way up, he got more and more anxious. He tapped his foot impatiently. Just a few more seconds .... a few more seconds and she’s yours ...

Finally after what felt like an hour, the elevator doors opened. He squeezed through the doors before they fully opened and speed walked to her door. Making the trek down the hallway that he had walked down countless times in the past brought back a flood of memories.

He got to her door and took a deep steadying breath. He brought his fist up to the door and knocked three times. His ears perked up when he heard the soft click of the door lock. Nothing could have prepared him for the wave of emotion that washed over him as the she opened the door. There she stood, wearing a pair of yoga pants and a UofM hoodie. Nothing fancy, no makeup, hair thrown up in a bun, but to Jon, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

She gave him a small smile, “Hi...” her voice just as small.

Jonathan let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, “Jesus....”

She smiled again, looking down at the floor, “Do you...um...I mean...come in...?”

Jonathan happily obliged. She opened the door wider so he could come in, then closing it behind him.

When she turned around, he hadn’t moved an inch. After months upon months of being apart, there they now stood, mere inches separating them. She looked up at him, those big brown eyes of hers making his heart want to jump right out of his chest. She opened her mouth about to say something, but he found his voice and blurted out “I love you”. Not the most romantic approach, but he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

She smiled, keeping her eyes fixed on his chest. When she looked up at him again, he could see the tears that were beginning to well up in her eyes. Her pretty, pretty eyes. “I—“

Jonathan couldn’t hold back another moment, he closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to hers. Automatically his eyes closed. It felt so perfect, so right, so everything he remembered it to be…

…And more.

God, it was amazing.

Her hands slid up his chest, around his neck, her fingers gently pulling at his short hair. At that moment, he knew he had done the right thing. A noise escaped him, throaty and deep. He wanted her so badly, so desperately.

His own hands moved down from her neck, smoothing down her rib cage, all the while their mouths meshing so passionately that the room heated up. He couldn’t kiss her hard enough. Fast enough. No matter what he did, it wasn’t enough.

He grabbed her hips and lifted her up, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. He pulled away from their kiss momentarily, both of them struggling to catch their breath.

He closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure, “Baby—“

She put both hands on his face and gently kissed his lips, silencing him, “I love you” she whispered.

Effortlessly holding her up with one arm, he moved his other hand up and pulled her towards him and kissed her with everything he had. He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, “You’re it for me. You’re it...” he breathed.

Her smile could have lit up the room. The city even. She dipped her head down and met his eagerly awaiting lips once again.

He carried her down the familiar hallway that led to her bedroom. With a single look, he knew. This was it. The long haul. Just the two of them.

Fin.