The Tangles of My Heart

“Hey, Jack…you and Holly are getting pretty serious, aren’t you?” Alex asked randomly. We were chilling in Hawaii. Yes, Hawaii. This trip was kind of like our gift to ourselves after all our hard work and hard touring. And it was fucking amazing.

“Me and Holly? Not even,” I laughed, closing my eyes. Alex and I were sitting out on the beach, the cooler full of beer right between us. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the water was clear, the girls weren’t here…everything was fucking perfect right now.

“But you guys have been dating for like…six months now.”

“Alex, you don’t understand the dynamics of our relationship, so don’t try.”

“Well, why don’t you help me try?” Alex asked impatiently.

I rolled my eyes, wriggling around on my beach chair so more of my pale, skinny, awkward body was exposed to the rays of the sun. “Why are you trying at all?”

“...You’re different because of her, and I don’t like it,” Alex finally blurted out.

I sighed slowly. “And when did you come to this conclusion?”

“Over time, I guess. You just…aren’t the same. The Jack that was dating Taylor was a lot more –“

“What do you mean, ‘the same’?” I asked, angry that he spoke her name.

“I mean, you kind of act the same, but sometimes…your douchebaggery comes out. And it never used to be…like, real. But sometimes, some days, it is. Have you ever noticed the mean jokes you play on fans, Jack? And the way you treat girls in general?” I turned to look at him, a gesture that he should continue.

“Like, you remember that one time a girl at a show just asked for a hug and you flat out said ‘No’ and walked away? But then you came back and she was super hopeful looking but you were just like, ‘Oh, I forgot my water bottle, bye’ and you walked away again, laughing? That was really fucking mean, bro.” I had no recollection of the tale Alex just told me, so I shrugged. “And you just…are perpetually rude to girls, like, everywhere, even Holly and Maddie and Cassadee and Bailey sometimes, like that one time you stood Holly up on her birthday, and that one time you pretended to be snorting coke just because Maddie was around and had, like, just gotten back from rehab, and that one time you were yelling at Cassadee for no reason, and that one time you made dumb blonde jokes just because Bailey was around,” Alex added, to which I again just shrugged.

“Notice how you said ‘that one time’ before every incident you mentioned?” I pointed out, smirking.

“…Jack, you can’t blame the entire female race because of one girl that didn’t treat you right.”

I grabbed a Smirnoff and sat up to drink some. “Alex, everything’s fine, alright?”

“Jack, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Fine, Alex. You remember how you and Lisa were? That on and off shit?" Alex cringed, so I knew he knew what I meant. "That’s how me and Holly operate. She’s a playboy bunny, Alex, of course we’ll be cheating on each other! Yeah, I guess I’m with a lot more girls than normal, but why do you care? I really don’t mind, so isn’t that what matters? Besides, this open relationship is pretty convenient.”

Alex stared at me in disbelief. “So you want convenience, not a relationship.”

“Pretty much, yeah. Why?”

“I was gonna tell you something, but I’d rather not ruin your good mood,” Alex teased, rolling up his towel to use it as a pillow.

“Shit, bro, you can’t do that! You have to tell me now!” Alex remained silent, a serene smile on his face. I whined and whined to him but he ended up falling asleep.

I enlisted the aid of Zack and Rian to dig a hole in which we would bury Alex. He was sleeping pretty hard, so Zack was able to lower Alex into the hole that we dug. Alex woke up while Rian and I were pushing and packing the sand back into the hole, covering him up. We laughed and Zack took a few pictures. Rian and I even drew the body of the little mermaid into the sand, the neck leading up to Alex’s head. We had all sorts of fun, and then Rian and Zack went back down to the water.

“So, Jack…when are you digging me out?” Alex asked, squinting up at the sun.

“When you tell me what you were going to tell me before you fell asleep.”

“Oh…I can’t remember.”

I frowned. “Oh…I can’t dig you out,” I mimicked mockingly, making Alex grimace.

“Will you promise to believe every word I say?” Alex asked, and I nodded. Alex sighed deeply. “Alright, well…Taylor lied to you, about lying to you, so she was actually telling the truth, and…ah fuck, hold on, I can’t word this right.”

I rolled my eyes. “Alex, we don’t need to talk about that fucking whore.”

“She’s not a whore, though! She only wanted you to think that so you would leave for Maryland without her!” Alex argued.

My lips were set in a hard line. “Alex, we’re not talking about that fucking whore. At all. Shut up.”

“Jack, that picture of herself in the lacy white lingerie? She never sent it to anyone else but you. And she never did anything with Warren that day. They were fully clothed under the covers. She wanted you to think she cheated on you so that you would leave for Maryland with or without her, and so May wouldn’t marry Warren. Don’t you fucking get it? She loved you; she told me so!”

When Alex used the word “love” in the past tense, I laughed and clambered back into my beach chair, trying to ignore the knotting of my stomach and the aching in my heart. I was tempted to believe him for a moment, but…it’s been a year.

I don’t…I really don’t give a fuck about Taylor anymore.

It’s not like the information Alex just shared with me made me want to fly to Indiana and get back with Taylor, or anything like that. I just invested too much into that relationship, that’s why it took me so long to get over it. Summer fling, over and done…Yeah.

I slipped my shades back on, getting into a more comfortable position. “Whatever you say, Alex…”

A few minutes passed before Alex spoke again. “So…are you going to dig me out now, or…”

“Nope,” I said with a devilish grin.

Alex just sighed heavily. “…Cool beans.”