Seashells

June 22nd, 2007

I was so happy to go back to the island. It was absolutely ridiculous.

"Cass, sit still," my mom said.

"What?" I said, because before she had mentioned it, I didn't notice that I was bouncing in my seat. "Oh. Sorry."

"She's just too excited about something," Austin said. I glared at him. "What? It's just the truth. Next thing you know, she'll be popping out babies."

"Austin," my dad said in his warning tone.

"What? I tell the truth. Everyone knows what's going on here. Cass is totally in love."

"No," I said.

"Okay, I'll just tell Aden you don't love him at all then."

"No, don't," I said.

"So do you love him or not?" Austin asked. I knew he really didn't care, and he was just doing it to torture me. So I just didn't answer. I didn't know how to answer that correctly, anyway. I wasn't in love with you yet... and it's not like I didn't love you at all. I don't know, it was so confusing.

No one said anything until we got off the ferry and I managed to sit still for the remainder of the trip. Actually, I zoned out and was thinking about orange soda or some shit like that.

We got to the island and to our house. We passed by your house to get to ours and I saw you outside along with Sim and Matt. Matt was sitting in the tire swing and Sim was pushing him. You were standing against the tree and laughing.

I really wanted to get out of the car right then and just run to you guys. But I knew we had to prepare our house for the summer. I shoved my clothes in drawers and threw my shoes in the closet as fast as I could. Then I fixed my hair and calmly told my mom I was going out, while I was really freaking out on the inside. This would be the first time I saw you again since you kissed me. I wondered if you would do it again anytime soon (I hoped so).

When I walked down the street, the first thing I heard was, "That was not cool!" coming from Matt. When I turned the corner, I saw that he was on the ground and you and Sim were laughing hysterically.

"What's going on?" I said.

"Cassie!" Sim said, jumping over Matt and running to me. She gave me a huge hug and I almost toppled over.

"Hi Sim," I said.

"Cassie baby, help me up," Matt said from the ground. "This bitch pushed me off the swing."

"I told you to hold on," Sim said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, but you pushed like you were giving birth."

That was when I got that warm happiness that came from calling these people my friends. You were still standing by the tree, and you smiled at me. I had no idea what to say, so I smiled back.

"You look like you want to jump his bones, Cass," Sim said to me.

"Been there, done that," Matt said, finally getting up by himself. "Don't do it, he sucks. And not in a good way."

We all laughed and that definitely broke the tension. You greeted me and suggested we go inside your house and do something else. There really wasn't much to do, so we basically raided your fridge. When we were done, we decided to play a game because we were that bored. We looked in your overstuffed closet and found a game of Apples to Apples.

"Winner gets a kiss from me," Matt said.

"That kinda makes me want to play even less," you said.

"Oh, I hope you win, Aden."

Now, that was definitely interesting. We didn't even play by the rules and there was definitely some bribery of the judges going on.

"Aden, pick my card and I'll suck your dick!" Matt said at one point.

"Well, when you put it that way..." you said. "I'll take it into consideration." He didn't win in the end, because you picked Sim's card. The word was "sexy" and she put down "plumber's crack". Which is obviously sexy.

We laughed like idiots over the course of the game. I kept sneaking peeks at you, and I caught you looking back at me. But I couldn't help it, okay? You were different than the last time I saw you, in a good way. Your voice was a bit deeper, and you just looked more... attractive. Guess someone hit puberty, huh?

In the end, me, you, and Sim were all tied and it was Matt's turn to judge. The word was "ridiculous". I don't remember what your card was or what Sim put down, but I remember mine. I won with "women's rights".

"There is nothing truer than that," Matt said. "You win, Cassie."

"I always knew I would," I said.

"You know what that means!"

"No!" I said, scrambling to get away.

"No, come back! I know you want a great big kiss from Mattie!"

"I'll take it if she doesn't," Sim said.

"No, I'm second in line for that," you said as you two watched me run.

Matt eventually cornered me when I failed to jump over the couch properly. And yes, he did give me a great big kiss. Everyone was quiet in that awkward silence kind of way, until I screamed, "HERPES!"

We laughed at that and then we calmed down and decided to order a pizza because we were fat asses like that. Sim was the one to make the phone call while Matt made a list of what toppings he wanted (which happened to be everything on the menu). While they were in the kitchen, I was alone with you on the couch. I shifted in my seat to move a little bit closer to you, trying to make it look casual.

"No, I don't want your herpes," you said to me.

"Oh please, if anything, you already have it."

You didn't say anything, you just looked at me. And just from your eyes I could tell what you were feeling. You were never really good at hiding things (but I was never really good at reading expressions, so it kind of cancelled out). I could tell you weren't as happy as you were when I arrived.

Did you not like the fact that Matt kissed me, even though it was a joke? Or was it just that you lost interest? It was six months since I saw you in January. Did you find someone else? Or did you just see me differently?

"Hey, we have to go pick up our order," Sim said, walking back into the living room. She pulled on her shoes. "Let's go, I'm not walking there by myself. I'm gonna get raped or something."

You got up right away, not looking at me again. I was a bit slower, just staring at nothing in particular before getting up. For the rest of the night, you acted... different. Maybe you were just tired, but Matt and Sim acted perfectly normal. I felt like it was something between us. I just wasn't feeling it. Sure, we talked, but some of that spark was gone, and that scared me. But right before I left your house for the night, you smiled at me. It was your normal, bright smile that indicated that everything was fine.

Sometimes you confused me so much, Aden. And sometimes, I hated you for that.