I'm Choking on This Ecstasy

Jay and Silent Bob soon ended. I got up and walked to the movie cabinet. I stared at the movie case hoping something would pop out at me but nothing. I grabbed my lyric notebook and decided to put in The Breakfast Club on as background noise. I hit half mute as it started.

I lie on the couch scribbling on the top of my new notebook page. I grabbed my acoustic from behind the couch and started strumming random chords. I started playing American Boy by Estelle. I sang along quietly while my head nodded to the beat.

I closed my eyes and thought back to my childhood. I thought of my real family. Like my mom, dad, Jimmy, and my youngest sister. Yes I have a younger sister. She started turning out like me so my mom shipped her off to some boarding school. I’ll give you a simple description of each.

My mother: She’s not my mom and she’ll probably never be. She’s controlling, rude and narrow minded. Anyone that isn’t like her, or has the same mind set might as well not exist (that’s why me and Jimmy lived with our grandparents.). She was never always like that though.

My father: He used to be a great dad but passed away to soon He died when I turned 13 and everything crumbled. He was the reason I loved rock n’ roll and metal and all of that. He was also the reason on how I learned to play guitar. He used to be my rock.

My sister: She’s great and writes to me whenever she gets a chance. She was only 9 when our father died and 14 when our mother got remarried. She’s basically just like me but more quiet. She’s a guitarist just like me and our dad. She is now the only family I have besides Jimmy.

I would explain Jimmy but you guys already no about him.

I brought up my most fondest, last memory that involved my dad:

I sat on the swings of the swingset in our backyard and drug my toes around in the dirt. My dad soon walked out the front door still in his suit and talking on his phone. He looked angry but so sad at the same time. His conversation soon came to an end.

He cursed, shoved his phone in his pocket and looked up,”Boo bear, what are you doing out here?”

“Just trying to get away from mom’s tyranny,” I sighed.

“Oh it can’t be that bad,”he said coming over and sitting in the swing next to me. I remember thinking it was funny a full grown man, in a suit sitting on a small scrunched up swing seat.

“She’s trying to get me to learn classical music and I don’t even want to,”I said.

“Well you must of guessed this was gonna happen since you decided to learn piano,”he replied.

“Ya but I’d rather learn something that wasn’t composed by dead white guys,”I said.

“So you’d rather learn something that was composed by dead black guys?”he asked sarcastically.

“No,”I said letting out a small giggle,”I don’t want to learn anything by any dead guy or girl.”

“Well I’d offer to teach you something but I don’t play piano,”he responded.

“Did you ever play anything?”I asked.

“Ya I used to and still play a little bit of guitar,”he said.

”How come you never played for us?”

“How bout I play for you tonight?”he asked.

“Really?”I asked excited.

“Of course,”He responded,”for bedtime I’ll play for you.”

I was about to respond when my mother yelled out that dinner was ready. My dad stood up and pulled me up onto his back. I laughed as he raced inside. My mother laughed at our “childishness” as she called it.

I raced through dinner, being asked multiple time by my mother to slow down. I slowed down as my dad chuckled at me and my eagerness. I offered to wash the dishes after dinner so that she wouldn’t be suspicious of my haste. I ran up the stairs and to the bathroom and quickly showered. I got dressed and quickly ran to my room.

My dad was waiting there with a chair pulled up to my bed. I quickly slid myself under the covers and tucked myself in. He pulled out his guitar from the case that lie right by my bed. He pulled it up and started strumming, playing a slightly familiar tune. It was an acoustic version of Aerosmith’s Dream On, he started singing to it. He didn’t match pitch perfect but it was pretty darn close.

Dream On, morphed into one song and then into the next. I soon fell asleep. A few days later he got me a guitar and started teaching me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Memory 1/Begining of Memory 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat on my bed strumming my new acoustic. I heard shouting coming from downstairs. It was another fight my mom and dad were having. It was most likely about my brother and how he’s been slacking in school and basically life. My dad is always on my brothers side saying that kids should be kids. My mom is always screaming on how we are supposed to be perfect little angels. They we can’t hear.

I heard my dad scream,”FINE I’M LEAVING!”

“GOOD!,”my mom shouted back. The door slammed and I quickly set down my guitar. I ran down the steps quietly and peaked around the corner. I saw my mom sitting by the wall, knees to her chest and sobbing into her hands.

I walked up and wrapped my arms around her asking,”What happened?”

