Status: updates when inspiration and free time collide.

The Quiet of Compazine

My Mind's Been Wandering.

When I woke up, John was indeed gone. He did leave me a note, though.

Hey, girl!
Sorry to leave you before you woke, but I figured your dad wouldn’t want to see you in bed with a boy he hasn’t even met, haha. I borrowed your copy of “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” but I left you a present in its place. Call me sometime, alright? Bye.
- John


I smiled at his little note and tucked it into one of my notebooks when I got down from my bed. I let out a little fan girl squeal when I found a copy of John Green’s “The Fault in Our Stars.” John bought me books like most guys buy their girls flowers, and I adored him for it. He knew it, too. He knew me better than my own father, or anyone else for that matter.

Should that scare me?

Image

“Whoa, look at the bags under your eyes, Porter! Did John keep you up all night?” Garrett teased at school the next morning.

“Shut up,” I yawned, inevitably rubbing my eyes.

Between school and work and my therapy sessions, John and I didn’t see each other very much. We usually skyped or called when we had the time. For some reason, I liked calling better than skyping. I liked listening to John’s voice, and he sounded better over the phone than through my shitty computer speakers.

I was kind of amazed that John was content with this kind of relationship. I stay awake at night a lot after our sessions because I think about why John is with me, haha. And sometimes I even wonder if he cheats on me. I mean, there’s a strong possibility of that, right? He goes to a huge college where the females definitely outnumber the males. I knew I ought to feel insecure or something, but…I didn’t. I didn’t feel much of anything these days, other than…tired.

Tired of everything.

School was a blur today. I was really out of it, I guess. I was at my locker, packing up my stuff and getting ready for work, when I couldn’t help but sink to my knees, feeling utterly and completely unmotivated to go to work today. I just sat there for a few minutes, not really wanting to get up and move, either. I don’t know why I just didn’t feel like exerting any effort towards anything. It’s not like this was a sudden occurrence, but something that had built up the past couple of weeks. Why did it have to hit me now?

I was still kneeling there debating whether I ought to go to work, but then my phone rang, playing John’s ringtone. I arched an eyebrow, picking up. “Hello?”

“Hey, girl! Still at school? Can I come see you before you have to go to work?”

“Yeah, I am. John, can you…can you bring me a Red Bull or something?” I asked, rubbing my eyes and covering my mouth when I yawned.

John scoffed. “That stuff’s nasty! I’ll bring you something better. I’ll meet you in the parking lot in ten minutes.” He hung up on me.

I just stayed there on my knees for a while until I slumped forward and let my head fall into my locker, my chin resting on several books and binders. I hoped this wasn’t because of me not taking my pills daily. I felt like I was about to pass out…. But I didn’t feel like doing anything about that, either. What is this?

John called me again. “Where are you, Porter? I’m in the parking lot.”

“I’m on my way,” I told him, finally getting out of my slump to go to the parking lot. Anything involving John, I could do it. “Hey,” I greeted him with a small smile, tossing my backpack onto my trunk and hugging John tightly.

“Did we stay up too late last night?” he asked worriedly, pressing light kisses to my forehead after frowning at my darkened eyes.

“It’s alright,” I said with a shrug.

“Here,” John said as he handed me a caramel frappucino from Starbucks.

“Yum,” I said with a grateful smile as I made to twist the cap off, but I found that I couldn’t. “Oh my fuck,” I groaned when I discovered that I just didn’t have the strength to open it. “John, please?” He narrowed his eyes at me, but did as I asked. I drank it up. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“Are you feeling ok, Porter?” he asked sincerely, taking my face in his hands and tilting it up so he could scrutinize it.

“Yes,” I sighed, slapping his hands away so I could drink some more. “Thanks, John, I really needed this. Now, I’ve got to get to work, so…”

“Alrighty,” John sighed, sensing that I didn’t want to talk right now. “Hey, Porter, are you busy this weekend? I want to take you out on a date. Let’s go on a date this weekend, Porter.” I blinked at him like an owl. “Come on, Porter. We haven’t been out on a real date in…ever,” John protested at my silence, which must have sounded like a resounding “No” to him.

“Will you at least tell me what we’ll be doing?”

John grinned and leaned down to steal a quick kiss. He knew I wasn’t really into public displays of affection past holding hands. “I’ve made plans for us.”

“Already? I haven’t even given you a proper answer,” I told him with a laugh, lightly pushing him out of my way so I could toss my backpack into my trunk.

“You never say no to me,” John pointed out, and as much as I hated to admit it, he was kind of right. John smirked at my silence now, and pinched my cheek. “See you around, girl.”

I got into my car and went to work, but I didn’t last an hour before passing out.

…Maybe I should have had at least the motivation to eat something these past few days.
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thanks for reading; hope you liked it!
expect the next chapter relatively soon-ish.
comments/recs would be lovely and greatly appreciated! :)