Cheerio

The next day at Glee Club, Mr. Schue walked into the room, seeming even peppier than usual. Which was saying something, since he usually looked like he was auditioning for a Crest Whitestrips ad every second of the day. Except when he was arguing with Coach Sylvester, of course.

“Alright, guys, I came up with a great assignment last night,” he exclaimed, hurrying over to his little white board.

In quick strokes, he wrote “Coming Out” on the board.

“Um, Mr. Schue,” Puck spoke up, shooting him daggers with his eyes, “only Kurt can relate to that.”

“I don’t mean ‘coming out’ as in coming out of the closet. Well, that’s part of it, I guess.” Mr. Schue took a deep breath and looked each of us in the eye as he continued his speech. “What I mean is revealing a secretive part of yourselves to the rest of the group. In Kurt’s case, he came out to being gay. Maybe someone else in here has another secret that they’re harboring that they’d like to share.”

Everyone grumbled under their breath. As for me, I sighed as loudly as I possibly could. Why the hell would I have to tell these people, these strangers, basically, some part of my life that I keep hidden from the world? And what was the point of secrets if we couldn’t even keep them?

Overall, I just didn’t want these teenagers who thought they were better than everyone else getting involved in my business. It just seemed wrong, frankly.

“I know you guys aren’t going to be thrilled about the idea at first. But just think about it: I’ve realized recently how many rifts we have in this club. I was naïve enough to think that we broke through social barriers here, but we haven’t. There’s still a hierarchy of Cheerios and football players and…everyone else.” He shot a sorry look at the black girl, the Asian girl, and Artie in the front, even though they didn’t look offended. “It’s time that we really bond as a team and overcome those walls that we build between ourselves and the rest of the world.”

Almost instinctively, I ran my tongue over all my teeth, making sure that none of them had rotted out from that sickeningly sweet pep talk. I know he was trying to be all inspirational, but it was really just too much.

Everyone looked like they were warming up to the idea, but I was still stone cold. “Can I just say something?” I piped up. Chairs scraped as the club turned to face me, waiting. “These social groups have been around since the dawn of school, Mr. Schue. What makes you think that some dumb assignment where we give a small part of ourselves over to strangers is going to change all that?”

“Because,” he answered slowly, “there’s a first time for everything.”

Yup. There goes a tooth, damn it.

* * *

I walked out of school, surrounded by what seemed like millions of hormonal, smelly teenagers. They all shoved each other, me, out of the way in order to get out the door faster. Really, I didn’t see the point of their rushing, but if it helped them sleep at night, then whatever. And it wasn’t like I could really say anything to any of them, since they’d just turn to their friends and laugh about how the ex-Cheerio thought she still had power.

Garrett was idling behind a school bus. I was pretty sure that was against the rules, but I wasn’t about to say anything to him. Not that anyone at this shit school would care, anyway.

“It feels weird to pick you up this early,” Garrett acknowledged. “Usually, it’s not until five. God, does every club let out at this time?”

“Yup. That’s why I almost got suffocated by B.O. leaving the school.” I gagged dramatically.

Garrett laughed before pulling away from the curb, speeding around the line of the buses. I caught a few angry glares from the drivers, but they just amused me more than fazed me.

“Okay, so in Glee Club, we get these assignments every week as guidelines for a song that we should get ready. This week, it’s about revealing a part of ourselves to the group that no one else knows. How stupid is that?”

“I don’t know,” Garrett shrugged, “it might not be so dumb. Why does Mr. Schuester want to do it?”

“He says that it’s a team building exercise. It’s supposed to break down the cliques that still exist within the club.”

“Then maybe it will. What are you going to sing about?”

My heart stopped as a few options ran through my head, all eliminated immediately. There were some truths about me that I didn’t like admitting to myself in words, never mind singing them aloud to a group of my peers. “I don’t know,” I answered as calmly as I could after a slightly too long pause.

“Why don’t you find a song that talks about Dad leaving?”

“Shut up, Garrett,” I snapped, my heart jumped into overdrive.

“What? It’s something that no one knows, right? You don’t even talk about it in the house, so I figure that none of your friends know.”

“Just shut up about Dad, okay? I don’t want to talk about him, I don’t want to hear about him.”

“God, I’m so fucking sick and tired of you and Mom always avoiding the subject of Dad. It’s like he never existed. Well, let me tell you, it’s not possible for Mom to have had us all alone.”

“I never said it was,” I mumbled, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “But just…shut up. Seriously.”

Garrett obeyed, staring out the windshield, seething in silence. I could tell he wanted to yell at me from the way he was tightening and loosening his grip on the steering wheel, his knuckles alternating between regular skin color and white.

I let out a silent sigh, leaning my head back against the seat and closing my eyes. Taking deep breaths, I suppressed the memories that were starting to surface, all the thoughts that were releasing themselves from the safes where I had locked them years ago.

“Sorry,” Garrett finally muttered, still sounding pissed off. “I was just trying to help you. I didn’t know that Dad was still a sore subject after, what, six years?”

“It’s not,” I lied. “I dunno. I just like to pretend that we’re a normal family sometimes, you know? Well, I like to pretend it all the time. So don’t ruin my façade, okay?”

“You got it.” He reached over and ruffled my hair. “But you know you can’t keep it locked away forever, right?”

“I’ll take that as a challenge,” I laughed, grabbing my bag from its resting place next to my feet.

When we walked into the house, it was freezing. “Gar, turn up the heat, would you?”

“No,” he whined. “Whenever I do, it gets hot as Hell in here, and then I sweat and die.”

“But it’s freezing!”

“It’s, like, sixty-five.”

“Which is freezing.” I went over to the thermostat and turned it up to seventy. “Don’t touch it or I’ll chop off your fingers.”

He sighed dramatically so I could hear him from the kitchen. “Hey, you want anything while I’m in here?”

“No thanks,” I replied, heading toward the stairs. “I’m going to start my homework, since I actually have to do it now.”

“Have fun with that,” he responded, waving a spoon at me. In his other hand was a cup of chocolate pudding.

When I got into my room, I immediately immersed myself in my work, not letting a single thought about Dad enter my mind. After all, I didn’t go through all that pain to lock him away in the back of my mind for nothing.