Better Than Revenge

Valerie's POV:

My eyes were glued to the ceiling above me. Why the hell haven’t those glow in the dark stars fallen off yet? It’s been like eight years. Probably nine.

I anchored my fingers in my hair and sighed angrily. It’s almost 2am and I’m still not asleep. I’m not even tired.

I sat up in my bed and listened to the silence of night. It was dark, but just bright enough to see down the hallway. The dim light in the kitchen caught my eye...

I decided to get up and stumble down the hall.

There was no way I would ever sleep again. It's starting to become unbearable. All of the drama and supernatural aspects of my life are ridiculous. I honestly started to miss having amnesia. Being clueless all the time was frustrating, but completely manageable. It was nice while it lasted.

What am I saying?

And I couldn't even begin to remind myself of what happened with Jacob. It had to be the most embarrassing thing I'd ever done. The more I replayed it in my head, the more I wanted to just pull my hair out. No wonder I can't sleep.

I shuffled into the kitchen and yanked open the fridge. I heaved out the almost full two liter bottle of Coke. Might as well take down some caffeine since I’m not awake enough already.

I screwed off the red cap, positioning the bottle in my hands to take a sip.

“It’s not polite to drink from the bottle.”

I screamed and covered my mouth instantly to shut myself up. Covering my mouth involved both hands. I only have two hands. So guess what happened to the soda bottle?

I watched the sticky drink flood the area around my feet before bending down quickly to pick it up. Then, even though I knew the instant I heard the voice who it was, I checked the open doorway to the kitchen from the living room.

“What are you doing here!?” I whisper-yelled.

Seth appeared just as surprised as I was. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t sleep, and I - “

My heart jumped when he said he couldn’t sleep either, and it caused me to loose some of my sanity. “You scared the hell out of me.”

I placed the now half empty bottle of Coke on the counter and Seth grabbed a roll of paper towels. We both crouched on the floor and I lifted the small rug next to the sink, soaked through on the corner. I sighed again.

“I’m really sorry, I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

I ripped a few sheets of paper towels from the roll. “Well, when you show up in my house in the middle of the night uninvited...how did you even get in here?”

He lifted his eyes to the door behind me. “That door was open. You should really lock it at night.”

I was still waiting for my heart to slow down. He’s in my house. In the middle of the night. And I’m the only one who knows.

We wiped up most of the soda, but now the floor was sticky. I stood up with shaky knees and wet a paper towel in the sink.

“Do you want me to leave?”

I wanted to say no right away, but I bit my tongue. “Actually, I couldn’t sleep, either.”

He stood next to me. “Really?”

I nodded. “I counted all the stars on my ceiling.”

Seth laughed softly. “I think that’s all the water the paper towel can hold.”

“Oh. Right.” I turned off the faucet and squeezed the excess water out. I ran the wet paper towel over the sticky mess and it came up easily.

“So you decided to drink some Coke because you couldn’t sleep?”

“I thought I might as well load up on the caffeine.” I said, taking another sip out of the bottle. “Want some?”

He pursed his lips, staring thoughtfully at the bottle I held out towards him. He took it with a smirk.

I couldn't help the thought that entered my head. If he offered it back to me, I wasn't sure I would drink it. Not because I don't want his germs, but because he's obviously kissed her, and...well, who knows where her mouth has been.

I shook it off quickly. “So how long have you been standing in my kitchen?”

“Not long. I was going to use your window - “

“My window?”

“Yeah. But then I thought that was weird, and I was gonna just leave because I didn’t know what I was doing here in the first place, and I knew I couldn’t just come into your house - “

“But you did.”

“…Yeah.”

I smiled. “Why?”

“I don’t know, I guess its kind of illegal to break into people’s houses, but…”

“No, I mean why did you come here?"

His eyes found his feet and his voice got low. “I guess I just missed you.”

I half covered my mouth to hide the tiny smile that consumed it. “I’m not going anywhere. I'll still be here in the morning, I promise.”

“I know, but I felt bad about what happened. You shouldn't have left like that."

I gave a good shrug. "It's fine, I mean, you moved on, and so did I. It's fine."

His eyebrows creased his forehead. "Val, I saw your face."

I shot him a silly look to hide my real expression.

He seemed dissapointed. "I'm sorry."

“Seth, you don't need to-”

“Wait. I was thinking, and I figured something out.”

I watched him come to stand across from me, crossing his arms over his chest casually. Trying to be an adult again, the way he gets when he’s anxious about talking to me.

"Do you feel it?" He asked me.

Yeah that makes sense. “Feel what?”

He gathered his thoughts while I waited, trying to claw through the counter behind me.

He spoke slowly, unsure of his words. “See, with imprinting, it's supposed to be mutual. Each half feels the same way, it's not just the werewolf half."

I thought about that.

Seth continued. “I think you lost the feeling. You took it away from yourself, the feeling we used to have. And because I still had it - “

He gently pried my fingers from the counter. “Have it,” he corrected, “but you don’t, we can’t…” He lost whatever he was going to say, shaking his head and dropping my fingers.

