Feelings Need To Be Expressed

Being on tour is fun but hard. It's fun because you get to hang out with your best friends for months at a time, but it's hard because you're away from your family for months at a time.
The hardest thing for me is being on tour and having feelings for your best friend. Everytime I see him my heart drops. He literally takes my breath away. It hurts that he could never see himself with me. He is straight and I'm as gay as they come. I wish I had the confidence to tell him how I feel but I don't, so for now I'll just be his best friend.

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“Zack? You in here?” I heard Alex ask.

It was our day off and I've been in the hotel room all day. I really didn't reel like going outside. My feelings for Alex were just getting out of control. Last night when we were having a few drinks and I nearly told him how I felt. Luckily I realized what I was about to do and I stopped myself. I don't know how I nearly spilled out my deepest darket secret. Something must have came over me.

“There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere,” Alex sighed.

“How did you get in?” I asked curiously. The door was meant to be locked, and Rian was the only other person that had the key to get in.

“Rian gave me the key,” he explained.

I smiled softly at him and nodded my head. He closed the door and came and sat next to me.

“What's going on Z? You've been acting really weird lately. I'm worried about you.”

“Nothing is going on, I promise” I quickly answered.

“Don't lie to me. You are acting really distant lately. I'm worried Zack. This isn't you. You don't like being cooped up in a room all day. You love the outdoors. Talk to me,” Alex finished his rant. You could say I was speechless, but that would be an understatement.

“It's hard though. If I tell you I know you are going to disown me. Everyone will. What I feel isn't normal. I'm not normal,” I explained softly. I looked down at my hands. Sometimes I felt so ashamed of how I felt.

Alex took his hands in my own and lifted my chin up so I could face him.

“Bud, no one is normal. Everyone is unique in their own way. Believe me. Plus, I could never disown you. You're my best friend. You could tell my you wanted to become a cat and I'd still love you.”

I laughed softly at what he said. I guess that was his way of saying he will always be there for me. I guess I could tell him how I have been feeling. Maybe he wouldn't desert me. Just maybe.

“If I tell you, you can't freak out,” I can't believe I am actually about to tell him this. I must be out of my mind.

“I promise I won't,” he smiled softly.

“Okay well, I'm gay and I have known for a while but I guess I was just scared to tell you. I didn't want you to look at me any differently. You're my best friend lex, and I care so much about your opinion. I guess in caring about your opinion I forgot to care about myself.”

Alex looked like he was in deep thought. “There is something else. What else do you have to tell me? And don't hold back.”

“I was kind of hoping you wouldn't notice that I was hiding something else,” I nervously laughed,” I have kind of liked this guy for ages. I don't know if he likes me, because well he is straight. I kind of never had the confidence to tell him face to face,” I finished.

“Who is he?” he asked.

“The guy would be you,” I held my breath as I waited for his response.

“Me? Zacky, really?” he sounded...excited. How could he be excited? Unless he felt the same way, which I highly doubt.

“Why do you sound excited?” I asked.

“Because I like you too, you doofus” he smiled softly and put his hand on my cheek and stroked it softly.

“Really?”

“Yes, I have ever since I met you. I just never though you felt the same way. If I knew you felt that way I would have made a move a long time ago.”

He slowly leaned closer to me and softly kissed me on the lips. I felt the fireworks explode. It was amazing. I had been waiting for this moment ever since I first started to get feelings for Alex. His lips against mine where the place were they belonged. I sound so cliché right now.

“That was amazing, but I have a question for you.”

“Yeah sure, what is it?” I asked.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Yes, of course I will.”