You Give Love a Bad Name

"So, what do you want to do now?" Melanie asked me, swinging her shopping bags around peacefully. "The mall closes at nine on Sundays, that means we have like two more hours to waste."

It's been two hours since Bob and my brother Mikey split off from me, Cara and Melanie to go and do their own thing, and about an hour since Cara left for her date with Jake, which meant that Melanie and I had the rest of the day - or at least till the mall closed - to ourselves, which we didn't mind all that much.

"Um," I ran a hand through my long, black hair thoughtfully. "I don’t know. Do you need anything?"

"Nope," Melanie shook her head, bringing her right hand up to indicate towards her purchases. "Got everything I need right here. You?"

"A gift for Frank," I sighed exhaustively. "I can't believe I haven't found something even remotely cool in all this time that we spent here."

"Stop worrying," Melanie slapped me on the back good naturally with her free hand. "It's not like his birthday is next week. You've got time."

Since the township of Belleville is not that extremely huge, it doesn't have any malls of it's own, so if the people of Belleville want to go on a shopping spree, they have to go to either Orange, Montclair, Clifton, or any other cities surrounding Belleville. That meant that Melanie and I had to drive to East Orange so we could go shopping at Brick Church Plaza, which was about two miles from my house.

By now our aimless walking carried us outside Blockbuster Video, unusually deserted for a Sunday night. Due to the early nightfall of October, the lampposts all around us were already casting a butter-yellow glow on the black concrete, adding a cozy feel to the atmosphere.

"Want to go in and get a couple of movies?" Melanie asked me, nodding her chin towards Blockbuster. "I need something new to watch besides Jarhead and Donnie Darko. Although, come to think of it, the leading man in both of those movies isn't that bad to look at."

"Get Brokeback Mountain, then," I laughed, changing my course towards the movie place, never less.

"Whatever, idi - Whoa!" Melanie stopped all of a sudden, grabbing me by the arm, her eyes focused in front of her. "Look who's here. I swear, it's like everyone decided to come here today!"

My eyes followed hers and met a sight that made my stomach lurch and my heart fall into a black abyss.

In front of us, about twenty feet away, leaned against his car, Frank was displaying some very public affection with Manda.

"You know how I told you to get Frank condoms?" Melanie was saying, but I ignored her and stared straight forward, feeling lightheaded and faint. "Don't. I'm going to do it. He probably runs out quickly, based on what I'm seeing."

I felt like I was about to throw up. My lip began to tremble as I watched Manda run her hands through Frank's hair, while he kissed her neck. I just wanted to sit down on the pavement, curl up into a ball, and rock back and forth till a car ran me over.

I seriously wanted to die.

"...hormone driven teen - Hey, Lena?" I blinked, and my attention focused on Melanie's face that somehow got in front of me. "Are you okay, babe? You look as white as a ghost!"

"Um," I mumbled, noticing that my breath came in short gasps, almost like I just finished running a mile. Everything was hazy and blurred. "Um. I - I don't know."

"Want to sit down?" Melanie asked me, worry laced in every word. "You don't look so good. I can get Frank over here if you want."

"NO!" My eyes opened wide, and I grabbed a very confused looking Melanie by the shoulders. "No. You can't. Frank doesn't like people to bother him when he's on dates. He'll get pissed off."

I hoped with every once of my body that Melanie wouldn't catch me on my lie. Frank didn't give a fuck if people disturbed him or not. He was too friendly to get mad because of something simple as that.

"Okay," Melanie said slowly, still studying my face. "I still think you should sit down, though. Just to be on the safe side."

As fast as the pit of misery swallowed me, it spit me out even faster. Everything became clear, both in my head and in my eyes. But it felt like someone ripped my heart out and danced a Tango on top of it.

"Let's go to my place," I offered, turning away from Frank and Manda, and starting to walk in the direction where Melanie's car was parked at. "I'll give you some movies to watch. There's plenty at my house. Mikey, Gerard, and I, are huge movie freaks. You'll have plenty to select from."

"Sounds good," Melanie replied timidly, catching up to me in few simple steps.

I stared straight ahead, not even bothering to make the slightest conversation with Melanie, who thumping her fingers on the steering wheel in tune with the music that blared from the radio, obviously understanding my need to be left alone.

This was it. I was going to figure everything out once and for all. I was going to figure something that I've been ignoring for a while now. How my heart swelled up whenever I saw Frank's gorgeous smile. How whenever someone said his name, I wanted to grin like a complete moron. How he dominated my dreams...

"I like him," I whispered to myself, completely lost in my thoughts.

"What?"

I turned my head to see Melanie studying me with a somewhat surprised expression.

"I like this band," I lied quickly. "What's their name?"

Melanie smiled and turned to face the deserted road. "The Cramps. I have their latest CD, if you want to borrow it."

"Sure," I nodded, unbuckling my seatbelt when Melanie puled into my driveway. "Now, lets go in and get those movies, yeah?"

I laid in my warm, cozy bed, listening to the wind howling outside my window.

For some reason I kept thinking about what happened today and why I reacted the way I did, the obvious fact that I liked Frank aside. I mean, why didn't I feel like a zombie whenever he and Manda made out in school, or even when she was with him visiting me, Gerard, and Mikey, at our house.

The best solution I could come up with was that today I was taken by surprise. Whenever I saw Frank and Manda together, I expected it. Like school, for example. I knew that both of them were going to be there - attached by the mouth, most likely - and I had time to build an invisible wall against my heart so the hurt wouldn't get through.

But today... How the hell was I supposed to know that those two were going to be at Brick Church Plaza? That's why I reacted the way I did. Because the wall around my heart was gone, thus leaving it unprotected.

I rolled over to face my bedroom wall, burying my face in the pillow. "Ugh. I hate crushes. I want to stay single for forever. I'll be a cat-lady, or something."

"That's the spirit."

I gasped and sat up in my bed, my heart hammering a million beats per minute, and immediately my eyes found my oldest brother at the foot of my bed, moonlight illuminating half of his face, leaving the rest in the shadow.

"What the hell, Gerard? Way to creep up on me like that."

"Creature of the night, remember?" he joked, sitting down at the corner of my bed. "So, why aren't you asleep? And what's with the cat-lady thing?"

I quickly weighted the options in my head.

If I told Gerard that I liked Frank, it would somehow become official, and I didn't want that. Best friends liking best friends caused too much bullshit, and that was seriously the last thing I needed.

Besides, it was just a stupid crush that would go away in a couple of weeks or so, right? So why bother?

"Laurie called," I started to plant the seed of untruth into Gerard's head, hoping it would grow. "She’s having relationship problems."

"Wow. She found someone in Utah already?" Gerard looked impressed. "Speaking of, do you know if she's coming here for Thanksgiving?"

I nodded, thinking back to the conversation on the phone that Laurie and I had a couple of days ago. "Yeah, she is. She's staying for a week, actually. Cara and I already planning to spam her stay with our presence."

Gerard laughed and stood up. "I'm gonna go, we both have classes in the morning. Get some sleep, kiddo, and I'm gonna do the same. Night."

"Night," I called after him, snuggling into my pillow and closing my eyes.