Work in progress

I flung the door open and ran to the library. I wanted to be alone to fall apart in privacy. I wished Rachael were here with me to explain what smack was and what I should do when someone offered it. It felt like my body was falling apart at the seams of my chest and there was this strange ripping noise coming from me. I didn’t understand why I was falling apart when I was out of danger and safe in my home.

For two hours, I sat on the couch in the farthest corner of the library holding my knees to my chest to keep myself from having hysterics. I heard Mom and Rachael come in the front door and set their bags down. I didn’t respond when Rachael went looking for me. I just waited for her to find me; she started in my room, the tree was next, the library was the last place she would look for me. I heard her tramping around in my room from where I was at and closed my eyes, praying she would look faster.

“Gwenie, are you here?” She finally said from the door of the library.

“Rachael!” My voice sounded strangled and it cracked twice.

“Gwenie, which section are you at? I can’t see you from here and Mom thinks you’re up in your room. I get to take lunch to you, but you can’t come to the kitchen with us since you’re still grounded. What’s wrong Gwenie?” Rachael finally gave up waiting for me and searched her section first. I heard her coming to where I was and I cried some more – something I couldn’t help but let out.

“What happened to your arm? Are you okay Gwenie?” She asked me urgently and sat down beside me on the couch.

I explained to her when I found my voice and controlled the hysterics. I finished with asking her the question that seemed the most important to me now. “What’s smack Rachael?”

“Heroin. The most deadly drug there is out there. Don’t ever use it, and I have a book that was a dairy of a girl that was on drugs. Here, lets go, I’ll get it on the way out.” She took my arm and led me to her section of the library. Our feet made a slapping noise as they hit the wooden floor of my sister’s section of the library.

We all had different types of flooring depending on what we liked. I preferred carpet, and since red was my favorite color, that’s what it was. Mom’s section is gray carpet, she says it’s more sensible than red. Rachael loved wood flooring, particularly poplar.

“Here it is Gwenie. I want you to read this book, not to make you stay away from drugs – no one can make you do that – but to show you what happens and what it feels like so that you’re not curious anymore.” She held up a small book, not of average size but smaller. Its title was “Go Ask Alice” and the author was anonymous. I took it from Rachael and her hand to go to my room.

“I have to go eat lunch with Mom. I’ll bring yours up later when I’m ordered to. You might want to start that book to pass the time. See you later Gwenie.” Rachael danced out of my room and down the stairs quickly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
My alarm startled me for two reasons. 1) I was in a deep sleep, and 2) I didn’t set it last night. I muttered angrily at the pillow and rolled over to knock the vibrating annoyance off my dresser – possibly out the window; depending on what time it was – only to see my door creep open. The clock said it was too early to be awake – five o’clock. I glared at the band around my wrist and at Rachael as she entered my room for some unknown reason.
“Good morning Gwenie! I see the alarm woke you up.” She chirped – she’s so in love with mornings that it makes me want to throw up, but right now I wanted to give whoever set my alarm a piece of my mind – as she whipped off my blankets.

“Somebody set my alarm, and I was unaware of it. I was also in a deep sleep and having a good dream.” I snapped and tried to get my comforter back unsuccessfully.

“Sorry Gwenie, but today’s Christmas Eve, remember? And Mom’s going to go to Flagstaff for shopping and errands then she’s going to have tea with the other rich ladies in Sedona. Dad’s at work all day and on overtime until five thirty, Mom says she’ll be back at six. So, we have all day to ourselves. Isn’t that great Gwenie?”

“Are they gone yet?”

“Dad is, Mom’s getting up right now and is taking a shower. She’ll be leaving at six. Why?”

“Couldn’t you let me sleep for another hour? Then Mom will be gone. Why’d you wake me up so early?”

“I thought that we should figure out what we are going to do all day. Any ideas? I was thinking maybe we should go downtown and do some shopping in the town square.”

“Breakfast? I don’t know what I want to do when it’s this early and I’m unfed. What do you want to eat? I’ll get it for you.”

“Cereal, toast, eggs, bacon, and grape juice. Think you can make that without getting caught?” She also did her imitation of Mom giving out orders to compare with how she did it a moment ago. “What do you think? I thought it was pretty realistic.”