“Nothing hunny,”she said in a patronizing tone,”go back up to bed and I’ll see you in the morning.”

All I did was nod. I walked up the stairs and into my room. I could hear the bass from my brothers stereo system. All I could think of was my dad and how he said he was leaving. I woke up extra early that morning to see if my dad was sleeping on the couch like usual. He wasn’t but there was a note:

Dear Boo,
If you’re reading this then either I have left or am dead, most likely I left. I will always love you, your mom, your sister and your brother. Never doubt that I didn’t love you. You and Jimmy now have to help out. I’ll miss you guys wherever I’m going or headed. Remember shoot for the moon.
-Love Dad

I cried for hours after that. Jimmy soon came down and tried to pull me into a hug. I punched his chest, cried and yelled at him that it was his fault for all of this. I remained angry at him for the following few weeks. I ignored him or called him names.

My dad never did return but he did send the divorce papers to my mom, he sent birthday and Christmas cards. Once my dad left my mom turned into a royal bitch.

About a year and a half later we got a call from the police notifying that he was dead. It tore all of us apart. Me and Jimmy rebelled even more and our mom got even more pissed and our sister was stuck in the middle.

Soon after the funeral we were sent to southern California to live with our grandparents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of memories~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I opened my eyes to see DJ sitting on my stomach and watching some movie. I groaned and wiggled. He didn’t notice. I started rolling to try and get him off of me.
I finally yelled,”DJ get your fat ass off of me!”

He jumped and said,”Oh sorry.”

He stood up and I curled my legs up into my body. I grabbed my notebook and began writing. I don’t know what I was writing. I soon closed my notebook getting frustrated. I set it write under my guitar. I stretched out and put my legs across DJ’s lap.

“So what are we doing when we get there?”I asked.

“Well we have a meeting,”he answered vaguely.

“A meeting for what?”I asked.

“Well we’re meeting the bands, the photographers, the crew and the managers,”DJ responded.

“Ah so what bands are gonna be there?”I asked.

“You’ll see,”he sang teasingly.

“Wait,”I said,”so they let you know but not me?”

“Of course, the trust me not to go all ‘OHH EMM GEE’ over the bands,”he said.

“You’re an asshole,”I said.

“Sue me,”he retorted.

Nikki walked in pulling a shirt over his head,”Why are you guys arguing now?”

“He won’t tell me who’s gonna be there and the websites are blocked and won’t load on my phone or computer,”I said.

Nikki looked over at DJ and said,”Good job for not telling,”and then he walked out.

“You guys suck,”I said pouting.

Nikki poked his head back in,”We should be at the hotel soon.”

“So we aren’t going there directly?”I asked.

“No, we’re all meeting up tomorrow which reminds me,”he said,”you need a dress.” DJ, being the ass he is, laughed at my misfortune.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,”I growled.

“No,”Nikki said,”so you and the other Nikki are going shopping tomorrow.”

“Well I need a guys opinion so can I bring Bill?”I asked.

“Um how about you take DJ instead,”Nikki said,”Bill isn’t feeling to well.”

“What!”DJ yelled.

“That will be super,”I said.

I picked up my stuff and went to my bunk. I opened up my laptop and decided to video call the BVB guys. It took a few minutes but soon only Jake and Ashley showed up.

“Hey,”I said waving,”where’s Jinxx and CC?”

“Jinxx is out with Sammi,”Ashley said,”and CC is somewhere scaring small children.”

“NO I’M NOT,”I heard a voice shout and soon CC’s head appeared.

“How’s my favorite BVB member,”I asked.

“Good,”they all replied.

“I was talking about CC but okay,”I joked.

“Ouch Vee that really hurt,”Ashley said holding his chest, where his heart should be.

“You know I love you guys all equally,”I said. In the background I heard one of the doors close and a voice shout out.

“Oh shit,”Jake said.

“Wait, what’s wrong?”I asked.

“Andy just got home,”Jake said, and with that Andy walked through the door. I only saw a glimpse of his face because I quickly ended the video call.

I got a text from Jake a few seconds later;

From Jake:
That was overly close.

I replied;

To Jake:
I know I was freaking
out I never got to say
bye and I’ve got to go
to bed :(

From Jake:
Nighty night don’t let
the bed bugs bite.

To Jake:
Nighty night Jakey.

I closed my phone and slid into a deep sleep.