Sequel: Palm Trees ›
Seashells
didn't really want to ask or know
June 27th, 2008
The next day was a beach day. Nothing special about it, but when you lived on an island, it was something you just had to do. Again, Sim had planned it and Matt wasn't exactly happy about that.
I knew I had to ask you something about this girlfriend of yours, and I knew it had to be soon. I had no idea how, though, and I was tempted to just not say anything. But I knew that would just be hurting myself - and didn't I have a right to know?
We were going to meet at the shack. The disgusting mold-filled shack that nauseated me. It's strange to think that I had a good memory tied to that old thing. Everyone got there as planned. Since it was a beach trip, everyone was there, not just the regular four.
"What are we going to do today?" Des asked.
"Each other, obviously," Halden replied.
"What he said," Matt said. "It should be fun."
"We're going to the rocks, or just around here maybe," Sim said, taking charge like she always loved to. "What do you want to do?"
A huge wave came to the shore at the moment and washed over our feet. "I think we should stay here for a little bit before going to the rocks," I said. "It's nice."
Everyone shrugged and started getting in the water, walking around the beach. I noticed you looking through the sand - for seashells, I figured.
"Cassie," Matt said. "Let's build a sandcastle."
It had been a while since I built an actual sandcastle, and it's not like we had buckets or anything like little kids would. But oh, we built a castle.
"This is ugly as fuck," Des said once we were done.
"Fuck you, it's beautiful," Matt said. "I'd live here if I could."
Des was right - it was pretty ugly. Matt was sitting in the center of it, because we'd dug a huge hole right in the center. That was extremely difficult, because whenever we removed sand, it felt like more would fall in. At least the sand was wet enough to fill the hole with water, because of the whole bucket dilemma.
You came back from your walk then, and came over to look at our castle. Which was basically just walls around a hole. "This is... nice."
"See, he can appreciate the beauty of this," Matt said to Des. "Even though he's the one with no eyes."
You sat down then, next to me, and I noticed you held a seashell in your hand. It was purple, and I remembered what you had told me about that. It felt strange to know that I was so close to you at one point, and now things were just... awkward. It felt like we were moving backwards.
"Guys, let's go to the rocks," Sim said. She had taken a nap on her towel, and Halden was debating on whether to dump sand on her or not. I guess the answer was not, because he was terrified of what she would to do him if he did. At least it was justified.
We all got up except for Matt, who still sat in his little lake in the castle. He didn't get up until Des kicked down one of the walls. That didn't end well.
"Get back here, bitch!" And Matt chased Des all the way to the rocks.
The journey out to the STD rocks was uneventful. Over the years, we'd grown accustomed to this hazardous place, and no one was injured. We got out to the huge flat rock and we all just sat there for a while. I forget what we talked about, but it was nice. Matt and Des made up, and we kind of just talked about trivial things. It was in no way boring, just not significant.
We stayed out there for a pretty long time. The sun was starting to sink in the sky, and that was when we knew it was almost time to go. Everyone got up and started walking around the rocks, looking at this and that. Karen found a dead crab, screamed, and ran. Matt kept poking at some snails.
I figured this was the best time to say something to you, so I gathered up the nerve and just... did it.
"So, getting it in, huh Aden?"
"What?" you said, seemingly snapping out of a daydream. I wondered if you thought about her the way I daydreamed about you so many times in class. It hurt to think of it like that.
"I heard you have a girlfriend."
"Who...? Oh. It was Matt, wasn't it."
"I saw her picture on your phone, so Matt told me who she was."
"Oh," you said, looking uncomfortable. There was a short silence because I thought you were going to say something else, but apparently not.
"So... when were you going to tell me?" I asked.
"I was, Cassie. I was going to tell you," you said, and it seemed like all lies to me. "There just wasn't the right time."
I kind of got that feeling that you get before you're about to cry, except it wasn't that, exactly. Not crying, but just... disappointment. "Didn't you think that of all people, I should know?"
"I didn't want to..." you ran your hand through your semi-wet hair.
"To..."
"I don't know, Cassie. It's all confusing. I can't... hurt her."
"But you can hurt me?"
"You know that's not true, Cassidy. Besides, I don't know if I like this girl that much or not."
I just looked at you. "Then why are you with her?"
"It's complicated," you sighed.
"Then... what about us. Where are we?" I asked the question, and it seemed so familiar yet so foreign to me. At that point, I didn't know what to think. "What is going to happen now?"
"I don't know for sure, but..." You seemed to struggle with your words for a moment. "Things will work out, Cass. They always do."