“Forget it, I don’t know anything. Why are we even talking about this right now?” He mumbled.

“No, that makes sense.” I insisted. “But…don't you feel something for Elena? I mean, with Sam and Emily, Em’s beautiful, regardless of that scar on her face. And Claire will grow into those big brown eyes. Quil’s lucky. Elena...well, she's your best friend.” I dropped my eyes, surprised I hadn't broken down already. "Then there's me."

He sort of laughed. “You are just as important as Emily, and Claire, and Elena."

I sort of laughed back.

Seth threw his head back and groaned. I shushed him.

“You know I’m going to have to kick your butt, right?” Seth tried to whisper.

“Come on, Seth, even you know I’m nothing special. I’m just…”

“You’re you.” He filled in for me.

“Exactly. And you’re Seth Clearwater. Funny, and sweet, and you're kind of insane.”

And there’s his smile. “I can’t help it.”

I shook my head, frowning like it was a sin he was flawless. “You’re perfect.”

He took a step closer. “I could say the same about you.”

I psh-ed him. “I’m not perfect.”

“Neither am I. And who said you had to be perfect?”

“Yes you are! You are the most perfect being I’ve ever seen in my life!”

He raised his eyebrows, still grinning. “Right back at you.”

I threw my head back and groaned. He shushed me.

“You know I’m going to have to kick your butt, right?” I mocked him.

He chuckled. “So you do get it, you just refuse to let yourself feel it.” He got serious then. “Why?”

I was frustrated. So I blurted. “I kissed Jacob. Numerous times. More than you even know. And once I almost…did more than that. Yet you’re still so nice to me? If you feel the way you say you do, you should be upset, crushed, offended, angry. Not smiling at me like that!”

I felt better, relieved. But that passed quickly. Now I wanted to die. Because he was STILL SMILING.

I sunk down to the floor and hugged my knees, hiding my face between them. I became a ball, and nothing he said would unwind me from it.

"She bothers you that much, huh?"

Except that.

Seth balled up next to me, leaving his head free. “At least you're jealous."

I grumbled into my knees, wondering if he was jealous, too.

“Is that why you run away all the time? Because you're jealous?”

I stayed motionless.

Seth didn’t speak either.

All I could hear was the faint humming of the refrigerator.

"I can't stand her." I admitted.

He didn't laugh like I thought he would, and it made me regret saying anything. But it was the truth.

“Alright.” His finger pried between my chin and my arms to lift my head. He pinned my shoulders back to the cabinet behind me. Then he made absolutely certain I wouldn’t look away from his eyes before he tried to convince me further.

“Are you going to listen to me now?” He asked. “Or are you just going to ignore everything I say?”

“I’m listening to you, but - “

“Good. Now listen better than before. Can you do that?” He was talking to me like I was a baby.

I looked into his eyes, reflecting the same attitude right back at him.

“You know what? Screw imprinting. The whole idea can just go to hell because it’s done nothing but ruin everything. And it’s not guaranteed that I’ll imprint anyway. I don’t care if I imprinted on you or not because whatever the science is behind it I’ll still feel like this either way. I know I will. And you better believe that because if you don’t then I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what to do to make you believe me, you’re so freaking stubborn it’s ridiculous! I mean come on, Valerie, don’t you want that back? How it used to be? I know everybody says that but I’d kill to have that back. I - I just can’t do it anymore! I can’t walk around pretending like you never happened to me, because you did. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t understand how you can’t just forget all the crap in between so we can go back to the way we were.”

As he huffed on the air he deprived his lungs of, I asked my one question. “What are you saying, you never imprinted on either of us?"

He shrugged, annoyed. “I don't know. But you're still not listening to me!"

Seth started pacing the floor, getting more worked up rather than calming down. I couldn’t figure out what to say to placate him.

“I gotta go.” He muttered, storming through the door and out into the cold.

I knew what he had to do, but I also knew that I couldn’t just let him leave like that after he completely poured his heart out. He thinks I wasn't listening.

I grabbed my coat and zoomed out the door trying to catch him, but all I could see was the breath in front of my face.

I was debating on whether to go looking for him or to simply go back inside when I heard the grumbling coming from the side of the forest behind my house.

I bit my lip to discourage the smile forming on my lips. He sat, the sandy colored wolf, at the edge of the trees, his head in his paws and a scowl on his furry face.

My feet wouldn’t budge at first, strangely because I was scared. Sure, I’d seen him as a wolf before, but never before had he phased because he was upset with me. It was never the reason…

Does it even matter at this point?

I started to run over to him to beat the cold from splitting my bones, but I froze when a long and deep howl pierced through the frigid air.

Seth's head rose instantly. He jumped to his feet and gave me a quick glance before racing into the trees.

I'm no wolf-howl interpreter, but anyone would agree that something was wrong.