The Quiet of Compazine

I don’t know why I went along on the ASU college visit for seniors. It’s not like I was going to college…but at least it gave me a chance to hang out with Pat and Garrett. They were just such nice, normal guys. Sure, they were in a band, but I liked how they weren’t trying to promote themselves all the fucking time and how they weren’t concerned about how many fans they had. With all these shitty bands on Twitter, it’s just a numbers game to them. No, Pat and Garrett genuinely cared about their fans and were just so humble about their music in general. It was nice.

Pat brought a big box of Rice Krispies and Garrett brought a big thing of Sunny D for the three of us to share on the bus. I felt bad because I didn’t bring anything, but they were really nice about the whole ordeal since I didn’t know about it.

“Are you even going to apply here, Porter?” Garrett asked when we got off the bus and onto the ASU campus. He grinned when I shook my head, and the two of them each grabbed one of my hands, running towards the main building and dragging me along with them. We were directed to the main building, where our tour guides – current students at ASU – awaited us, but Pat and Garrett ran to a single ASU student in particular…

“This is Porter,” Pat introduced us. “Porter, John. John, Porter.”

“Porter, huh? Nice to meet you,” John said politely, shaking my hand. “So, Porter, do you actually want a tour of the school, or…”

“Nope,” I said with a soft laugh, pulling some of my hair behind my ear. He made me nervous.

“Cool. Let’s go, then!” Everyone was in class or giving tours. Pat and Garrett only came to hang out with John, and John only signed up to tour so he could get out of class. “Sorry it’s messy,” he laughed nervously as he let us into his dorm.

“So, you’re a senior, too?” John asked conversationally, cracking open a bottle of Corona. When he asked if I wanted something to drink, I declined. We were standing in the actual dorm area while Pat, Garrett, and his roommate Jared were in the common area, playing some video games. I nodded and sat down with him on his bed. “How long have you and Garrett and Pat, uh, been friends? They’ve never mentioned you before.”

“Uh, pretty recently, actually…” And we just went on and on from there. It was weird how easy it was to talk to John, a total stranger, about my plans of not going to college. Probably because he had plans to drop out, but still, it was nice to talk to someone who was going through something similar to what I was going through. His dad thought he was a failure, too.

“…I don’t know, Porter, but I know this – complacency is the killer of dreams.”

“Well…what if I don’t have any dreams?”

“That’s…kind of fucked up. Why don’t you have dreams, Porter? Everyone’s got dreams…” I shrugged, playing with my phone, when I felt one of his long arms wrap around my shoulders. “Well, the skies are blue, and we’re alive, so all is well.”

I forgot what hugs felt like. I missed them. Too bad Jared called John over. When John left the bed, I noticed a bundle of index cards under his pillow – all blank, save one.



I quickly stuffed the index card in my back pocket before John came back. “Hey, Porter? Pat and Garrett says it’s time for you guys to be heading back to the main building…”

“Alright,” I sighed, sliding off John’s bed and following them back outside. I felt bad taking it. John might possibly need it…but I needed it, too.

So I could compare the writing on the index card to the writing on the napkin.