‹ Prequel: Opposites Distract
Status: updates when inspiration and free time collide.
The Tangles of My Heart
It's Not Too Late for Us.
I licked my lips nervously. Even now, I was unsure of what to say to Jack, so I kept quiet. I did know one thing I had to say, though. “Thank you for saving my sister,” I managed to say, stealing a glance at him.
Jack simply nodded, walking forward and staring at the sand beneath his feet. “Don’t get mad at Matt. He’s just not the best swimmer in the world. He was trying to go after Anna, honest. Zack’s the swimmer, he just wasn’t around…”
“She’s alive because of you. Jack, I can’t thank you eno-“
“Shut up? Please?” I tried not to cringe at his words, but I did swallow back mine. “Holly left me,” Jack muttered, kicking at the sand a bit. “Literally left. She took a plane back to the states a few days ago.”
I nodded, trying to maintain an indifferent expression. The news shouldn’t have relieved me, but it did. “I’m sorry, Jack.”
“I forgive you,” Jack said with a soft sigh, staring up at nothing in particular now. Jack stopped walking when he noticed that I had stopped walking, too. “That’s all you wanted, isn’t it?” he asked knowingly. “My forgiveness…not my love. Not anymore.”
“Jack… Jack, that’s…”
“Completely true?” Jack asked with a sad smile, brushing my hair back to expose the tattoo of his name in Arabic that I had gotten about a year ago. “I know you, Taylor. I know how bad you are with feelings… I just don’t get why you think the way you do sometimes.”
“What do you mean?” I asked with a nervous laugh, trying not to shiver when he absently traced my tattoo.
“You think, after what we’ve been through, love is too much for us? Look me in the eyes, woman,” Jack laughed, but the sound was frustrated, and he tilted my chin up a bit forcefully. “That’s what you think, isn’t it?” he asked, his brown eyes searching my own. “That you’re not…worthy, or something, huh? That’s why you’re so set on settling for forgiveness, right?” Jack asked, his voice tinged with anger.
I gnawed on my bottom lip, which drew Jack’s attention to my lips for a split second. He quickly focused on my eyes again, though. “Just tell me why, Taylor.”
“It’s…scary.”
Jack’s brow furrowed at my explanation. “What’s scary?”
“Loving you,” I told him, trying not to laugh at how corny our entire conversation was sounding right now. “It’s…It’s scary, Jack, it’s fucking terrifying just how much I loved you, you know that? I-I never loved anyone else like I loved you, Jack – with this blind kind of love, where I would do anything and everything in my power for you, anything and everything you asked of me, whether it was right or wrong. Absolutely anything…”
Jack let his hand drop from under my chin, and his arm fell limply to his side. “Taylor…”
“You’re right, Jack, you know me…and that terrifies me, too. See… let me try to explain… knowledge is power, right? And if you have knowledge over me, then you have power over me, and that – i-it’s fucking terrifying to me, alright? You don’t understand!”
“You’re afraid to love me…because I make you feel… vulnerable?” Jack said slowly, putting two and two together. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. You’ve got issues.”
…I wasn’t exactly expecting that. “Well, aren’t you wonderfully observant.”
“I don’t care, Taylor. I know you’ve got problems. And you know I’ve got my fair share of problems,” Jack laughed, going down on one knee.
…My heart was beating so hard it was starting to hurt.
“But that being vulnerable shit…It’s not being vulnerable, alright? It’s trust. You’re just not used to it. I trust you, Taylor. See, I’m not even speaking in the past tense. I trust you. Do you hear me?” Jack asked, still looking at me from his kneeling position. “And I’d like you to try and trust me again,” Jack murmured, holding something in his closed fist.
“Jack,” I choked out, having forgotten to breathe for a few seconds.
Jack got back to his feet again and held his hand out to me. There was a small sand dollar in his palm. “I haven’t found a whole one the entire time we’ve been here,” he said happily. “And the whole ones I have found were alive, so I didn’t want to take them.”
I raised my hand, so ready to slap Jack. He preemptively cringed, eyes squeezed shut. Instead, I reached up to rest my hand on his neck. “There are plenty of gift shops around here,” I pointed out when he opened his eyes. I allowed myself to have a bit of fun and toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“It’s cooler when you find them yourself, though,” Jack mumbled, taking my other hand and pressing the damp sand dollar into my palm.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is,” I agreed, laughing a bit as I cradled the sand dollar to my chest.
Jack reached up to his neck to take my hand in his, weaving his fingers between mine and kissing my knuckles. I swallowed hard at the familiar gesture. “Let’s go back and check on your sister, shall we?” he asked cheerfully, swinging our hands together as we began to walk back.
The walk back was quiet and the sky was getting darker. “Did I scare you back there? When I was on my knees?” Jack asked teasingly, bumping his hip into mine.
“Yes,” I admitted with a sigh. “Jack, I thought you were going to…”
“Propose?” Jack finished my sentence since I wouldn’t. “Taylor, that was just practice. And I think I’m gonna need a lot of it. God, that was nerve wracking,” Jack said with a breathless laugh.
“Practice?” I repeated, my mouth going dry.
“Yes, practice. I told you, I love you, Taylor. If you’re not ready to say it back yet, that’s fine. But I want you to know I love you.”
“…Ok,” I murmured, letting my hand slip from his when his friends were in view again.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Jack asked, sounding highly offended when I let go.
“Well, checking on my sister, of course,” I laughed lightly, grabbing my shoes again from where I left them. “I’ll keep in touch, Jack.”
“Will you really?” he asked hopefully.
I checked my phone to make sure I had Jack’s number in it, and I did. I also had a text from a number that wasn’t in my contacts.