The next day was a beach day. Nothing special about it, but when you lived on an island, it was something you just had to do. Again, Sim had planned it and Matt wasn't exactly happy about that.
I knew I had to ask you something about this girlfriend of yours, and I knew it had to be soon. I had no idea how, though, and I was tempted to just not say anything. But I knew that would just be hurting myself - and didn't I have a right to know?
We were going to meet at the shack. The disgusting mold-filled shack that nauseated me. It's strange to think that I had a good memory tied to that old thing. Everyone got there as planned. Since it was a beach trip, everyone was there, not just the regular four.
"What are we going to do today?" Des asked.
"Each other, obviously," Halden replied.
"What he said," Matt said. "It should be fun."
"We're going to the rocks, or just around here maybe," Sim said, taking charge like she always loved to. "What do you want to do?"
A huge wave came to the shore at the moment and washed over our feet. "I think we should stay here for a little bit before going to the rocks," I said. "It's nice."
Everyone shrugged and started getting in the water, walking around the beach. I noticed you looking through the sand - for seashells, I figured.
"Cassie," Matt said. "Let's build a sandcastle."
It had been a while since I built an actual sandcastle, and it's not like we had buckets or anything like little kids would. But oh, we built a castle.
"This is ugly as fuck," Des said once we were done.
"Fuck you, it's beautiful," Matt said. "I'd live here if I could."
Des was right - it was pretty ugly. Matt was sitting in the center of it, because we'd dug a huge hole right in the center. That was extremely difficult, because whenever we removed sand, it felt like more would fall in. At least the sand was wet enough to fill the hole with water, because of the whole bucket dilemma.
You came back from your walk then, and came over to look at our castle. Which was basically just walls around a hole. "This is... nice."
"See, he can appreciate the beauty of this," Matt said to Des. "Even though he's the one with no eyes."
You sat down then, next to me, and I noticed you held a seashell in your hand. It was purple, and I remembered what you had told me about that. It felt strange to know that I was so close to you at one point, and now things were just... awkward. It felt like we were moving backwards.
"Guys, let's go to the rocks," Sim said. She had taken a nap on her towel, and Halden was debating on whether to dump sand on her or not. I guess the answer was not, because he was terrified of what she would to do him if he did. At least it was justified.
We all got up except for Matt, who still sat in his little lake in the castle. He didn't get up until Des kicked down one of the walls. That didn't end well.
"Get back here, bitch!" And Matt chased Des all the way to the rocks.
The journey out to the STD rocks was uneventful. Over the years, we'd grown accustomed to this hazardous place, and no one was injured. We got out to the huge flat rock and we all just sat there for a while. I forget what we talked about, but it was nice. Matt and Des made up, and we kind of just talked about trivial things. It was in no way boring, just not significant.
We stayed out there for a pretty long time. The sun was starting to sink in the sky, and that was when we knew it was almost time to go. Everyone got up and started walking around the rocks, looking at this and that. Karen found a dead crab, screamed, and ran. Matt kept poking at some snails.
I figured this was the best time to say something to you, so I gathered up the nerve and just... did it.
"So, getting it in, huh Aden?"
"What?" you said, seemingly snapping out of a daydream. I wondered if you thought about her the way I daydreamed about you so many times in class. It hurt to think of it like that.
"I heard you have a girlfriend."
"Who...? Oh. It was Matt, wasn't it."
"I saw her picture on your phone, so Matt told me who she was."
"Oh," you said, looking uncomfortable. There was a short silence because I thought you were going to say something else, but apparently not.
"So... when were you going to tell me?" I asked.
"I was, Cassie. I was going to tell you," you said, and it seemed like all lies to me. "There just wasn't the right time."
I kind of got that feeling that you get before you're about to cry, except it wasn't that, exactly. Not crying, but just... disappointment. "Didn't you think that of all people, I should know?"
"I didn't want to..." you ran your hand through your semi-wet hair.
"To..."
"I don't know, Cassie. It's all confusing. I can't... hurt her."
"But you can hurt me?"
"You know that's not true, Cassidy. Besides, I don't know if I like this girl that much or not."
I just looked at you. "Then why are you with her?"
"It's complicated," you sighed.
"Then... what about us. Where are we?" I asked the question, and it seemed so familiar yet so foreign to me. At that point, I didn't know what to think. "What is going to happen now?"
"I don't know for sure, but..." You seemed to struggle with your words for a moment. "Things will work out, Cass. They always do."