“It’s pretty good; maybe you should get into acting instead of being a lawyer. How about cereal, toast, hard-boiled eggs, cold bacon from BLT night three days ago, and grape juice? Does that work for you instead?”

“Whatever, I never said that I wanted everything warm and cooked fresh.”

“Okay, I’ll go get it in a second. Hang on a bit, wait for me to wake up some.”

“Hurry, I’m starving.”

I muttered, crawled off the bed, and went out my window. Halfway down, I remembered that I was supposed to go to the pawnshop today and get the music box. Now I had a reason to go to town, but I couldn’t get the present with Rachael there, so maybe I could have her shop for a dinner that Mom and Dad loved. Their favorite dinner was seafood. I could have Rachael do the grocery shopping.

The refrigerator was filled, but not of what I liked. There was broccoli potato soup, the color of puke-your-guts-out-after-cooked-cabbage-and-spinach. I pushed the container out of the way, reaching for the Tupperware containing twelve boiled eggs from making the egg salad four nights ago.

I finished making breakfast for both Rachael and myself, and then climbed out the window and up the tree.

“You know, I think that you’ll make a good cook one day. Maybe start a restaurant instead of going to college.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that Mom and Dad will approve, I’ll have so much to laugh at from their disapproval that I’ll be rolling in the dirt until I’m ninety.” Then I started cracking up along with my sister. I seemed to be getting better at making jokes than I was a few years ago.
I gulped my eggs down quickly, and finished breakfast before Rachael.

“In a hurry?” She asked.

“Yeah, I figured out where we can go and what we should do after Mom leaves.”

“I don’t think that anything is open until nine, eight if we’re lucky. But that depends on where you want to go.”

“I want to go to the town square. And I think that we should go to the park for a walk until it’s seven. Then I’ll have to go and do something so you can go to the grocery store and shop for something nice to do for Mom and Dad, like a seafood dinner. And when they ask if it was your idea, say you thought of it all on your own, not that I did.”

“But that would give me unfair brownie points. I think we should tell them that you thought of it and I took you to the grocery store. Anyway, where are you going at seven in the morning?”

“Ah, remember that time a week ago when you and Mom went to go shopping and I said that I had something to do? Well, I didn’t finish so I have to do it today. I actually have several things to do, so you should have a list of things on your agenda for when I’m gone.”

“And you still won’t tell me what you’re doing, right?”

“Not a chance.”

“Would a bribe work?”

“Bribe? Isn’t that kind of low for you?”

“No, if I find out what I want it’s never too low. Even following you is still an option at this point in time.”

“You know, that might have worked if you hadn’t said anything. You can’t follow me because I will tell you what I’ve been up to very soon. In a matter of hours actually, so be patient. Isn’t that what you’ve always told me?”

“And I thought you didn’t remember anything that I taught you. I guess I won’t follow you since I should wait to give you a good example.”

“You better not follow me or I’ll catch you. And you will be so sorry later when it ruins the surprise. I’m only doing this for your own good.”

“Okay, I promise. But you know what Jane Austen always said about surprises, ‘Surprises are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable.’”

She paused momentarily before she was off, making a thousand requests of doing almost everything that was possible in Cottonwood. I wasn’t even sure if we would have enough time today, even thought we were up at five.

Mom left before we even finished our list.

“The time’s ticking, let’s go.” She reminded me cheerfully.

I got out my money stash when she went to get dressed and to get her purse.

We climbed into her car, since Mom took the Mercedes. She didn’t turn the radio on, and neither did I.

“Want me to drop you off ‘somewhere’? I don’t think we’ll need to burn any time in the park now.”

“How about at the Wal Mart?”

She paused, pulling into the turning lane, and dropped me off.

“See you later, Gwenie! I’ll be in the park in a hour and a half waiting for you.” She said with a small wave.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The bags were heavy, and I set them down on top of a bench, took out a tablet and a pen, and scrawled a note in Spanish.

