Transparent

From my window I watch the family frolic below like they don’t have a single care in the world. Lace is pushing around the youngest in the water. Kory kicks his legs, screams and giggles madly as he splashes in the sparkling water. Donald stands at the grill and cooks while Harper is planning a mischievous attack.

Nancy is unaware of her son. She is lounging in a lawn chair getting a…if I remember correctly they call it a tan. She doesn’t notice him walk up too her lawn chair until it’s too late. Nancy screams. Harper howls with laughter and manages to toss his mother and himself into the pool.

Out of the blue something foul makes it way up my throat. I gently press my fingers to my neck and swallow hard. The taste refuses to leave.

I’m beginning to feel…something that I have not felt in a long time. How long has it been? I can no longer remember.

This foul taste in my mouth, I finally recognize it. It’s bitter. I am feeling bitter; sorrow. From what? Oh I can name many reasons.

The biggest being the obvious. Here I am, stuck between life and death. I am left here to wander my own home and watch as one family after the other invade it. They destroy it, change it, change everything that I have known.

Technology advances and here I stay, trapped in time. No one can see me. No one can hear me. No one can help me. Can one blame me for feeling the way I do? It’s understandable.

Soon this bitterness eating away at my stomach turns to anger. I can’t feel sorrow for long. I don’t know how to cope with being sad. I am better at showing my feelings through anger. I naturally turn to being angry.

I begin to blame people. That bitch who made me like this being the main source of the blame. It was she who caused all this. I’m stuck in my own personal hell. I’m forced to stand by and watch as everything I’ve ever known changes around me.

And this…this family that has moved in it’s their fault too. They come into my home and paint my walls, change my room and destroy everything that is mine. How dare they. How dare they!

My fist makes contact with the wall. It shakes against the rough surface and soon I am thrashing about the room, tossing and destroying anything in my sight. I’ll show them. I will do the same to what they own as they did to mine and see just how they cope with it.

“W-What’re you doing?” A voice squeaks from the doorway.

Putting my anger rampage on pause, I turn to face who it is who has spoken to me. It should be obvious considering that there is only one person I have ever met who has had the ability to communicate with me but that doesn’t stop me from checking.

There stands Harper, a towel hanging around his shoulders as his hair and body drips with the remains of the pool water. A pair of green eyes watch me in terror. I take this moment to look at the damage I have done.

The dresser is lying on the floor, every piece of clothing strewn across the floor. The mattress is tipped over, sheets and pillows torn. It looks as if a tornado has gone through and that tornado was me.

“Oz…” Harper calls. His voice causes me to realize he has gotten closer, close enough to touch. When had he…?

Harper, without warning, raises his hand to caress my cheek. I know I have informed everyone of this before, that humans cannot touch me and I cannot touch them but for a moment…just a moment I swore I felt the warmth of his skin against mine.

Without meaning to, my eyes flutter shut at the knowledge of Harper trying to comfort me. He’s trying to touch me and for that moment when I felt his skin I swore I felt my heart beat again.

Wait a moment…eyes fluttering? Heart beating? Am I a woman? I think not.

Gritting my teeth I open my eyes and step away from Harper. He brings his hand back to his chest. The fear that was in his eyes moments before is now gone. It’s replaced with something else…not sympathy but something a bit more meaningful.

Harper bites his lip while saying to me, “It must be lonely…you must be lonely.”

Lonely.

That word strikes a chord in me. Harper must have seen it, the way my face scrunched at the sound of that word. It’s true, no matter how much I want to disagree with it. I am…lonely.

Before Harper can say or do anything more to cause yet another strange reaction within me I slip through the floor. From above I can hear him calling for me but I refuse to go back. My chest still feels heavy from earlier like my heart has somehow returned to me.

But when I throw my hand over my chest and feel no beating I know that it was just an illusion. It was only a wish of mine. It’s not true. It’ll never be true again.