In a State of Captivation

The room.... It's spinning.

I am dizzy. I am dizzy. I see colors: Red, pink, black, Yellow, blue, green. Bronze, silver, gold. It’s all a mess, a very beautiful mess, but still a mess.

Looking up, down, left, right. Oh, this isn’t good.
I see my friend.
I see my mom.
I see my girlfriend. I reach out to touch.
My hands.... go through, them.
They aren’t real.

Wait, wait, just wait a minute. Are they not real, or not here? They’re coming closer. My girlfriend picks me up. I am a feather.

She begins to caress my; my breasts. This feels, great. She kisses my lips. Wait. She’s not here. But, this feels real.

My legs spread open...
My hands wander.
I breathe sharply.
It feels...
It feels wonderful.
My body shakes. It shakes with pleasure.
I hear her, her voice. She whispers.
But she's not here.
I moan. Now I scream.
Wait. I should stop. But, I can’t.
Can’t stop.
I never knew that injury could be so sweet.

The blood it’s rushing. It’s dripping. Dripping from my nose, my ears, my eyes. Dripping from my arm, my fingers, my feet. Dripping from nails, my elbows, my heart.
Now, it’s a puddle. It’s everywhere. I touch my arm. Wait, there’s nothing.

The room is spinning. It’s getting smaller... It’s trapping me. It’s nothing but a hole. I’ll be stuck.

I scream.
Wait, no one can hear.
Fuck.
It’s done.
No.
Wait, wait.

I’m done.