These are for you, Merry Christmas! I hope you and Allie are having a nice holiday. I won’t be able to do this any more; my family and I are moving to Boston, Massachusetts in ten days (the 2nd of January). I’m giving you and Allie some spring clothes since I expect that she will start school soon. The dresses might be a little too big, but I hope she will like them for next year. I don’t think I’ll ever be back. I met you last week so you know me. Remember the time when you rode the bus to your house and you sat with a girl that caught Allie when she fell and spoke to you in Spanish? The girl with the violet eyes? That was me. Gwen Connel. I’ll miss doing this. If you’re ever in Boston, look me up. You and Allie are always welcome in my house.
Your Friend,
Gwen

I really would miss buying them things. I wanted to help them, but I wondered if they would know who I was. I hoped not, because people always said that the Connel’s were snotty, spoiled brats. Not all of us were, at least I wasn’t – I hoped. I stopped worrying and scooped up my bags to head for the bus stop.

By now, I had taken the bus so many times that the driver knew where I was going if I had bags. I was running a little late, so I couldn’t stay to see the reactions of Allie and Brianna. But I could go back after I got the music box. I pulled the cord when it was getting to the house. I picked up the bags, got off the bus, and went to the porch.

The step was always a problem. I set the bags down and climbed onto the main porch. The four bags that held Allies new clothes, her mother’s new sweaters and shoes for winter, and enough food plus gift cards to last them a few weeks I set on the stoop. I didn’t ring the doorbell at this time in the morning; Allie was still asleep. Instead, I knocked and ran back to the waiting bus.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Hello Gwen! It’s nice to see you again.”

“Good morning Jeremy, what does it look like?”

“Just as you ordered: oval, poplar wood and has green leaves. The song fits it too, which is good.”

“It’s perfect! I love it, and so will Rachael.” I cried when he showed me the masterpiece.
“How’s your arm?” Jeremy asked, his face full of concern.

“It’s changed into a shade of bluish yellow by now, not a pleasant sight.” I replied and showed him my bruise.

“I’m glad it’s disappearing. Oh, I almost forgot. What color of wrapping paper would you like?” He showed me an array of colors and patterns that he had spread out on the counter.
I chose the wrapping paper the color of midnight blue. The tag he typed and printed before my eyes resembled parchment.

Jeremy did his work with expertise; first choosing a box, then packaging the present in Styrofoam peanuts inside the aforementioned box. When he finished, he put it in a bag to keep it hidden. And on top of doing all that in less than two minutes, he offered me a discount for Christmas.

“That’ll be thirty dollars.” Jeremy said as he rang up the total.

“You told me forty five a week ago and now suddenly the price has lowered almost thirty three percent?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“Merry Christmas. It’s a holiday discount for our exceptional customers.” He replied with a smile.

I pulled out a bag that I’d hidden in my pocket. Inside was Jeremy’s present from me. I handed it to him and he pulled out a watch with garnet chips surrounding the face. I had it wrapped in a small box and tied with a red ribbon that had the tag: Merry Christmas Jeremy! Your Friend, Gwen.”

At first he was speechless, then he asked “Gwen, thank-you. I love it, how did you know garnet is my favorite stone?”

“You told me how much you hated to sell the pieces with garnet because it was your favorite, remember? It was when I first met you. You told me it was your birthstone.” I recollected in the same quiet tone he had used.

“I remember now. I’m not sure that the discount is enough now, what is your favorite stone, Gwen?”

“Well, my birthstone is amethyst and I like it, but my favorites are emerald and jade.”
Jeremy led me to the display cases for the stones. Then he asked “Which do you like more, emerald, jade, or amethyst? We have all of them.”

The emerald was beautiful, like the others, but amethyst was the most expensive. I was about to say whatever was the cheapest when he interrupted my thoughts. “Don’t worry about the price Gwen. Just pick the one you like the best.”

I was about to protest when I realized that he would probably win and there was no point. I sighed in defeat and said “Amethyst.”.

He looked at my wrist, but I already had a bracelet. It was a gift from Rachael on my ninth birthday that she added charms to every year since. I didn’t have a ring on, so he asked “Do you want a necklace, ring, or earrings?”

“My ears aren’t pierced and my parents would notice if I had a ring, so the necklace I suppose.”

Instead of getting out the necklace I thought he would, he went to another counter and took out a box that wasn’t visible from the counter. He lifted out a silver chain with probably ten garnet roses linked to it. In the center of the chain, was a rose of the same size made out of amethyst. It was beautiful; I loved it the moment I saw it even though I knew how much money he could make by selling it rather than giving it to me.

He shut the box again and locked it before returning to me. I wondered if I would ever see what else was in that box. The necklace clinked as Jeremy picked it up and took a few steps closer to me.

