You Give Love a Bad Name

The next time I opened my eyes, the sun was high in the sky, indicating that it was close to or somewhere around noon. A shimmering beam of sunlight woke me up, falling across my face and tickling my nose with it's liquid warmth, which caused me to sneeze. It started from the window to the left of my bed, where a curtain was slightly drawn back, exposing a thin tree branch with an ebony crow perched upon it, its beady eyes studying me with mild caution, and ending across the room on the closed wooden door, coating everything it touched in a golden glow.

Ignoring the bird's rough cries, I looked past it, towards the limb. The sight was gorgeous. Against an azure background of a cloudless day, tiny green growth was streaming from the cracked buds, making the sight one that a nature magazine would display on its front cover.

But it's not the beauty that was mere inches away from the windowsill that took my breath away. It was the fact that the last time I saw a tree, snow covered its branches, and the sun hid behind the snowstorm clouds, not bothering to shine its warmth on the frozen ground below it.

I felt my heartbeat quicken. Why did winter suddenly look like spring?

Cringing, I looked away from the window and took in my surroundings. I was still in that strange room with its cold bed, crisp sheets, and the blindingly white walls. The heart monitor beside me still counted my heartbeats in a neverending series of beeps.

My family's faces flashed in my mind. I recalled them in this exact room, Gerard's face so close to mine, and my mother crying. What seemed like a dream was actually reality.

But that must mean...

With a gasp, I tried to recall New Year's Eve. Dimly, almost like an old movie, images danced around in my head. Logan, Gerard, Mikey, Melanie, Valerie... Frank's lips coming closer to my own... With a dry sob, I saw the reflection of Jake and Cara's scared faces as the gigantic white light approached Jake's car.

I began to shake, gasping for air. What happened to me? Where were my friends? Why was I in a hospital?

"No!"

Lost in my nightmarish memories, I didn't hear the sound of approaching feet, nor did I hear how the group of people stopped behind my closed door, in the middle of a heated argument.

"Mikey -"

"No! How can you even think about doing it to her?" my brother's voice began to break, followed by an acceleration in his already erratic breathing pattern. "She's not strong enough!"

"Honey, please listen to us," Mom's voice became quieter, and she sounded close to if not already in tears. "It's best if she found out right away. Dr. Rae thinks so too. It's going to be hard, but we'll make it through."

"No!" There was a thump against the door, a sound that would be made if someone threw their whole body against the wooden surface - trying to block the entrance. "I'm not going to help you kill my sister!"

"Donald!"

There was a shuffling noise and my father's gruff voice intervened. "Mikey, let go of the door -"

"No!" Another thump. "Gerard, help me."

A new voice joined the conversation. It was helpless and as cold as the harsh December wind that stung my flushed cheeks as I made my way to Bob's house that fateful day. "They're right, Mikey. She would want to know right away."

There was silence that stretched for what seemed an eternity in my throbbing head, before there was a sigh and the body lifted itself from the door.

"Mikey, where are you going?"

"Away from here," my brother's voice was bitter as he replied our mother. "I don't want to see her face when she hears the news."

"I'm going with you," Gerard said quickly, "I don't think I can take seeing her face either. We'll be in the cafeteria."

" But -"

"Donna, let them go," there was sadness in Dad's voice as he talked over the retreating footsteps. "It's been hard on the boys as well. I don't blame them for not wanting to be there."

"Oh, Donald." I could tell that for sure that my mother was sobbing now. "What are we going to tell her?"

"The truth," Dad said softly, almost like he was talking to himself. "We're going to tell her the truth."

Before I could collect my thoughts, or realize what was happening for this matter, the door cracked open, and my parents came in, closing the door and shutting out the gurgle of voices from the busy hallway.

"Oh," Mom breathed out as soon as she saw my wide eyes. "you're awake. Daddy's here. He came yesterday, but you were asleep."

Dad smiled, a slow and trembling smile, coming to sit by me. "Hi, Baby. It's so good to see your beautiful green eyes open again. I missed you so much."

He sat there, peering down at me with glazed over eyes. I opened my mouth, trying to say something. Trying to tell him that I loved him, but only a dry rasp came out from my chapped lips.

"She can't talk, Donald," Mom said softly, coming to stand beside us. "Her muscles aren't working properly right now, but Dr. Rae said things will start to normalize in a couple of weeks."

"Oh Baby," Dad whispered, stroking my matted black hair, "you have no idea how glad were are that you are back with us."

Back with us...

I blinked, looking up at him with quizzical eyes.

"There is something you need to know," Mom's voice was starting to break again. "Something happened on New Year's Eve, Lena. There was..."

There was a flash and I saw their faces, heard the screams of warning. I felt the collusion.

"...a car crash. You were in a car crash." At this point, tears began to stream down my mom's pale cheeks, and her shoulders began to shake. "Um, t-there w-were, um...um..."

"There were no survivors besides you, Lena," Dad cut in, looking at me with agony. "Jake and Cara died on the impact, and Tom Goodwin - the man who's U-Haul smashed into Jake's car - died at the hospital five hours after they brought him in. It's April now, you've been out for..."

I couldn't hear him any longer. The room began to spin around me in a vortex of grief. There was an earthquake. There had to be one - there was no way my frail body was doing all that shaking. I began to sob and trash between the crisp white sheets that bound me to the bed.

White, white, white...

This room was white, and so was the snow that coated the ground as I got into Jake's car.

Jake...Cara...dead...

"No!" I threw my head back, gasping for air. Why was I alive? Was it so I could feel this excruciating pain? "Nooooo!"

"Donald, get the doctor!"

It was too much. I never felt like this before in my life. The feeling was horrifying and indescribable. I wanted to disappear from this bed, disappear from this room, disappear from this world.

"There, there," Dr. Rare was suddenly by my bedside, injecting something into the IV. "Everything is going to be okay."

Okay...

That was the last thing that shot through my restless mind as I blacked out into dreamless sleep.