Coffee Break

“Now remember Marty, don’t go past first base. Save that for your second date,” William teased.

“Shut up,” I grumbled, elbowing him sharply.

Tay laughed as he grunted.

“Martin, you’ve got to get going or you’ll be late picking Zack up,” Alex announced, walking into the room.

I just nodded, taking a glance in the mirror at my plain black shirt, thin grey tie and grey chinos. Simple, but stylish, as Tay called it. I just hope she’s right. I just hope that Zack doesn’t think I look like an idiot. William grinned and passed me my leather jacket, Tay passing me my wallet, cellphone and keys, and I took them silently. I can do this. I can do this.

“Okay, I’ll see you guys later,” I said nervously.

“Have fun!”
“You’ll be fine!”
“Don’t be a slut,”

I gave my three friends a hug before leaving, getting into my 1966 Pontiac GTO, my slightly rusty baby. I’d already memorised the address that Zack had texted me earlier, so I didn’t have to look at my phone. 20 minutes later, I’d pulled up outside Zack’s house and cut the engine, and was now slowly walking up to the front door. I rang the doorbell quickly, shoving my hands in my pockets while I waited nervously. Please don’t let his brother or his dad open the door! Please!

“Happy birthday Martin!” Zack beamed, opening the door.

Oh thank fuck.

“Thanks. Are you ready to go?” I asked hopefully.

“Yeah, let me just grab my jacket,” Zack nodded.

I couldn’t stop myself grinning at the fact that Zack’s actually here, ready to go on a date with me. Who would’ve thought a year ago that this would be happening right now? I heard Zack shouting goodbye to his brother and dad before he stepped out the house, closing the front door, now with a black coat over his light blue shirt and black trousers.

“You look amazing,” I blurted, blushing slightly afterwards.

Smooth, Martin. Real smooth.

“So do you,” Zack beamed.

I grinned even more and got into my car, Zack getting in the other side.

“So, um, do you like seafood?” I asked hopefully, as I buckled my seatbelt.

“Yeah, but not squid,” Zack nodded, smiling.

“Okay, good. Um, I know a guy that owns a restaurant called Fifth Season in Port Jefferson, and it’s got really good seafood dishes and if you want we can go there but if you don’t like the sound of that we can do something else…”

Zack cut off my ramble by placing a finger against my lips.

“That sounds great, Martin,” he mused.

My cheeks flushed slightly, but I nodded. To Port Jefferson it is.

*

Dinner was amazing. Like, really amazing. As usual the food was great, but Zack…Zack just made everything so good. The conversation never stopped between us, and there was never an awkward atmosphere, not even once. Once I’d paid the bill (Zack tried but I refused), I didn’t want the date to end so I suggested that we walked down the harbour, and Zack agreed.

We walked and talked for a good half an hour, our fingers occasionally brushing, until Zack took my hand solidly in his and pulled us to a stop.

“Can we sit down for a bit?” Zack asked.

“Sure. Is something wrong?” I asked, leading him to a nearby bench.

“No, I'm just…I bought new shoes for the date and they’re starting to hurt a little,” Zack said, embarrassed.

I laughed softly and nodded, sitting down next to him.

“I’ve had a really good time tonight, Martin. I’m…I’m glad you asked me out,” Zack said shyly.

“I’ve had a really good time too. I was so worried that I’d fuck up,” I admitted.

“I don’t think you ever really could,” Zack teased.

“The date isn’t over yet,” I warned.

“I suppose it isn’t,” Zack laughed.

I smiled at him. Fuck he has a nice laugh. I’m so used to seeing him so serious, so intense, that it’s nice to see him relax like this. And all because of me. Without thinking, I raised my hand to cup his face, my thumb tracing his cheekbone slightly. Fuck, what am I doing?! What the fuck am I doing?! But Zack didn’t flinch away. Instead he just blushed slightly. Wow. Does he…no, he couldn’t be thinking what I’m thinking, right?