“Jeremy, what was the name of your boat?” I asked cautiously.

“She was called ‘The Alexandra’ before I bought her but we always called her ‘Delilah’.”

He seemed to have a normal reaction to my question, as if I had asked about the weather. I decided to ask another. “Why did you call her ‘Delilah’? Was – was that your wife’s name?”

“No, but ‘Delilah’ just fit better than ‘The Alexandra’.”

He paused, halfway around the counter. Then he continued. “Your favorite color is red, right?”

“Yes. It’s beautiful Jeremy. How much?”

He ignored my question and continued to come towards me with a faint smile appearing, as if I had just said a joke. He put it on me and said “Merry Christmas.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Gwenie! There you are! So, are you going to tell me where you’ve been yet?”

“No way, be patient, I’ll tell you soon.”

“So, are we going to the 8 am train to Phoenix to go shopping? We can get the groceries for Mom and Dad’s dinner later so that they don’t spoil.”

“Sure, but it is Christmas Eve so everyone and their weird relatives will be there too. I don’t mind though, I need school clothes for that cold, wet, green world of Boston I’m about to enter.”

We caught the train and rode downtown to the shops. Forty-five minutes later, I stepped out of the air-conditioned train station into the heat of the city with Rachael on my heels. After about three shops, I felt like a camel with all the packages she had me lugging around. I trudged behind her for a few steps before she became even more excited. “Ooh, Gwenie, here’s my favorite store! Come on, let’s go in! And see, they have a big sale today too!”
I almost moaned when I saw the ‘50% off everything’ sign that hung above the door.

“Come here, hurry up Gwen. Look, isn’t this outfit cute? You could wear this in Boston, it has a sweater, what do you think?”

The violet sweater with a matching skirt did look nice, so I just said “Okay.”. I continued to follow her though the store while she tossed more and more clothes into the cart beside the bags. Her eyes lit up when she saw something that she wanted for herself and paused to toss it on top of the pile. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when Rachael unfettered her silver credit card on him.

We made it to the food court after Rachael’s favorite store, which I considered good progress because she was a thorough shopper. I nearly drug the bags containing my new wardrobe to the table Rachael pointed to. I collapsed, exhausted, in the plastic chair closest. I waited for my sister to return with my turkey sub impatiently. To occupy myself, I gazed out at the people surrounding me, some darting in separate directions, some sitting in booths or tables chewing their food without hurry. People with children carried an unrealistic amount of packages; the tables stacked dangerously high beside plates of food. Lines for Burger King and McDonald’s were remarkably longer than others were.

“Here you go. Freshly made turkey sub. I got you a bag of chips too.” Rachael set my food down in front of me and sat down across the table.

“Thanks. Which train are we going on? One, two fifteen, or four thirty?” I opened the wrappings around my sandwich and took a large bite while examining the train schedule with over exaggerated scrutiny.

“Don’t they have anything at one thirty?”

“No, I just told you all the times I’m willing to leave. I’d prefer if we left before four thirty, though.”

“Lets go on the two fifteen. I still have a shop left to go to.”

“I thought you already bought everything you need. What else could you possibly need that we haven’t bought yet?”

She smiled and asked “How much room do you have left in your section of the library?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A new bookcase that was coming later in the day and the books were to be delivered with their shelf. I still couldn’t believe that Rachael bought all those new books; novels, cookbooks, sci-fi, the list was nearly endless. She reasoned that since she was planning to spend the summer in Boston with me, Mom and Dad were going back to the house and Mom was certainly going to be bored. I honestly couldn’t swallow that because Mom didn’t get bored. She was always off doing something or having some woman or another over. She didn’t have time to read, she only went to the library when she wanted to talk to me. For me though, any excuse was good enough to get us another shelf in the library.

We boarded the train and several young men helped to carry the bags aboard, eager to be of service to anyone that looked as Rachael did. A stunning redhead with dark blue eyes and a perfect figure was sure to catch any bachelor’s eye. We sat by ourselves and Rachael glided off the train with several phone numbers in her jeans pocket.

The packages just barely fit in the car with little room for us. I even had two bags on my lap and Rachael had one by her feet they were so numerous. It took three trips to unload the boxes and bags when we got home. I was in the middle of unpacking one particularly heavy box of books when Rachael came in the library with a concentrated look on her face.

