You Give Love a Bad Name

The first thing that greeted me when I regained consciousness was the steady beeping of the heart monitor. Keeping my eyes closed, I tried to drive the head-splitting headache into the back of my mind, focusing on the heaviness of my body instead.

A strand of hair fell across my face, and I tried to lift up my hand to brush it away, gasping as it wouldn't budge. I tried again and again, my breath racing along with the accelerating beeps of the heart monitor somewhere beside me.

Through the sheer panic, I heard footsteps running down the hall, and I tried to open my eyes to see what was wrong with me - what was wrong with my body - but couldn't.

I was trashing now, the sheets holding me down in a death-like grip, confusing and frightening me at the same time. I tried to call out for help, but only a dry groan escaped my lips, hurting my throat.

The footsteps screeched to a halt beside me, and I felt a pair of hands on my face, trying to hold down in the bed.

"Get Dr. Rae in here!" a woman's voice called out in panic, pushing my body into the mattress. "We need sedatives!"

I tried to rebel against the extra weight on my body, I tried to push her away. Couldn't she see that there was something wrong with me? Why couldn't she understand?

The footsteps came again, followed by a male voice calmly cutting through the chaos surrounding me. "Don't hold her so tight, Georgie, she is in a frail state. I'm going to do an intravenous."

After a couple more minutes of struggle, I began to feel more relaxed, stopping my weak attempts at freedom, and focusing on Georgie’s soothing words instead, as they washed over me like a lullaby.

"You're okay," she was whispering, gently dabbing my forehead with a cool rag, "you're going to be fine. Your parents are on their way now. Aren't you glad..."

I felt so sleepy that her words all bled into one, and I slid into unconsciousness once again, despite the now-raging headache.

I didn't know how long I laid there, drifting in and out of sleep and hallucinations. It could have been hours, or it could have been days. Weeks, even. I kept seeing things, not knowing if they were real or not. Mostly I saw a woman and a man leaning over me, dressed in white, their faces distorted and blurry. But I saw my parents, grandmother, and brothers as well, coated in the same haze as the strangers in white. Whenever it was my family, I tried to reach out to them and ask if everything was alright, but I was never strong enough, and the fatigue always overcame my other senses before I could touch their faces.

I knew that things were getting better when the faces became clearer and clearer, the features distinct and sharp against the blindingly-white light that streamed from above. Now I could make out things like the dark circles under my mom's eyes, or the tangled strands of black hair that fell against Gerard's clammy and pale skin.

It was Gerard that I saw when I opened my eyes once again, this time feeling much stronger then the previous times. He was leaning over me like most days, but this time I could clearly see him. He lost a lot of weight, his usually round face becoming gaunt and haggard. His hair looked messier than usual, and now that the fog was not clouding my senses, I could see how profound the circles under his eyes were; like he haven’t slept for years.

"Lena?" his voice was careful, almost like he was testing the water.

I looked at the withered man that was once my lively brother with wide eyes, almost scared. His tired hazel eyes watched me with alarm, like I was going to jump out of the bed and run away.

"Ge-ge," I tried to say his name, finding it hard. What was wrong with me? I tried again. "Ge-gee. Gee."

His mouth opened and closed silently, and I saw his eyes gloss over as he blindly searched for my hand amongst the white sheets.

"Gee," I whispered again, and the warmth of his hand covering mine made me want to cry.

"Mom," Gerard's voice was shaking, but his eyes never left mine. "Mom! She's awake!"

I was losing control of my body, and tears were escaping one by one. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a silhouette get up from the chair, and run up to us, and the next thing I knew my mom was kissing my face, her tears mixing in with mine, and her lips burning where they touched.

"Oh my God," she sobbed, "oh my God. Thank you. Thank you for bringing my baby back. Thank you."

It was all hazy again, and I saw that a new shadow was added to the mix.

"She needs rest, Mrs. Way," a strange male voice was saying, one that I heard so many times before in my hallucinations. "She can't have too much excitement."

"Momma," I whispered, my eyes closing against my will.

The next time I woke up, the first thing I noticed was how bright the room was. That, and the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

I blinked and turned my head to the left, instantly wincing. Sunlight was streaming from a window with open blinds, warm and friendly, the birds signing outside, and green trees swaying against the clear blue sky.

Terror engulfed me. Green trees? But how? It was December! January, at the most. Where was the snow?

I guess the frantic beeps gave me away, because my mom was at my side, clutching my hands in hers.

"Mikey!" her voice was shrill. "Get the doctor!"

I stared at her with wide, terrified eyes.

"Shh, baby," she crooned, even though I wasn't making any noise. One of her hands rose up, and began stroking my cheek. "It's okay. Everything is okay."

But how could it be? Where was the snow?

"Mom? Mom, is Lena awake?"

It was Mikey, I knew that for a fact, even though I was still staring straight ahead in a petrified silence.

"Yes, yes she is," Mom whispered shakily, her tone making me nervous.

"Good morning, Lena," a cheery voice carried from my right, coming closer. "How are you today?"

My mom's face was replaced by the strange man dressed in white, his lined, blue eyes twinkling in anticipation.

A doctor, clicked somewhere in the depth of my mind.

I stared at him, not able to say a word. He seemed to realize my problem, because he patted me on the arm sympathetically. "Loss of speech is common occurrence in comatose patients. But don't worry, if everything goes right, you'll be talking in no time."

I just blinked at him. Comatose?

"But I heard her speak!" Mom's face was in my vision again, hysterical. "She said 'Momma'! And my oldest son told me that she said his name."

"Mrs. Way," the doctor's tone was tediously patient, "her body may react differently every day, because of her situation. It is difficult to find a solid pattern in the behavior of patients with her percentage. We are extremely lucky that she even," he glanced at me and trailed off.

I was beginning to feel the headache creep into my brain again. Why did it seem like everyone was in on some big secret? Everyone but me.

"Dad, Grandma, and Gerard are on their way," a third face joined my mom's and the doctor's faces above me. Mikey.

"Gerard needs to sleep," Mom sighed, her hand finding my cheek again.

"I know," Mikey looked exhausted himself. Exhausted like my mom and Gerard. "But he wanted to come."

I focused all of my attention on Mikey, drinking him in. Like Gerard and Mom, he lost weight and had dark circles under his eyes. The usual smile was gone from his face, replaced by a thin line that evaporated as soon as he saw me watching him.

"Hi," he whispered, in the same careful tone that Gerard used. Like I was a china doll. Breakable. "I missed you."

My throat tightened, and I reached for his hand, managing to only lift it up an inch before it fell back down with a soft thud. I wanted to tell him that I missed him too. That I was confused and scared. That I wanted to have control of my body again.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek, brushing the hair out of my eyes. "Everyone missed you. The guys can't wait to see you. Dr. Rae said that you might be able to have visitors as soon as next week."

"That's right," Dr. Rae - the nameless doctor - smiled at me, showing two straight lines of pearly whites, winking. "Everyone knows that friends help a speedy recovery."

I blinked, wondering if my friends visited Cara and Jake already. Maybe they weren’t even hurt in the car crash, and I would see their happy faces amongst the others when the day came.

All of a sudden I felt exhausted. My eyes dropped and I struggled to keep them open. I wanted to see Grandma, Gerard, and my dad.

"She is tired," Dr. Rae whispered to my mom and brother, and I could see through blurry vision that he injected something in the IV. "She needs rest."

"When is she going to be awake again?" My mom.

"Hopefully later on today," Dr. Rae murmured, and I was not sure if the next line was real or already a part of my dream. "but you never know. She is lucky to even be awake for this long after a four-month-long coma."

I sighed, seeing white. Where was the snow?