Gazing at his lips, I ran my tongue of my lips subconsciously, wetting them slightly, before flicking my eyes back up to his. His eyes held a mixture of nerves, excitement and desire, making me smile slightly. Good. Wow. I’m not the only one who wants this. Taking a deep breath (subtly of course), I slowly leant towards him, only closing my eyes when our lips softly pressed together. Holy shit. Now this is the type of kiss that movies talk about. Sparks, fireworks, rainbows and all sorts of happy shit that just make me tingle all over. I lightly pulled away to see if Zack was okay with this, but he just looked a bit dazed. He was smiling though so I took it as a good sign and just kissed him again, this time with a little more pressure.

As soon as Zack started kissing back, I slid my hand through his hair, cupping the back of his head possessively, Zack’s hands rising slightly to grip my waist. I could barely contain my moans, desperate not to show just how much his lips and touch were affecting me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to kiss anyone again without thinking about this kiss. Not that I’d want to, but still. I was brought out of my thoughts as Zack’s tongue ran over my bottom lip, and I willingly parted them, letting his tongue slide into my mouth to lightly toy with my tongue, sending shivers through my entire body.

Fuck. Out of all the times I’ve imagined kissing Zack, this is way more amazing that I ever could’ve thought.

All of sudden, Zack’s hands planted on my chest and firmly pushed me away, breaking the kiss. What the fuck?! But when I saw the fear in his eyes, and the fact that he looked like he was about to go into a panic attack, the anger faded from my body, replaced by worry. What was wrong?!

“Hey, hey, calm down, it’s okay, did I push you too far?” I said softly.

I reached out to touch him but Zack batted my hands away, making a loud sound of protest.

“D-Don’t touch! Just d-don’t touch me! I can’t…I can’t…”

Zack trailed off, looking away from me as his entire body started to shake, his eyes wide and filled with tears. Now I know something’s definitely wrong. This is just like when he had a panic attack after those homophobic douches abused him in Coffee Break. If I could help him then, I can help him now. I know I can. I knelt down in front of him, hands planted either side of him on the bench, not touching him but letting him know that I’m not going anywhere.

“Zack, it’s okay, just look at me. I’m not going to touch you. Just look at me,” I soothed.

It took Zack a good 30 seconds to finally turn his head to face me, his eyes nervously resting on my face. I smiled warmly, encouraging him, when all I’m thinking is what the fuck is going on?

“That’s better. What’s wrong, Zack? Was it me?” I asked softly.

Zack sniffed miserably and dried his face with his hands, shaking his head.

“N-No, not entirely. I-It’s because of…because when…no I can’t!” Zack whimpered.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, desperately trying not to get upset. What have I done wrong?!

“You’re scaring me, Zack. What happened? Why are you freaking out?” I asked.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this was the last thing I wanted. I’m…fuck, why can’t I do anything right? First Danny, now you…fuck!” Zack groaned, trying to calm his shaking hands.

I frowned. “Who’s Danny?”

Zack smiled sadly, only worrying me more.

“He’s my ex-boyfriend who’s now in a wheelchair because of me,” Zack said quietly.

“W-What?” I choked.

Zack took a shaky breath and clenched his hands together, looking anywhere but me. Was this…was this why he moved to Riverhead after graduating college?

“Danny Kurily, that’s his name. I fell in love with him at first sight in freshman year of college, but didn’t have the guts to even speak to him until Sophomore year, and even then I was fairly drunk. We carried on talking and getting to know each other, and we hooked up at the start of Junior year. We continued to hook up until I asked him to be my boyfriend. Danny was hesitant because no-one knew he was gay apart from me and his family and his best friends. But I said we didn’t have to come out as a couple in public, just as long as I had him I would be happy. So he agreed. We kept out relationship secret from half-way through Junior year until we graduated in Senior year. I wanted us to come out as a couple then. I wanted the whole world to know that Danny was mine, now that we were going into the adult world. I was so in love with him that everything in my life revolved around him. Now I wish I’d never even said anything,”

Zack paused as his bottom lip started to tremble, so I placed my hands over his, only trying to comfort him. Zack smiled weakly and took my hands properly in his, squeezing gently. I nodded for him to carry on, knowing he needed to get this out of his system, so he took a deep a breath.