“Which one should I call with the ‘I’m moving to Florida, sorry, I can’t date you.’”

“What are the choices? How many phone numbers did you get?” I grabbed another couple of books and looked at the authors. I wandered to the right sections and tried to wedge in the new additions. It was a no go. I cried out in disgust when there was no way I was going to get those books anywhere on that shelf.

“Well, we have the lovely greasy black haired guy who’s name is Kevin Spitzer, the guy who had the light brown hair and the glasses who is Clifford Hobbs, the one with the dark brown hair with blue eyes is David Jones, and we also have the blond haired guy with the green eyes who is Rodger Spencer.”

“I think I like David and Rodger. So call Clifford with the Florida excuse.” I muttered while I grumbled to myself about how I would have to reorganize the shelves to fit all the new books.

“What? I can’t hear you.”

“I SAID; call Clifford with the Florida excuse. I like David and Rodger.”

“Got it. Want to listen to the phone call that will break his little heart? I hope he doesn’t start crying. That would be awful. I hope he doesn’t have caller ID because when he starts crying and I hang up because I can’t take guys crying then he’ll call back and he’ll find out our number and….”

“Rachael, just call the guy. Stop being a worrywart. Jeez.”

“Ok, are you sure you can’t call him?”

“No, he’s waiting to hear your voice, not mine. Anyways, I’ll be listening to this whole thing. You’ve done it before so many times; I don’t know why you’re freaking out now.” I drifted back toward her and frowned when I had no room to unpack the books. I folded the box shut again and slid it behind the last shelf where no one would see it. Mom hates it when boxes are lying around.

“Go make sure Mom isn’t around. I know it’s not time for her to be back yet but she has a tendency to appear at strange times.”

I slipped out the library’s double doors and listened. I heard nothing. I treaded lightly into the kitchen and peered out the window. Her car was still gone. Shutting the heavy poplar doors behind me, I sprinted to the opposite side of the library to sit down beside Rachael on her leather couch. We listened to the phone ring, and the first one wasn’t even finished before someone picked up.

“Hello?” A male voice picked up, and he sounded very excited.

“Hi, is this Clifford?” Rachael asked carefully with a fake pleasantness.

“Yes, Rachael, is that you? I’ve been expecting your call.”

“Really, well, I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Oh, that’s quite alright. I’m glad you called though. I wanted to know if you were free for dinner Friday night and maybe we could go to a movie.” His voice was eager.

“Uh, well…. I need to tell you some bad news. I’m sorry to tell you that I have recently decided that it would be for the best if I transferred to the University of Miami. I’m going to become a lawyer, and they have one of the best programs. I really am sorry –”

“Really, well, good luck…. Goodbye Rachael…”

Click. The phone went dead in her hand.

“Well, that was pretty easy. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, but do you really know if the University of Miami has one of the best programs?” I asked.

“No.”

We laughed a little as Rachael pulled out the other phone numbers.

“Now who’s next? There’s Kevin, David, and Rodger. I don’t particularly like Kevin.”

“Then call him next.”

We used the same excuse for Kevin and his reaction was similar, but less controlled. We deliberated between David and Rodger, finally deciding that David would be the one to stay. I left them to their conversation when Rachael started twirling her hair around her right index finger, the sign that she liked a guy. I shut the door of the library quietly behind me and walked out to the den. My feet treaded lightly to the French doors leading to the deck. I pulled one of the doors open and a gust of warm air greeted me, blowing my hair back. The light was blinding and I squinted a little at first. The wood felt smooth under my bare feet as I walked to the steps to the next level. I traveled up slowly, gazing off into the distance towards the low mountains. I made it all the way to the second floor before I reached a limb on the tree outside my window that I could climb up. I sat on my platform and reached into my cubby. There were only two books in it, and I cared not to read either. I stayed up in the tree until the sun set.

Rachael did not come up or call for me, and when it was dark, dad came home. Mom came shortly after, and when I saw them coming, I went to the library to tell Rachael to get off the phone. She wasn’t in there though. I found her in her room. She was sitting on her bed, staring dreamily off into space. I smiled, for she had not looked like that for a very long time. I was glad for her – obviously, she had a date – and I left the room to wait in my own for dinner to be ready.