“Yes, really.”
Jack simply nodded, walking forward and staring at the sand beneath his feet. “Don’t get mad at Matt. He’s just not the best swimmer in the world. He was trying to go after Anna, honest. Zack’s the swimmer, he just wasn’t around…”
“She’s alive because of you. Jack, I can’t thank you eno-“
“Shut up? Please?” I tried not to cringe at his words, but I did swallow back mine. “Holly left me,” Jack muttered, kicking at the sand a bit. “Literally left. She took a plane back to the states a few days ago.”
I nodded, trying to maintain an indifferent expression. The news shouldn’t have relieved me, but it did. “I’m sorry, Jack.”
“I forgive you,” Jack said with a soft sigh, staring up at nothing in particular now. Jack stopped walking when he noticed that I had stopped walking, too. “That’s all you wanted, isn’t it?” he asked knowingly. “My forgiveness…not my love. Not anymore.”
“Jack… Jack, that’s…”
“Completely true?” Jack asked with a sad smile, brushing my hair back to expose the tattoo of his name in Arabic that I had gotten about a year ago. “I know you, Taylor. I know how bad you are with feelings… I just don’t get why you think the way you do sometimes.”
“What do you mean?” I asked with a nervous laugh, trying not to shiver when he absently traced my tattoo.
“You think, after what we’ve been through, love is too much for us? Look me in the eyes, woman,” Jack laughed, but the sound was frustrated, and he tilted my chin up a bit forcefully. “That’s what you think, isn’t it?” he asked, his brown eyes searching my own. “That you’re not…worthy, or something, huh? That’s why you’re so set on settling for forgiveness, right?” Jack asked, his voice tinged with anger.
I gnawed on my bottom lip, which drew Jack’s attention to my lips for a split second. He quickly focused on my eyes again, though. “Just tell me why, Taylor.”
“It’s…scary.”
Jack’s brow furrowed at my explanation. “What’s scary?”
“Loving you,” I told him, trying not to laugh at how corny our entire conversation was sounding right now. “It’s…It’s scary, Jack, it’s fucking terrifying just how much I loved you, you know that? I-I never loved anyone else like I loved you, Jack – with this blind kind of love, where I would do anything and everything in my power for you, anything and everything you asked of me, whether it was right or wrong. Absolutely anything…”
Jack let his hand drop from under my chin, and his arm fell limply to his side. “Taylor…”
“You’re right, Jack, you know me…and that terrifies me, too. See… let me try to explain… knowledge is power, right? And if you have knowledge over me, then you have power over me, and that – i-it’s fucking terrifying to me, alright? You don’t understand!”
“You’re afraid to love me…because I make you feel… vulnerable?” Jack said slowly, putting two and two together. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. You’ve got issues.”
…I wasn’t exactly expecting that. “Well, aren’t you wonderfully observant.”
“I don’t care, Taylor. I know you’ve got problems. And you know I’ve got my fair share of problems,” Jack laughed, going down on one knee.
…My heart was beating so hard it was starting to hurt.
“But that being vulnerable shit…It’s not being vulnerable, alright? It’s trust. You’re just not used to it. I trust you, Taylor. See, I’m not even speaking in the past tense. I trust you. Do you hear me?” Jack asked, still looking at me from his kneeling position. “And I’d like you to try and trust me again,” Jack murmured, holding something in his closed fist.
“Jack,” I choked out, having forgotten to breathe for a few seconds.
Jack got back to his feet again and held his hand out to me. There was a small sand dollar in his palm. “I haven’t found a whole one the entire time we’ve been here,” he said happily. “And the whole ones I have found were alive, so I didn’t want to take them.”
I raised my hand, so ready to slap Jack. He preemptively cringed, eyes squeezed shut. Instead, I reached up to rest my hand on his neck. “There are plenty of gift shops around here,” I pointed out when he opened his eyes. I allowed myself to have a bit of fun and toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“It’s cooler when you find them yourself, though,” Jack mumbled, taking my other hand and pressing the damp sand dollar into my palm.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is,” I agreed, laughing a bit as I cradled the sand dollar to my chest.
Jack reached up to his neck to take my hand in his, weaving his fingers between mine and kissing my knuckles. I swallowed hard at the familiar gesture. “Let’s go back and check on your sister, shall we?” he asked cheerfully, swinging our hands together as we began to walk back.
The walk back was quiet and the sky was getting darker. “Did I scare you back there? When I was on my knees?” Jack asked teasingly, bumping his hip into mine.
“Yes,” I admitted with a sigh. “Jack, I thought you were going to…”
“Propose?” Jack finished my sentence since I wouldn’t. “Taylor, that was just practice. And I think I’m gonna need a lot of it. God, that was nerve wracking,” Jack said with a breathless laugh.
“Practice?” I repeated, my mouth going dry.
“Yes, practice. I told you, I love you, Taylor. If you’re not ready to say it back yet, that’s fine. But I want you to know I love you.”
“…Ok,” I murmured, letting my hand slip from his when his friends were in view again.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Jack asked, sounding highly offended when I let go.
“Well, checking on my sister, of course,” I laughed lightly, grabbing my shoes again from where I left them. “I’ll keep in touch, Jack.”
“Will you really?” he asked hopefully.
I checked my phone to make sure I had Jack’s number in it, and I did. I also had a text from a number that wasn’t in my contacts.
[hey taylor this is matt. i took anna home. the twins are taking care of her now :)]
“Yes, really.”
♠ ♠ ♠
thanks for reading; hope you enjoyed it!it's been ages, i know. you can blame sherlock holmes...
anyways, feedback would be lovely and greatly appreciated!
recommendations would be awesome, too :D