“We got into a massive argument. Like, really bad. We were just outside the college, while everyone else was inside having some sort of speech from the dean, and I didn’t think anyone else was there. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to show our love to everyone else, why he was so scared. Danny kept replying bullshit about how the world wouldn’t accept us and how he couldn’t lose everything he held dear and I just lost it and…I kissed him. Right there, outside of closed doors. He kissed me back, I don’t know if was out of habit, but then he was pulled off of me by these four guys who had just left the building and saw us and…well, I’m guessing you can figure out the rest. I tried to fight them off, tried to protect Danny, but my head was slammed against the wall and I blacked out,”

Zack choked a sob, letting go of one of my hands to cover his eyes briefly.

“The next thing I knew, I was waking up in hospital with my dad and my brother fluttering around me. I had severe concussion and a couple of fractured ribs and a few stitches in the back of my head, but Danny…Danny was in a worse state. I don’t really remember all the injuries he had because I was so numb with shock, but I do remember that the base of his spine was stamped on and that caused several of the vertebrae to crack irreparably and he would never be able to use his legs again. I went in to see him after visiting hours one night, and he told me right then and there that we were over. He said it was because of me that his life was ruined. Because I’d tried to push us out as a couple. He blamed me completely and I believed him. It was my fault. He was transferring to a hospital closer to his home town the next day for therapy and he told me he never wanted to see me or hear from me again. And I agreed. It was my fault that he ended up in a wheelchair and I needed to be punished for it. When I was let out of hospital, my dad and brother told me that we were moving here, and well, you know the story after this,”

Zack finished with a shaky sigh. I just felt like crying. Everything that had happened to him was so sad. But how could he blame himself for what happened to that Danny guy? It wasn’t Zack’s fault that those homophobes beat his boyfriend up, it was their fault.

“I wish you wouldn’t blame yourself. Is that why you…freaked out when we kissed? Because the last person you were with ended up being beaten up?” I asked softly.

“Pretty much,” Zack smiled weakly, “I can’t bear the thought of another person’s life being ruined because of me,”

“My life would never be ruined because of you. It would be made better with you in it,” I said honestly.

“But what if…”

“You can’t live your life scared, Zack,” I interrupted, “Yeah, we’re probably going to get abuse for being gay, but I’m not scared. I’m not scared because I know that being with someone I care about is way more important that what a few insignificant people think,”

Zack stared at me for a couple of seconds before shaking his head.

“Sometimes I think you’re too good to be true,” he said softly, almost to himself.

“No, I’m just comfortable with who I am. I hope that some day – soon preferably – that you will be too,” I sais seriously.

“I’m comfortable with who I am,” Zack frowned.

“Maybe with everything apart from being physical with another guy? I mean, I can understand why, but you do have issues that need to be sorted out,” I mused.

Zack blushed a little, making me smile.

“Yeah, okay, you might have a point there. I want to be okay with it though. I really do like you, Martin. I just hope I haven’t scared you off with all my freaking out. I’m not normally like this,” Zack said, embarrassed.

“I know this isn’t the normal sexy laid-back you. I’ve liked you too long to just back-off because of one little thing. I can wait,” I said with a smile and a shrug.

Zack seemed to visibly relax, making me smile even more.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

I just nodded, letting him help me up from kneeling in front of him. I sat down next to him, turning my body to face him.

“Any time, Zack. Just know that you can talk to me about this, okay? I’m not going anywhere,” I promised.

“That’s…really sweet of you. Um, I’m sorry this date probably didn’t end up going the way you thought it would. Sorry for ruining your birthday,” Zack mumbled.

“Well the date isn’t over yet, is it?” I grinned.

Zack laughed and shook his head. “I suppose it isn’t,”