My Hayley

Stupid, that’s all I was, stupid! Stupid for thinking this would change anything. I couldn’t force her to love me. Had I pressured her into saying yes? Was it my fault? Did that Friday we spent together mean as much to her as it did to me?

Too many questions left me useless and confused.

It was obvious she liked Zack, a lot. Who was she trying to fool? I saw the way he eyed her, my Hayley, and it made the jealousy bubble up inside of me. She was mine to hold, and no one else’s. Hadn’t she agreed to that? Wasn’t it clear?

This new side of me was taking over. I wanted her so badly; the aggressive instinct I suppressed for so long had suddenly broken free. It was selfish and awful, yet I couldn’t stop my pursuit of her.

To ignore me would have been painful. To give yourself to me, let me feel you, taste you, be touched by your pretty little fingers… and then rip that bliss from me. That destroys the heart and turns it bitter. Knowing the feeling of being wanted, and returning to invisibility…. That tore me apart.

Hayley smiles at me and the pain grows, yet somehow fades into the wrinkles near her eyes, and mixes with the scent of her strawberry lips. Her beauty was my sanctuary, yet somehow it seems tainted to me now, like a jewel I could stare at for eternity but never hold.

What do I do? I wanted her but she didn’t want me. There’s no way in hell she could want me!

Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. The scent of her perfume washed over me and gave me hope, security, happiness.

Maybe she did want me?

I looked up to smile at her, but she was already gone, walking back over to her seat where Zack stood awkwardly waiting for her. My heart sank back into my stomach and I turned away.